Vacation time

 Dear John,

I took your daughter on a trip to Maui to reward her for surviving her first year of college.  Before we left, we were getting into little spats.  It's an adjustment to being at home together again.  She has the expectations of an only child who is always the center of attention.  I have the behavior of a loner who is used to pleasing myself.  That's not a great combination.  I guess we worked it out.  I'm not entirely sure - it was shelved during vacation, at least, and she has not yet returned (we flew in and out of Chicago, so she stayed for another week with her boyfriend's family).  She'll be back next week - we'll see how things go.  I'm already disappointing her, as I have made plans to go to a concert with my friend, and will then have to rush home to help her move in to school.  I dared to make suggestions that she didn't like, so it will probably still be a problem.  Oh well - we'll figure it out. 

I'm planning on giving her the newer car and then trading in the 10 year old one once I figure out what I want.  She wants to take a car to school. So when I jokingly said I wouldn't need to go to college with her since she will be able to fit all her stuff in the car without me...she got upset.  Then when I said I was going to the concert, I said I could meet her there on the way back home.  She didn't like that either.  Sigh.  

Anyway, back to Maui - we saw a lot of beautiful scenery.  The Road to Hana is a very scenic but very scary 2(ish) lane road with a lot of single lane bridges and many, many, many curves as well and rises and drops.  Everyone finds it a challenging drive.  I thought, after Route 1 in California, it wasn't terrible.  We got to see some absolutely gorgeous views. S wanted to stop and cuddle some Highland cows, but felt like it wasn't totally ethical, so we skipped it.  I thought we should have gone because cows will definitely let you know if they are not interested.  We were going to go see the sunset at Haleakala and maybe do some stargazing afterwards.  But my sister and her husband said we needed to do the sunrise and then bike down the mountain.  Turns out that biking down a mountain when you're not a fan of heights is NOT the best experience.  Then, once we got down off the mountain...it started raining.  We should have just stopped in the town and had a snack or something, but your daughter just wanted to keep going.  We were pretty soaked when we got back (we were the first ones in).  We also did a snorkel trip.  The instructions were on the landing page for the trip, but not in any of the emails, so we were almost too late.  A couple snarky comments from the captain, but other than that, it was a fun day.  We got to see a lot of fish, and there was a good tour guide telling us what kind of fish they were.  

Aside from that, S spent a lot of time tanning.  We went to a fruit food truck, which was fun.  We stayed in a condo, so we bought some groceries and dined in most of the time.  There were things I wanted to do that she didn't, which gets on my nerves.  But I don't want to fight on vacation.  I did not get to the Aquarium, but I did walk to the mall when she decided she didn't want to go.  It was a good long walk, and I got to see a bright rainbow on my way back.  I also saw the black rock that people jump off of, but I was distracted by a boat that was docked and loading there, so I didn't actually realize.  Your daughter took me horseback riding for Mother's Day and my birthday.  It was a delightful ride, although she should have been riding Mick Fleetwood, as she listens to Fleetwood Mac more than I do.  She had Spirit, who was not very cooperative.

While we were there, I got some texts from your brother's wife.  It seems several of your sisters, as well as your mother, were harassing her to ask her for things of your brother's that belonged to your father.  Then they were asking her why she didn't get help for him, or call 911 when he was suicidal, or if they were arguing.  They got her angry enough that 1) her dad said he wanted all their numbers to tell them to fuck off (her dad, who is like your dad and doesn't talk a whole lot, sat in the back of the church for the entire funeral, and generally seems to pretty much keep to himself) and 2) she told them that she was taking a step back from them because she couldn't believe they would do that to someone who was grieving.  She told them that she'd get the stuff to them when she can get at it, as her whole house is stuffed into the garage due to the fire.  She landed some solid blows - I think she's been holding back for a while.  She said that you had once asked your brother if he thought the family would take care of her and (at the time, before your nephew came along) your niece if something happened to him.  I guess we all know the answer to that now.  Disappointing but not surprising.  

Anyway, that was the most expensive vacation I have ever taken - the dogs were in boarding for 11 days because we went to my niece's graduation before we left.  Then the flights/condo/rental car were all very expensive as well.  But it may be the only vacation I take this year (unless we go to Ireland for Christmas).  I think it was worth it.  Maui was incredibly beautiful.  Your daughter enjoyed herself.  It was relaxing.  I wish you had been there with us - you would have loved it all.  It would have suited your sense of adventure, and your love of nature.  So many things S and I do, and I always wish you were there to enjoy it too.  I think, tomorrow, I will look at the pictures of the one real vacation we did take to California.  We had a great time, once you got your irritation over my lack of moment-by-moment planning out of the way.  You were actually able to go with the flow.  I think that was the only time.

Love,

A