Maybe that feeling is called foreboding?

 Dear John,

I don't know why I'm feeling weird lately - today I thought I was going to burst into tears for no reason at all.  One day last week, I was super anxious...about nothing.  Probably my mind/body is telling me that the anniversary is going to be rough.  I've done all I can to prepare for it, so I guess I'm gonna have to ride this out.

I invited your watch friend up to view your collection.  He helped me organize some stuff - he's doing that show in May that I signed up for.  He's going to come back next month to help me with pricing.  He was very nice - and he brought his whole family up to help too.  They were also very nice and helpful.  He bought some of the parts - I feel like he paid a lot for what he got, but then, I don't know what that stuff should go for.  I know that if I were to sell it piece by piece, I'd make more money.  But I am not doing that.  

I think you know I always find some kind of entertainment in any kind of experience - even if I'm laughing at how mad I got about something.  So, here's my mental entertainment of the week.  For the second time in less than a year, someone introduced me to their parents as "this is my mom and dad."  The first time was at work - one of the DNA people, who is really reserved, said "Oh, this is my mom, dad, and sister."  I let there be just enough pause to be awkward, and then said "Do they have NAMES?!"  I don't know if she found it funny, but her mom and dad laughed and gave me their names.  This time, your watch friend just introduced his parents as Mom and Dad - when they were leaving, I said to his mom "What's your name?  I mean, I can call you Mom, but he (watch friend) never mentioned your name."  She laughed and told me that I could call her mom (but also gave me her name).  It was a good note to send her off on, though - she was pissed at her son and daughter-in-law for treating her like she was not useful when we were carrying stuff out of the basement.  (But she's in her 70s!  And has a bad back!)  I showed his dad a picture of you, and he said he thought he remembered meeting you at the Flea Market.  He's a clock guy, and I sold him that Mermod Jaccard clock you had in the garage.  I'm glad it's going to a good home.

Watch friend also said that one of your former regular customers would be at the show.  I mentioned that you had stopped dealing with that guy, because he wasn't reliable or honest.  I look forward to having to deal with all the jokers that you refused to sell to.  It's fine though - I need to lighten the load.  Today, I put stickers on all the bags for all the watches, so I can price them and know what I should ask for them.  

We're also preparing for our vacation.  I'm glad we're going with my bestie - she's helping me immensely through this whole process.  I wish you had a better concept of friendship - I think you had people that would have supported you through all of your trials, but you thought it would make you appear weak and they would stop respecting you.  But they came to you for advice - it would have made them feel good to be able to return the favor.  We were friends, but I think you would have been better to have discussed some of your feelings with other men, so you could see that it wasn't just you.  You seemed to think, though, that all of those relationships had to be transactional.  Maybe it's because you didn't have any leisure-time hobbies that you could share with others.  You always picked solitary activities.

Your friend the electrician has checked in with me a few times.  I like him - he's a good guy.  He sent his oldest off to join the military, and I think your experience has made him torn about it.  He wanted to talk to you about it, and about his mom's stuff.  And so many other things.  Ah, well...yet another missed opportunity.

I did manage to file the taxes, file for the property tax exemption (no more proof needed!  I can just send in the form now!  That seems kind of terrible that they make the vets jump through hoops, but not their widows.),  and deposit the watch stuff money from the weekend today.  I'm sure the IRS will send me a correction as usual.  I couldn't do state taxes online, for some reason.  I think it's because of the amount of our AGI from last year.  I did S's taxes too.  I made her watch, but I doubt she paid any attention.  

We've had a few storms lately.  One of them blew a piece of fascia off on the garage side of the house.  Of course we don't have a ladder tall enough for me to reach to put it back.  I could go up on top of the roof and get it that way.  I haven't decided if I want to do that or if I want to just pay someone to do it.  They could clean out the gutter on the back of the house, too, because I am certainly not doing that.  I might check with the guy who power-washed the house.  He does that kind of stuff too.  

Well, it's about my bedtime.  I now use TikTok videos to put me to sleep, instead of listening to you tell me about your day in the stock market.  It works, but it's not nearly as effective.  

Love,

A