There is a trend in today's society to venerate things that are "natural." Hand in hand with this trend is a tendency to vilify chemicals. There is some inherent hypocrisy in this attitude that both amuses and frustrates me.
I am a modern girl. My husband is an extremely capable guy, who can adapt to any situation from big city to small town to third world country desert. He likes to tell me that I wouldn't have survived if I had been born a hundred years ago. I freely admit it. I think that my main requirement for the location in which we live says it all - I need city water and city sewers. I want all my water treated and stored elsewhere - no wells or septic systems for me! Also, I have a degree in biochemistry. If you put all that information together, you would probably surmise that I am not a big fan of all things "natural."
Recently, there was a story regarding a literature review of the nutrition value of organic food. The study concluded that organic food has no more nutritional content than non-organically grown food. This is something that I could have concluded without a grant or fellowship - the difference is not in what's missing from non-organic food; it's in what extra might be there. Pesticides and antibiotics and hormones...all the "chemicals" that might be present on your fruits and vegetables, in your meat, in your milk, because it's not organic. Unfortunately, if you really listen to all of the information, the pesticides, antibiotics, and hormones have the potential to be on your organic food too. Why? Because they're in the wind and water supply and on the birds and insects and animals that wander through your vegetable patch.
When I graduated from college, I worked for a pharmaceutical company. Because there were constant chemical reactions going on throughout the plant, the potential for accidents was always present. On one occasion, during production of an antibiotic, pressure build up in the system allowed the antibiotic to accidentally blow out of the roof vents and into the storm drains. Oops - antibiotics in the water supply. Wind carries pesticides and manufactured fertilizers on to properties where those compounds are not used. Rain does not selectively fall cleanly in one area, and save the contaminants for industrial areas. Derailed trains leaking toxic chemicals happen too frequently for my comfort.
My point is that all of these contaminants are already in the atmosphere. Sure, you're getting less of the contaminants on your organic produce, and maybe your organic meat is free of hormones and antibiotics (maybe). More likely, it's still there, but in lesser amounts. You'll probably ingest or inhale it anyway. Maybe it would be a better use of your money to buy into a local coop, shop at a farmers' market, or start your own garden. It's unlikely that organic growers will push the massive corporate farms out of existence. Maybe you'd be better off supporting research for safer pesticides or more earth friendly fertilizers. Whatever you do, stop spraying your lawn with weed killer!
Part II: The evils of chemicals or better living through chemistry?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Show and Tell
I was going to write about how much more I appreciate my husband today. Because when he drives down the street and sees some scantily dressed jailbait sauntering along, he might look, but he doesn't suddenly cut his speed in half like the idiot driving the Infiniti compensating-for-something-mobile that I was following today.
And then, I was going to write about the cool cloud I saw before the storm the other day. But there wasn't much to tell, so I'll just post the picture.
Instead, I'll tell you about our twins...
No, you won't be seeing an ultrasound picture...
We have a set of coyote babies living in the stand of trees in our back yard. I find this very unusual, because I think of this as a suburban area. There are plenty of farms around us still, but the area is mostly subdivisions. I also think of coyotes as being more of a mountain or desert dwelling animal. I've recently seen the adult coyote roaming about the neighborhood when I'm walking in the mornings, and the other day, these two guys showed up to hang out under our tree. My husband wants to tame one and make it a pet.
Aren't they cute? I just hope they don't leave rabbit carcasses laying around. Or poop on the deck again.
Check out what everyone else is showing today. Go visit Mel!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Upgrading
I'm not fond of my teeth. I have large teeth and a small jaw. My teeth don't look bad, but after having four teeth removed to make room and years of braces, you'd think they'd at least be straight. When I had braces, I wore them for 2 years, and then wore retainers for 2 more years. When my orthodontist was satisfied that my teeth were settled in their final resting place, he removed my bottom retainer and told me that I could drive over my top retainer with the car.
Within a few months, my bottom teeth started to move. The front four teeth settled into a line in front of my other teeth, meaning that there is overlap. I still have a bit of an overbite, but it's not horrible. (My favorite overbite description came from Cousin Bob at my grandfather's funeral when I was 13 {and in the midst of enjoying my braces}. He told me that my overbite wasn't too bad - in comparison to his daughters who could bite walls). My top teeth stayed pretty straight, until I was about 24.
I'm naturally clumsy, and one day, while opening the car door, I misjudged the distance, and with the help of gravity, whacked myself right in my front tooth. That pushed my tooth slightly backwards. I've since managed to repeat the door incident, and then not long ago, walked directly into the corner of a wall. Given that this particular tooth is slightly recessed, I can't quite figure out why that's the one I keep hitting.
Today, I finally took action. My dentist made me a new retainer. Over the next few weeks, I will be moving my teeth around a little, so I can relocate the other front tooth to be more in line with the recessed tooth. The unfortunate part of this is that having a big chunk of plastic on your hard palate makes it difficult to talk properly. I now have a lovely lisp. I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk normally again soon.
I'm excited to be able to like my smile again. I'm not sure how long it will take. After that, maybe I'll upgrade something else. My husband is looking into LASIK, so maybe I'll go there next. I recently noticed that I have cleavage wrinkles. Given that I can barely muster up some cleavage without a serious push-up bra, I'm not sure how that came about. My hair is graying. Maybe all the running/walking I've been doing will help reshape my flabby portions. This could be a long term project - upgrading my appearance. It's good to have a hobby.
Within a few months, my bottom teeth started to move. The front four teeth settled into a line in front of my other teeth, meaning that there is overlap. I still have a bit of an overbite, but it's not horrible. (My favorite overbite description came from Cousin Bob at my grandfather's funeral when I was 13 {and in the midst of enjoying my braces}. He told me that my overbite wasn't too bad - in comparison to his daughters who could bite walls). My top teeth stayed pretty straight, until I was about 24.
I'm naturally clumsy, and one day, while opening the car door, I misjudged the distance, and with the help of gravity, whacked myself right in my front tooth. That pushed my tooth slightly backwards. I've since managed to repeat the door incident, and then not long ago, walked directly into the corner of a wall. Given that this particular tooth is slightly recessed, I can't quite figure out why that's the one I keep hitting.
Today, I finally took action. My dentist made me a new retainer. Over the next few weeks, I will be moving my teeth around a little, so I can relocate the other front tooth to be more in line with the recessed tooth. The unfortunate part of this is that having a big chunk of plastic on your hard palate makes it difficult to talk properly. I now have a lovely lisp. I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk normally again soon.
I'm excited to be able to like my smile again. I'm not sure how long it will take. After that, maybe I'll upgrade something else. My husband is looking into LASIK, so maybe I'll go there next. I recently noticed that I have cleavage wrinkles. Given that I can barely muster up some cleavage without a serious push-up bra, I'm not sure how that came about. My hair is graying. Maybe all the running/walking I've been doing will help reshape my flabby portions. This could be a long term project - upgrading my appearance. It's good to have a hobby.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
An Update...
...just for Nancy, who reminded me that I've had nothing to say lately.
I'd just like to say that Andrew Zimmer is crazy and I don't understand why people eat pork rinds. Normally, I wouldn't be watching stuff like the food channels, but circumstances in my house have taken a turn for the better today:
MY HUSBAND IS STAYING HOME WITH US!!!! Hoooray!!!
He has finally had enough of working 3 states away. Our girl will be done with daycare (at least for now; somehow I think DH will find it necessary to start another career sooner or later). I will have my partner, my love, my lover, and my lawn guy back full time!
So here's a whole lot of sunshine in my life today...How's your week going?
I'd just like to say that Andrew Zimmer is crazy and I don't understand why people eat pork rinds. Normally, I wouldn't be watching stuff like the food channels, but circumstances in my house have taken a turn for the better today:
MY HUSBAND IS STAYING HOME WITH US!!!! Hoooray!!!
He has finally had enough of working 3 states away. Our girl will be done with daycare (at least for now; somehow I think DH will find it necessary to start another career sooner or later). I will have my partner, my love, my lover, and my lawn guy back full time!
So here's a whole lot of sunshine in my life today...How's your week going?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Show and Tell - Spring
The other week, we had some torrential downpours, thanks to an extremely early tropical system that made its way from the Gulf of Mexico up into the Midwest. There were some reports of 8-10" of rain in an hour. Flash flooding was prevalent, and two towns north had serious storm damage - basements were washing away. Fortunately, we live on top of a hill, so all the water runs away. While checking to see if it was still raining, I discovered where some of the rain was going. (Click on picture to enlarge)
This is the cemetary behind our house - normally, there is not a river running through it. Fortunately there is a village pumping station at the end of the cemetary, so the temporary river had somewhere to go.
You can also see my husband's latest landscaping marvel - a new berm with lots of ornamental grasses. By the end of summer the grasses will be 5-10' tall, with beautiful showy plumes. He does wonderful work!
For more Show & Tell, go visit Mel.
This is the cemetary behind our house - normally, there is not a river running through it. Fortunately there is a village pumping station at the end of the cemetary, so the temporary river had somewhere to go.
You can also see my husband's latest landscaping marvel - a new berm with lots of ornamental grasses. By the end of summer the grasses will be 5-10' tall, with beautiful showy plumes. He does wonderful work!
For more Show & Tell, go visit Mel.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Perspectives
I had an interesting encounter today. A complete stranger shared a very personal part of her life with my sisters and me. It was kind of like the movie Rashomon...I had 4 different views of the same topic. I don't think anyone didn't say something that wasn't mildly offensive to someone else, and yet there was no real distress because the atmosphere was one of sharing and learning.
The topic? Adoption.
The participants? My oldest sister(OS) - the fertile one, my second sister(2S) - adopted two girls from China, me - not quite infertile/not quite fertile, let's go with ART survivor, new person(NP) - birth mother.
NP was discussing the topic of education and preparation of kids for real life. I guess she felt pretty comfortable in our family circle (although she seemed like the type of girl who doesn't feel uncomfortable anywhere), because she detailed the story of how she was pregnant at 20 and was pressured into giving her child up for adoption. The story was both sad and hopeful at the same time - because from a certain perspective you could see the hand of God or fate or what have you in all of her descriptions. However, even though she wanted an open adoption (or maybe a semi-open adoption - I'm not sure about the particulars), she hasn't been able to have one. Because the adoptive parents were Evangelical Christians, details of her lifestyle became unpalatable to them, and they have obstructed contact between NP and her daughter. She may have downplayed her lifestyle, but it sounds fairly typical of a 21 year old living in a new (and big) city. It sounds like she wants a bit more involvement with her child (and the birth parents), but it didn't sound like a huge imposition - perhaps an email account where she could receive updates and pictures. It was clear that she understands that not being able to have your own children is painful, but this pain is ephemeral to her. It's not real, and she can't process the depths of despair that infertility can bring. I think the most interesting point she made was when she was discussing the selection process, and how all the prospective parent could do was describe what things they could give the potential child. I can understand how difficult it must be to try and translate how much you will love a child into a sales pitch for a birth mom.
OS made a couple of the kinds of comments that infertiles hear all the time, that are really annoying, but understandable from someone whose procreation was relatively easy. It was pretty easy to tell that this was of interest to her, but she has not experienced anything that would make this comprehensible to her.
2S had mentioned reasons for adopting from China in the past, such as low disease rates. However, today, she said the main reason they chose China over domestic adoption was because they didn't feel they would be able to cope with the option for birth mothers to change their minds about the adoption. They were not capable of giving back a child that they had opened their hearts to love. Then 2S told a story of one of her patients, who was accompanied by both birth mom and adoptive mom on an office visit. She said that birth mom and adoptive mom were actually arguing over the plan of treatment.
I jumped in there with my insensitive comment about how birth mothers really have to know themselves very well before deciding on open adoption. They really shouldn't have the right to interfere in medical treatment, in my opinion. If you can't give up that kind of control, then you either need to parent your child, or step away completely. Otherwise, it makes it seem like you're treating the adoptive mother like a nanny who is taking care of your child while you're busy with your life.
My mom was also there, and while she is normally very judgmental, her only comment was to wonder why NP had opened up so completely with us. I think I may have taken the wind out of her sails, because I told her that while I was surprised by the openness, I thought it was great. NP's situation was not ideal, but it was nothing to be ashamed of, and maybe if more people were open about adoption the way she is, it would be a much smoother road for both birth parents and adoptive parents.
The topic? Adoption.
The participants? My oldest sister(OS) - the fertile one, my second sister(2S) - adopted two girls from China, me - not quite infertile/not quite fertile, let's go with ART survivor, new person(NP) - birth mother.
NP was discussing the topic of education and preparation of kids for real life. I guess she felt pretty comfortable in our family circle (although she seemed like the type of girl who doesn't feel uncomfortable anywhere), because she detailed the story of how she was pregnant at 20 and was pressured into giving her child up for adoption. The story was both sad and hopeful at the same time - because from a certain perspective you could see the hand of God or fate or what have you in all of her descriptions. However, even though she wanted an open adoption (or maybe a semi-open adoption - I'm not sure about the particulars), she hasn't been able to have one. Because the adoptive parents were Evangelical Christians, details of her lifestyle became unpalatable to them, and they have obstructed contact between NP and her daughter. She may have downplayed her lifestyle, but it sounds fairly typical of a 21 year old living in a new (and big) city. It sounds like she wants a bit more involvement with her child (and the birth parents), but it didn't sound like a huge imposition - perhaps an email account where she could receive updates and pictures. It was clear that she understands that not being able to have your own children is painful, but this pain is ephemeral to her. It's not real, and she can't process the depths of despair that infertility can bring. I think the most interesting point she made was when she was discussing the selection process, and how all the prospective parent could do was describe what things they could give the potential child. I can understand how difficult it must be to try and translate how much you will love a child into a sales pitch for a birth mom.
OS made a couple of the kinds of comments that infertiles hear all the time, that are really annoying, but understandable from someone whose procreation was relatively easy. It was pretty easy to tell that this was of interest to her, but she has not experienced anything that would make this comprehensible to her.
2S had mentioned reasons for adopting from China in the past, such as low disease rates. However, today, she said the main reason they chose China over domestic adoption was because they didn't feel they would be able to cope with the option for birth mothers to change their minds about the adoption. They were not capable of giving back a child that they had opened their hearts to love. Then 2S told a story of one of her patients, who was accompanied by both birth mom and adoptive mom on an office visit. She said that birth mom and adoptive mom were actually arguing over the plan of treatment.
I jumped in there with my insensitive comment about how birth mothers really have to know themselves very well before deciding on open adoption. They really shouldn't have the right to interfere in medical treatment, in my opinion. If you can't give up that kind of control, then you either need to parent your child, or step away completely. Otherwise, it makes it seem like you're treating the adoptive mother like a nanny who is taking care of your child while you're busy with your life.
My mom was also there, and while she is normally very judgmental, her only comment was to wonder why NP had opened up so completely with us. I think I may have taken the wind out of her sails, because I told her that while I was surprised by the openness, I thought it was great. NP's situation was not ideal, but it was nothing to be ashamed of, and maybe if more people were open about adoption the way she is, it would be a much smoother road for both birth parents and adoptive parents.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Know what's a bigger pregnant woman magnet than Target?
The zoo. What are they all doing there? Are they trying to walk themselves into labor? Because it's not a bunch of subtle baby bumps - it's the 9+ month ladies out there. About half of them were without kids too. I guess I'm feeling better, because I found it more entertaining than painful that the universe is messing with me. Because the last 5 times I've been to the zoo? Not a pregnant woman to be found. No, then it was the ultra fit moms of toddlers, with whom I also compare unfavorably. When you can't win, you just have to laugh.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Getting over it...
I'm not getting much time to grieve this almost pregnancy. My husband returned to work today, so it's just me and my girl for a month. I feel mentally exhausted, but I can't sleep very well. I'm sad, but I don't know what the root cause is today. I'm sad because I miss my husband when he's not here. I'm sad because my daughter is sad because she misses her dad. I'm sad because I really want another baby, and this last chance didn't work. I'm sad because I have cramps. I'm sad because the idiot at the lab couldn't get a vein on my last blood draw and was wiggling the needle around in my arm and the bruise hurts. I'm sad because I have to have another blood draw to make sure that beta goes to zero.
I went to Tar.get today. I don't understand why it is that that particular store is a giant pregnant woman magnet. I saw no less than than 4 pregnant women today. One of them was smoking in the parking lot. I hate to judge people, but, seriously, she couldn't quit for a few months? I guess probably not, or she would have. I must be feeling a little better, since the sight of legions of pregnant women is not one of the things making me sad. I also don't understand why the pregnant women only appear to those who are trying so hard to have a baby. I never registered a pregnant woman when I was in my twenties, unless I knew her.
I have some things to look forward to. I will lose the bloating and the pregnancy brain (how did I get that in a chemical pregnancy???). I can have a glass (or a bottle!) of wine. My family and I will be getting together at the end of the month. We only get to do that about once a year. I will get to see friends (and, of course, their new babies). I will take 3 days off work. My husband will be home in a month. And every day, I get some kind of new entertainment from a certain 2 year old little girl.
I went to Tar.get today. I don't understand why it is that that particular store is a giant pregnant woman magnet. I saw no less than than 4 pregnant women today. One of them was smoking in the parking lot. I hate to judge people, but, seriously, she couldn't quit for a few months? I guess probably not, or she would have. I must be feeling a little better, since the sight of legions of pregnant women is not one of the things making me sad. I also don't understand why the pregnant women only appear to those who are trying so hard to have a baby. I never registered a pregnant woman when I was in my twenties, unless I knew her.
I have some things to look forward to. I will lose the bloating and the pregnancy brain (how did I get that in a chemical pregnancy???). I can have a glass (or a bottle!) of wine. My family and I will be getting together at the end of the month. We only get to do that about once a year. I will get to see friends (and, of course, their new babies). I will take 3 days off work. My husband will be home in a month. And every day, I get some kind of new entertainment from a certain 2 year old little girl.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Where the fear kicks in...
I thought I would write this yesterday. I got a positive hpt yesterday morning. I tested on Monday, but that was too early. I wasn't going to do it again, but I had some symptoms (horrible [and for me, unusual] breakouts on my face and back, the hungries (every 3-4 hours), and the kicker...my husband upset me and I didn't start a screaming argument with him like I normally would if I had PMS) that I couldn't ignore. So I took the test.
For most people, that positive test would be the start of the wonderful journey. For me, it's just a signal to call the doctor to get my medication started and my worrying ramped up. I called the doctor and they sent me for a beta. The nurse said she would call back today to get my prescriptions going.
The problem is, they did not have my file available until yesterday afternoon. When I spoke with them today, I got some good news and some bad news.
First the good news: Beta at 12 dpo was 41. Repeat beta on Monday.
Now the bad news: My protocol for prevention of miscarriage is hepa.rin and baby aspirin. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I injected myself with hep.arin twice a day for about 7 weeks. During the 7th week, I developed a rash at the injection site. The doctor switched me to Love.nox. I developed a rash at that injection site. I was far enough along for the doctor to be comfortable telling me to stop the injections, and I have a beautiful (if extremely talkative) little girl to show for it. Now, however, the nurses cannot prescribe hepar.in because I may be allergic to it. When I asked this doctor and my regular OB, neither seemed concerned about future usage of hep.arin. I'm in a waiting game, though, to see if they will prescribe he.parin, or lov.enox or if I will be on my own with baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins.
So, happiness and fear. I thought the fear of miscarriage in spite of drugs was what I was going to write about yesterday. Now I fear that there's nothing that can be done for me. I suppose it's some consolation that most literature thinks the hep.arin is too aggressive for my mild diagnosis of ANA's and baby aspirin is the solution. It is also amazing how the body can think of new and different ways to mess with you.
For most people, that positive test would be the start of the wonderful journey. For me, it's just a signal to call the doctor to get my medication started and my worrying ramped up. I called the doctor and they sent me for a beta. The nurse said she would call back today to get my prescriptions going.
The problem is, they did not have my file available until yesterday afternoon. When I spoke with them today, I got some good news and some bad news.
First the good news: Beta at 12 dpo was 41. Repeat beta on Monday.
Now the bad news: My protocol for prevention of miscarriage is hepa.rin and baby aspirin. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I injected myself with hep.arin twice a day for about 7 weeks. During the 7th week, I developed a rash at the injection site. The doctor switched me to Love.nox. I developed a rash at that injection site. I was far enough along for the doctor to be comfortable telling me to stop the injections, and I have a beautiful (if extremely talkative) little girl to show for it. Now, however, the nurses cannot prescribe hepar.in because I may be allergic to it. When I asked this doctor and my regular OB, neither seemed concerned about future usage of hep.arin. I'm in a waiting game, though, to see if they will prescribe he.parin, or lov.enox or if I will be on my own with baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins.
So, happiness and fear. I thought the fear of miscarriage in spite of drugs was what I was going to write about yesterday. Now I fear that there's nothing that can be done for me. I suppose it's some consolation that most literature thinks the hep.arin is too aggressive for my mild diagnosis of ANA's and baby aspirin is the solution. It is also amazing how the body can think of new and different ways to mess with you.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
National Infertility Awareness Week
It occurs to me that I know only a few people who have had no trouble conceiving and carrying babies. So, in honor of those of us for whom conception and live babies don't come naturally, I would like to salute the following people:
My sister, who married late, and decided after a year of unsuccessful trying, that intervention was not for her. Thank you for bringing two of the smartest, most adorable, most hilarious little girls from China to be a part of our family.
My friends J and S. The first people I knew who had to terminate a pregnancy due to a severe defect. They were totally undeserving of such sadness. Now, they have 2 beautiful children.
My friends M and D. Their first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. Their second pregnancy occurred at the same time I was having my miscarriages, so it was bittersweet for me. Their son was born 3 weeks early. Their daughter was born 2 weeks early. They both had breathing issues at birth. Their second son was born this month, and had some sort of infection. I hope they're done having children, as I can no longer take the stress.
My friends M and G. M tried so hard for so long to have children. She finally went for treatments, and happily gave birth to twin girls. I saw her heart breaking every time she saw a baby and I am so happy she got her dream.
My aunt M. For probably 7 years, she tried to have a baby. She and my uncle eventually adopted. But they never gave up, and 8 years later, after at least one D&C (that I know of, but I was only 10 at the time), succeeded in having a successful pregnancy.
To all of us who have suffered a loss, be it a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, a still birth, or the death of a child. While we have gotten to experience the joy of a pregnancy for at least some duration, we understand the difficulties involved in creating the family of which we dream.
Finally, to all of those who have not yet realized their dream. My hope for you is that it will not take you much longer.
My sister, who married late, and decided after a year of unsuccessful trying, that intervention was not for her. Thank you for bringing two of the smartest, most adorable, most hilarious little girls from China to be a part of our family.
My friends J and S. The first people I knew who had to terminate a pregnancy due to a severe defect. They were totally undeserving of such sadness. Now, they have 2 beautiful children.
My friends M and D. Their first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. Their second pregnancy occurred at the same time I was having my miscarriages, so it was bittersweet for me. Their son was born 3 weeks early. Their daughter was born 2 weeks early. They both had breathing issues at birth. Their second son was born this month, and had some sort of infection. I hope they're done having children, as I can no longer take the stress.
My friends M and G. M tried so hard for so long to have children. She finally went for treatments, and happily gave birth to twin girls. I saw her heart breaking every time she saw a baby and I am so happy she got her dream.
My aunt M. For probably 7 years, she tried to have a baby. She and my uncle eventually adopted. But they never gave up, and 8 years later, after at least one D&C (that I know of, but I was only 10 at the time), succeeded in having a successful pregnancy.
To all of us who have suffered a loss, be it a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, a still birth, or the death of a child. While we have gotten to experience the joy of a pregnancy for at least some duration, we understand the difficulties involved in creating the family of which we dream.
Finally, to all of those who have not yet realized their dream. My hope for you is that it will not take you much longer.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I love the news!
I was watching the news the other day. They were running a story about a rash of car burglaries in a nearby town. It was somewhat distressing that the thieves were stealing from cars in driveways, right next to garages. It's generally a pretty safe town, and so the residents were concerned. They had interviews with 2 teenage girls. One had her purse stolen from her car. They took the cash and then threw her purse and contents out along the side of the road. The other girl was upset that someone had stolen her new digital camera. The news report wound up by asking for any tips and by reminding people to lock their cars.
You're wondering what it was I found about this news story that's worth commenting on, aren't you?
At no time during this 2 minute segment did anyone, including the police chief who was also interviewed, suggest that maybe it would be a good idea to remove their valuables from the car before leaving it.
I was also recently discussing with another woman how surprised people are when they leave their purse in a shopping cart and someone steals it. For God's sake - it wasn't that long ago that someone stole a BABY from a shopping cart (if I remember correctly, the guy didn't make it out of the store, but still)! Purses are generally easier for the thief to dispose of - why wouldn't they take what you're essentially offering?
Moral of the story: If you don't want people to take your stuff, don't leave it out where they can see it.
You're wondering what it was I found about this news story that's worth commenting on, aren't you?
At no time during this 2 minute segment did anyone, including the police chief who was also interviewed, suggest that maybe it would be a good idea to remove their valuables from the car before leaving it.
I was also recently discussing with another woman how surprised people are when they leave their purse in a shopping cart and someone steals it. For God's sake - it wasn't that long ago that someone stole a BABY from a shopping cart (if I remember correctly, the guy didn't make it out of the store, but still)! Purses are generally easier for the thief to dispose of - why wouldn't they take what you're essentially offering?
Moral of the story: If you don't want people to take your stuff, don't leave it out where they can see it.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Thanks to Martha for the Friendship Award!
The only rule is to pay it forward to 8 other bloggers.
Prosy
Nancy
Antropologa
Eden
Bottoms off and On the Table
Fat Chick
Kandi
and finally, anyone else who might be reading...because we're all friends here!
Friday, April 10, 2009
What to complain about today?
Well, let's start with the easy stuff...for the second time in a year, I threw up. Not that significant an event, generally, but prior to the previous occurrence, I had not vomited in 15 years. I really hate vomiting. Of course, I have become a little more immune to it, since I spent all of Wednesday night cleaning up after my little germ factory, who started the whole game. 5 bed changes, 2 loads of laundry, 7 costume changes, and I finally got to bed 7 minutes before my alarm would normally have rung. Bright side: Extra day off of work.
Second, got my property tax assessment today. Apparently, the county where I live is unaware that there is a fucking recession going on. And that the recession is directly due to the fallout of the subprime mortgage issue. And the subprime mortgage issue has directly led to a reduction in property value in most areas of the country. Nope, my county is completely clueless, because not only did they reassess our home's value for the fourth year in a row, they increased the market value of our house for the fourth year in a row. Guess who's moving? My husband states unequivocally that he will not pay more in taxes than he would pay in rent for a decent apartment. Last year, we were pretty close to his breaking point. This year, we've reached it. Bright side: Um...I like to look inside other people's houses? New furniture arrangement? Maybe we'll move closer to work?
Finally, I have nothing to do for Easter. Usually we go to my in-laws, but they went out of town to visit my husband's grandmother. Although, even if they were here, I'd be at home anyway, due to this plague inflicted on me by my charming daughter. We'll still be coloring eggs and the Easter bunny will visit. Bright side: If I'm sick, I don't have to feel guilty about not going to church.
Happy Easter!
Second, got my property tax assessment today. Apparently, the county where I live is unaware that there is a fucking recession going on. And that the recession is directly due to the fallout of the subprime mortgage issue. And the subprime mortgage issue has directly led to a reduction in property value in most areas of the country. Nope, my county is completely clueless, because not only did they reassess our home's value for the fourth year in a row, they increased the market value of our house for the fourth year in a row. Guess who's moving? My husband states unequivocally that he will not pay more in taxes than he would pay in rent for a decent apartment. Last year, we were pretty close to his breaking point. This year, we've reached it. Bright side: Um...I like to look inside other people's houses? New furniture arrangement? Maybe we'll move closer to work?
Finally, I have nothing to do for Easter. Usually we go to my in-laws, but they went out of town to visit my husband's grandmother. Although, even if they were here, I'd be at home anyway, due to this plague inflicted on me by my charming daughter. We'll still be coloring eggs and the Easter bunny will visit. Bright side: If I'm sick, I don't have to feel guilty about not going to church.
Happy Easter!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Insurance
I was watching a special on health care coverage and how those without employer coverage are absolutely screwed. Even states with mandated coverage price out the self-employed. I have been very fortunate in my health care coverage with my employer, and I hope that it never changes. There have been few things that have not been covered - and even those might have had partial coverage.
The insurance industry and people I know have been intersecting lately. My mom has heart disease and type II diabetes, so her health care coverage is extremely costly. Fortunately, she can afford it with her health care coverage.
My best friend gave birth to her third child today. A wonderful event that was supposed to take place at home was suddenly moved to a hospital due to maternal and fetal distress. Now, her baby will be needing extensive care (hopefully for only a few days - I'm praying for no long term issues) due to some nerve damage and listeriosis. She was tested for listeriosis, and the test came back negative. Now, her son is in the NICU, getting antibiotics, and physical therapy. I shudder to think what that would cost without insurance. My friend is a SAHM and her husband is self-employed. It's a good thing he's very successful.
In other sad news, a high school classmate passed away suddenly over the weekend. Apparently, she had some sort of cardiac event, depriving her of oxygen for 30-45 minutes. She was on life support for some period of time, and then lived for some time after support was removed. She was quite a character in high school - a person who was not afraid to be herself, whoever that might be. The world will be a little lacking without her. But, consider, what is the cost of keeping someone alive and what is the cost of hospice while you wait for someone to die? Without insurance, would her family be bankrupted for the cost of the process of dying? That's not exactly something that can ethically be hurried along.
I don't know what the insurance solution is. I have worked for a pharmaceutical company, and I know how much it costs to develop drugs. I do not find that the cost of many drugs is unreasonable. I know that doctors are trained and skilled, and while I frequently doubt their words, I think that they often earn their salaries. I don't think socialized medicine would work for me - there are too many people in my family with unusual complications to their illnesses, and I would not want to be limited in my doctor selection. After watching the Frontline program (available at pbs.org), I'm pretty sure I don't want to leave my employer. I had mention of a possible diagnosis of lupus, and while I don't have any symptoms, and therefore do not have lupus, I think that would be a giant red flag for any future insurers.
I guess it's time to throw all of our research money at the geneticists - let them figure out how to fix our genes to fix our health issues. Then all you'd need is a few doctors to set bones, put in stitches, and perform appendectomies, and insurance would become obsolete.
The insurance industry and people I know have been intersecting lately. My mom has heart disease and type II diabetes, so her health care coverage is extremely costly. Fortunately, she can afford it with her health care coverage.
My best friend gave birth to her third child today. A wonderful event that was supposed to take place at home was suddenly moved to a hospital due to maternal and fetal distress. Now, her baby will be needing extensive care (hopefully for only a few days - I'm praying for no long term issues) due to some nerve damage and listeriosis. She was tested for listeriosis, and the test came back negative. Now, her son is in the NICU, getting antibiotics, and physical therapy. I shudder to think what that would cost without insurance. My friend is a SAHM and her husband is self-employed. It's a good thing he's very successful.
In other sad news, a high school classmate passed away suddenly over the weekend. Apparently, she had some sort of cardiac event, depriving her of oxygen for 30-45 minutes. She was on life support for some period of time, and then lived for some time after support was removed. She was quite a character in high school - a person who was not afraid to be herself, whoever that might be. The world will be a little lacking without her. But, consider, what is the cost of keeping someone alive and what is the cost of hospice while you wait for someone to die? Without insurance, would her family be bankrupted for the cost of the process of dying? That's not exactly something that can ethically be hurried along.
I don't know what the insurance solution is. I have worked for a pharmaceutical company, and I know how much it costs to develop drugs. I do not find that the cost of many drugs is unreasonable. I know that doctors are trained and skilled, and while I frequently doubt their words, I think that they often earn their salaries. I don't think socialized medicine would work for me - there are too many people in my family with unusual complications to their illnesses, and I would not want to be limited in my doctor selection. After watching the Frontline program (available at pbs.org), I'm pretty sure I don't want to leave my employer. I had mention of a possible diagnosis of lupus, and while I don't have any symptoms, and therefore do not have lupus, I think that would be a giant red flag for any future insurers.
I guess it's time to throw all of our research money at the geneticists - let them figure out how to fix our genes to fix our health issues. Then all you'd need is a few doctors to set bones, put in stitches, and perform appendectomies, and insurance would become obsolete.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
There's something wrong with ad agencies lately...
I know everyone hates the insurance commercial with the new dad. I'm not fond of that myself. If nothing else, I find it vaguely offensive that he can't be bothered to think of the future BEFORE the baby actually arrived. However, there have been several commercials lately that I have found to be...well...disturbing.
Tonight, I saw a Boost mobile commercial
Huh? I realize that Boost is usually out there on their ads, but this? It just makes me say Ick.
And then there's the Old Navy ad with gratuitous mannequin nudity.
I get the point that the dresses are sooo popular that they must be pulled off the mannequin. If the commercial ended there, I think it would be a clever concept. But, the subsequent ogling and conversation take it to the point where the dresses are a secondary point to the commercial and the implied nudity becomes the focus. Maybe I'm just getting old and prudish.
Finally, the one that disturbs me the most is a new Hamburger Helper commercial, which is not on YouTube. A bunch of people are on an elevator and I don't know what else happens, because the Helping Hand pops out and IT'S ATTACHED TO AN ARM!!! Up past the elbow! The Helping Hand had never before been attached to an arm! What is this heresy? Granted, I have issues with hands attached to arms with no bodies - it has to do with my job (I work in a crime lab). But seriously, where is the animation magic or green screen that would obscure the arm? Disembodied arms...I don't think that's the image that Hamburger Helper is trying to project.
Perhaps it's time to step away from the TV. But then I would miss the fake-pregnant-man-in-drag Taco Bell Nachos commercial, which is a little funny.
Go see what the normal people are showing this week for Show & Tell!
Tonight, I saw a Boost mobile commercial
Huh? I realize that Boost is usually out there on their ads, but this? It just makes me say Ick.
And then there's the Old Navy ad with gratuitous mannequin nudity.
I get the point that the dresses are sooo popular that they must be pulled off the mannequin. If the commercial ended there, I think it would be a clever concept. But, the subsequent ogling and conversation take it to the point where the dresses are a secondary point to the commercial and the implied nudity becomes the focus. Maybe I'm just getting old and prudish.
Finally, the one that disturbs me the most is a new Hamburger Helper commercial, which is not on YouTube. A bunch of people are on an elevator and I don't know what else happens, because the Helping Hand pops out and IT'S ATTACHED TO AN ARM!!! Up past the elbow! The Helping Hand had never before been attached to an arm! What is this heresy? Granted, I have issues with hands attached to arms with no bodies - it has to do with my job (I work in a crime lab). But seriously, where is the animation magic or green screen that would obscure the arm? Disembodied arms...I don't think that's the image that Hamburger Helper is trying to project.
Perhaps it's time to step away from the TV. But then I would miss the fake-pregnant-man-in-drag Taco Bell Nachos commercial, which is a little funny.
Go see what the normal people are showing this week for Show & Tell!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Ponies
I have two aunts that have greatly influenced my life. Without them, I would not have had the education I have, the knowledge that an independent and unattached woman can have a very full life, or walls filled with oil paintings and a china cabinet full of ceramics. My Aunt R was quite the stereotypical oldest child. She liked to tell everyone how they should be living their lives (from me to the pastor at her church), but she did it in the nicest way possible. She always made you believe that you could be something extraordinary (but there was nothing wrong with being ordinary). She would frequently try to enrich our lives in whatever way she could think of - from penny blackjack at Christmas parties to a set of oil paints (which I'm sure my mother loved). When I was 12 or 13, she tried to interest my sister and me in poetry...through bribery. She offered to pay us to learn poems - the amount was based on the length and difficulty of the poem. My sister wasn't interested at all, and I only learned one poem...but it was a good one. Resume, by Dorothy Parker...just the thing an already cynical teenager needs to know. And, I earned a whole 60 cents!
Today, while giving my daughter a bath, I was reminded of Aunt R, and I thought of how proud she would already be of my daughter...
When I got tired of reading Curious George goes to the Zoo for the millionth time, I started reading poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Silverstein instead of bedtime stories. I just pick a few different ones to read each night, and my daughter will stop me if a page catches her attention. Since I don't want her to tear up the book, I keep it on a shelf in her room. So, she will now ask for 'ponies from the shelf' because poems has been too difficult to pronounce. Every day, I have to read some poems, and while it entertains me, I didn't know if she was getting anything out of it. However, during bath time tonight, my daughter said "upstairs, upstairs, upstairs," which is part of the poem Upstairs - about a family of wrens who live in a guy's hat/hair. I think she's on her way to appreciating poetry - for which I can thank Aunt R.
Today, while giving my daughter a bath, I was reminded of Aunt R, and I thought of how proud she would already be of my daughter...
When I got tired of reading Curious George goes to the Zoo for the millionth time, I started reading poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Silverstein instead of bedtime stories. I just pick a few different ones to read each night, and my daughter will stop me if a page catches her attention. Since I don't want her to tear up the book, I keep it on a shelf in her room. So, she will now ask for 'ponies from the shelf' because poems has been too difficult to pronounce. Every day, I have to read some poems, and while it entertains me, I didn't know if she was getting anything out of it. However, during bath time tonight, my daughter said "upstairs, upstairs, upstairs," which is part of the poem Upstairs - about a family of wrens who live in a guy's hat/hair. I think she's on her way to appreciating poetry - for which I can thank Aunt R.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Thanks to Martha for my first award!
The attendent rules:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. Then, list at least 10 honest things about yourself.
1. I tend to speak without thinking
2. That's why I tend to find writing easier
3. I am unwilling to dye my gray hair because I'm too cheap to get it dyed every few weeks.
4. I watch too much TV
5. I don't really watch TV, since I'm usually reading a book or on the computer at the same time
6. I read a lot of books, but I only really absorb the plot lines of the one I find meaningful or really enthralling.
7. I frequently get books from the library that I've read before and don't realize - until I get a few pages in.
8. I wish I could travel more
9. I never used to get angry, but now I have a much hotter temper.
10. I am a dog person, but allergies prevent me from having pets. Maybe someday.
Thanks also to Martha for The Lemonade Stand Award
And the final tag from Martha:
Instead of saying where you live, what state your hair is in, etc. you will share bizarre little things about yourself. Maybe you have some guilty pleasures, maybe you have some OCD that you desperately try to hide, whatever the case may be this is your chance to spill it. Let's all remember to be honest, not to judge, and to have some fun being able to embrace our oddities and laugh at ourselves. Thought this might be a nice mid-week tension reliever.
1. I don't like for my food to touch, unless it's supposed to touch (like a casserole, or pasta and sauce)
2. I occasionally alphabetize my CD collection.
3. At work, my desk top is a mess, but my drawers are neat and organized
4. This is a carryover from my childhood. When I was told to clean my room, I would shove everything in the drawers to get it off the floor.
5. I have a semi-irrational fear of touching wild birds, as my mom once told me that they carry disease.
6. I like to sleep late, but am incapable of doing so.
7. It makes me crazy to watch forensic stuff on TV.
8. I am somewhat prudish around most people, but around certain people I can be quite raunchy. I find this to be odd.
9. I think I'm losing my hearing, little by little.
10. I do not like sand - because you just can't get it off.
As usual, I'm tagging and awarding anyone who reads this!
The attendent rules:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. Then, list at least 10 honest things about yourself.
1. I tend to speak without thinking
2. That's why I tend to find writing easier
3. I am unwilling to dye my gray hair because I'm too cheap to get it dyed every few weeks.
4. I watch too much TV
5. I don't really watch TV, since I'm usually reading a book or on the computer at the same time
6. I read a lot of books, but I only really absorb the plot lines of the one I find meaningful or really enthralling.
7. I frequently get books from the library that I've read before and don't realize - until I get a few pages in.
8. I wish I could travel more
9. I never used to get angry, but now I have a much hotter temper.
10. I am a dog person, but allergies prevent me from having pets. Maybe someday.
Thanks also to Martha for The Lemonade Stand Award
And the final tag from Martha:
Instead of saying where you live, what state your hair is in, etc. you will share bizarre little things about yourself. Maybe you have some guilty pleasures, maybe you have some OCD that you desperately try to hide, whatever the case may be this is your chance to spill it. Let's all remember to be honest, not to judge, and to have some fun being able to embrace our oddities and laugh at ourselves. Thought this might be a nice mid-week tension reliever.
1. I don't like for my food to touch, unless it's supposed to touch (like a casserole, or pasta and sauce)
2. I occasionally alphabetize my CD collection.
3. At work, my desk top is a mess, but my drawers are neat and organized
4. This is a carryover from my childhood. When I was told to clean my room, I would shove everything in the drawers to get it off the floor.
5. I have a semi-irrational fear of touching wild birds, as my mom once told me that they carry disease.
6. I like to sleep late, but am incapable of doing so.
7. It makes me crazy to watch forensic stuff on TV.
8. I am somewhat prudish around most people, but around certain people I can be quite raunchy. I find this to be odd.
9. I think I'm losing my hearing, little by little.
10. I do not like sand - because you just can't get it off.
As usual, I'm tagging and awarding anyone who reads this!
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's all relative
My sisters-in-law have sent me most unusual emails this week. First, the one that just had a baby sent me a note to tell me about the baby. I sent her one back, congratulating her, telling her that we'd like to stop by sometime, and asking if there was anything she needed. She responded by saying "Thank you for offering to get us something. i could really use a hamper (i like the wicker ones either white or honey color). Her room is eventually going to be bright colors like pink & green." Now, on the one hand, it's nice to be able to get something that someone actually wants. But, on the other hand, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I was thinking more in terms of, you know, bread and milk, or a package of diapers. But, I had intended to get a gift for the baby, so why not a hamper? At least I can be fairly sure it will get used.
My other sister-in-law is doing some sort of fund raising effort for the Amer. Cancer Society. My husband's dad had esophageal cancer this year, and seems to have beaten it. My sister-in-law, K, is a passionate girl, and always has a cause that she's working on. So, she was soliciting donations for her effort last month. This month, she was pissed that no one had donated and so she sent out a chastising email, telling us all how we should be supporting her. I am of two minds about ACS. My dad had Rheumatoid Arthritis, and when my mother contacted the Arthritis foundation for help, they told her there was nothing they could do for her. This was way before the internet, so this was supposed to be how you found support and information before blogging and Dr. Google. So, I have a rather cynical view of these societies and foundations. I'm sure they do some good, but I'd rather support charities that I know are actually serving people directly, like the Red Cross. In addition, I do not like the Amer. Cancer Society, because I'm pretty sure they were the source of my favorite telephone solicitation call:
I was living at home after my dad had passed away, and I worked evenings. One day, the phone rang and I answered it.
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Can I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
Me: (Clearly they don't know us, or they would know that Mr. Smith has been dead for over a year) They're not home right now.
TM: I'm from the Amer. Cancer Society, and I'd like to send some information to the Smiths.
Me: Well, I don't think they'll be interested, but feel free to send whatever you like.
TM: OK, I'll just need to verify the address.
Me: Like I said, I doubt they'll be interested, but go ahead and verify the address.
TM: What is the address there?
Me: If you're verifying the address, shouldn't you already have it?
TM: Well, we just have a list with names and phone numbers. We don't have access to the list with the addresses. That's kept separately.
Me: Well I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it, and I'll be happy to verify it then.
TM: This is very important information, and I know the Smiths will really want to have it. So I will need to verify the address.
Me: Look, lady, if you're verifying the address, then you have to already have the address. I am NOT giving you the address. You tell me what you have and I'll tell you if it's correct. That's what verifying is.
TM: I told you, I don't have access to the address list.
Me: Well, I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it.
TM: Fine. I WILL call back and I will tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith how rude their babysitter was and you WILL be fired. *Click*
Me: ...
Me: Hello Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Me: Did you know I'm going to be fired?
Mom: WHAT?!?!? (For God's sake you just got that job, what are you talking about)
Me: Yeah, the dog's going to be very disappointed that I won't be able to babysit him anymore.
Mom did not fire me from babysitting the dog, in case you were wondering.
My other sister-in-law is doing some sort of fund raising effort for the Amer. Cancer Society. My husband's dad had esophageal cancer this year, and seems to have beaten it. My sister-in-law, K, is a passionate girl, and always has a cause that she's working on. So, she was soliciting donations for her effort last month. This month, she was pissed that no one had donated and so she sent out a chastising email, telling us all how we should be supporting her. I am of two minds about ACS. My dad had Rheumatoid Arthritis, and when my mother contacted the Arthritis foundation for help, they told her there was nothing they could do for her. This was way before the internet, so this was supposed to be how you found support and information before blogging and Dr. Google. So, I have a rather cynical view of these societies and foundations. I'm sure they do some good, but I'd rather support charities that I know are actually serving people directly, like the Red Cross. In addition, I do not like the Amer. Cancer Society, because I'm pretty sure they were the source of my favorite telephone solicitation call:
I was living at home after my dad had passed away, and I worked evenings. One day, the phone rang and I answered it.
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Can I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
Me: (Clearly they don't know us, or they would know that Mr. Smith has been dead for over a year) They're not home right now.
TM: I'm from the Amer. Cancer Society, and I'd like to send some information to the Smiths.
Me: Well, I don't think they'll be interested, but feel free to send whatever you like.
TM: OK, I'll just need to verify the address.
Me: Like I said, I doubt they'll be interested, but go ahead and verify the address.
TM: What is the address there?
Me: If you're verifying the address, shouldn't you already have it?
TM: Well, we just have a list with names and phone numbers. We don't have access to the list with the addresses. That's kept separately.
Me: Well I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it, and I'll be happy to verify it then.
TM: This is very important information, and I know the Smiths will really want to have it. So I will need to verify the address.
Me: Look, lady, if you're verifying the address, then you have to already have the address. I am NOT giving you the address. You tell me what you have and I'll tell you if it's correct. That's what verifying is.
TM: I told you, I don't have access to the address list.
Me: Well, I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it.
TM: Fine. I WILL call back and I will tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith how rude their babysitter was and you WILL be fired. *Click*
Me: ...
Me: Hello Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Me: Did you know I'm going to be fired?
Mom: WHAT?!?!? (For God's sake you just got that job, what are you talking about)
Me: Yeah, the dog's going to be very disappointed that I won't be able to babysit him anymore.
Mom did not fire me from babysitting the dog, in case you were wondering.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Multiple personalities
I've been reading a lot about the inherent conflicts of motherhood. I've read the posts from those who do not yet have children, and how they resent being told how free they are (or appreciate that freedom but are willing to give it up at any time). I've been reading about people who have concluded their fight against infertility and wonder whether this will redefine who they are. This has made me reflect on my quest for children and how much of myself I've sacrificed.
I'm not a terribly ambitious person. I have a relatively great job...it pays well, it's very secure, the work can sometimes be interesting and exciting, and mostly I am in charge of what I do every day. I also have evil coworkers and managers who try to manufacture evidence to progressively discipline people in order to either make them completely submissive or make them quit. I take that back. For one manager, even being submissive is not enough. You must actively recognize his greatness on a daily basis, or you make yourself a target.
When I was 34, I decided to take the LSAT and apply to law school. I got in, and it would have cost about $20K/year for tuition. Since it was night school, I could have kept my job, and we could have afforded the tuition, but my husband was opposed to the expense. As I said, I'm not terribly amibitious, but my main motivating factor for not pushing to go to law school was that I knew I wanted to have children. It would have been a waste of resources to start law school, because I would probably be having a baby before I graduated.
Once I finally did get to the point where there was a pretty good chance that I could have a take-home baby, I was pretty happy to have my job. I had lots of sick time and vacation time stockpiled. I could work part time for a year. They were required to provide me with a place to pump breastmilk. At the time, my husband worked with me. He had gotten so fed up with the evil people that, when the baby was about 5 months old, he started looking for new jobs. We both applied for the position that he has now. When I went for the interview, I saw that it would be a great job...if I didn't have a child. Everyone there was ambitious and dedicated. Everyone spent a LOT of time at work. But it is a contract position with the US Government, and some other company could win the bid for the work at any time. It did not provide the security I felt we needed for our daughter.
I would have loved the job. It involves cutting edge technology. It involves national and worldwide security issues. It is high-impact but low profile. But I could not fully devote myself to it, because I was 100% devoted to something else...mommyhood. Plus, the attraction of a 6 figure salary was outweighed by the need to keep a stable home and be near family. Putting the needs of your children first is a no-brainer, but it is extremely challenging to put aside your career options to do it, especially when you are going to continue working.
I didn't really take in that I might be losing my identity until our daughter was 15 months old and I took her to daycare. Overnight, I became S.'s mom. I was not Mrs. Whatever, I was not A, I was S.'s mom. I was simulatneously freaked out and offended by this. My first thought was "I am not just S.'s mom. That's a great thing to be, but it is not my whole being." Then I wondered (because my husband was saying something similar) if it was becoming my whole being. But it's not. I still have interests. I still have the same hobbies that I've always had.
Yes, I have made some sacrifices that I would not have made if I did not have S. But operating in her best interests does not change me. I might swear a little less, but that's only when she's around. I might go out less than I used to, but I'm basically a homebody anyway. When she's an adult and moves out on her own, I will not find myself lacking in things to do. Yes, I'm a mom, but I'm not only a mom. Although I am pretty focused on becoming a mom to another baby...
I'm not a terribly ambitious person. I have a relatively great job...it pays well, it's very secure, the work can sometimes be interesting and exciting, and mostly I am in charge of what I do every day. I also have evil coworkers and managers who try to manufacture evidence to progressively discipline people in order to either make them completely submissive or make them quit. I take that back. For one manager, even being submissive is not enough. You must actively recognize his greatness on a daily basis, or you make yourself a target.
When I was 34, I decided to take the LSAT and apply to law school. I got in, and it would have cost about $20K/year for tuition. Since it was night school, I could have kept my job, and we could have afforded the tuition, but my husband was opposed to the expense. As I said, I'm not terribly amibitious, but my main motivating factor for not pushing to go to law school was that I knew I wanted to have children. It would have been a waste of resources to start law school, because I would probably be having a baby before I graduated.
Once I finally did get to the point where there was a pretty good chance that I could have a take-home baby, I was pretty happy to have my job. I had lots of sick time and vacation time stockpiled. I could work part time for a year. They were required to provide me with a place to pump breastmilk. At the time, my husband worked with me. He had gotten so fed up with the evil people that, when the baby was about 5 months old, he started looking for new jobs. We both applied for the position that he has now. When I went for the interview, I saw that it would be a great job...if I didn't have a child. Everyone there was ambitious and dedicated. Everyone spent a LOT of time at work. But it is a contract position with the US Government, and some other company could win the bid for the work at any time. It did not provide the security I felt we needed for our daughter.
I would have loved the job. It involves cutting edge technology. It involves national and worldwide security issues. It is high-impact but low profile. But I could not fully devote myself to it, because I was 100% devoted to something else...mommyhood. Plus, the attraction of a 6 figure salary was outweighed by the need to keep a stable home and be near family. Putting the needs of your children first is a no-brainer, but it is extremely challenging to put aside your career options to do it, especially when you are going to continue working.
I didn't really take in that I might be losing my identity until our daughter was 15 months old and I took her to daycare. Overnight, I became S.'s mom. I was not Mrs. Whatever, I was not A, I was S.'s mom. I was simulatneously freaked out and offended by this. My first thought was "I am not just S.'s mom. That's a great thing to be, but it is not my whole being." Then I wondered (because my husband was saying something similar) if it was becoming my whole being. But it's not. I still have interests. I still have the same hobbies that I've always had.
Yes, I have made some sacrifices that I would not have made if I did not have S. But operating in her best interests does not change me. I might swear a little less, but that's only when she's around. I might go out less than I used to, but I'm basically a homebody anyway. When she's an adult and moves out on her own, I will not find myself lacking in things to do. Yes, I'm a mom, but I'm not only a mom. Although I am pretty focused on becoming a mom to another baby...
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