Wrapping up

 Dear John,

My Goodreads stats are in - so far, I read 31 books this year.  That's half what I read last year, and a little more than 1/4 of what I read the year before.  I don't feel like I have time to read, and I don't feel like reading.  Many of the books I start end up on my "Gave up" shelf.  

You used to love that I was a reader, while at the same time harassing me for wasting time reading.  You appreciated my vocabulary and were often surprised when I would be informed about random things that you didn't know I was reading about. You couldn't sit with a book for any more than a few minutes.  It's funny how you wanted your mom to sit down and read a book or watch TV, but you couldn't do either one.  You often asked for philosophical books about the origin of the universe and things like that, but you couldn't read more than a few pages before you had to get up and do something else.  We did watch a lot of movies, though.  

I am having a hard time watching TV lately too.  We signed up for Hulu/Disney+ because it's really cheap right now.  $5/month for a year.  So far, we've watched...Frozen.  For some reason, our smart TV is super dumb and can't be updated enough to get the Hulu app.  And the AirPlayer that we would otherwise use also can't download Hulu.  Disney+ works, but no Hulu.  The smart Blu-Ray player also doesn't work.  I put the app on my phone, but I don't have headphones (at least, not until Christmas, anyway).  Today, I bought a Roku - it was pretty cheap and will load all the apps for all the channels.  Plus, I can also get a free month of HBOMax, so I can have another streaming service I won't watch.  😒😒 It's no fun to watch things without you.  S has been subjecting me to Gilmore Girls.  I have to say that I think it's the worst show I have ever watched.  I hate EVERY character.  All of them.  All the time.  They are all terrible, and I do not understand how that show was renewed for 7 years.  But the kid likes it.  So I sit through it with her sometimes.

The weird Christian neighbors have invited us over for coffee and cookies.  They were so...not for us when they moved in.  Going around to people's houses in the middle of Covid was definitely a choice.  But, as it turns out, they're from up north. So I have that in common with them.  They're still deeply weird - I consider all homeschoolers odd - but they do express concern for us since you're gone.  I mostly prefer to have brief conversations that I can cut short because the dogs need to move along.  But if she picks a day when we don't have something going on (which...there actually aren't many of those), I suppose we'll have to go over and be social for half an hour or so.

We're going to see The Nutcracker next week.  It's been a couple years since we last went.  But that is a tradition that S wants to keep, so we're going this year.  I wish you would have joined us once or twice.  But you liked to call it "our thing," so you didn't have to participate.  You were generally a Scrooge on Christmas - you never wanted to get up early to let S open her presents.  You always insisted she needed to take a break when you got bored watching her open gifts.  You'd get mad at me for spending too much.  You'd be irritated by at least 1 gift I'd gotten for you and insist that it needed to be returned.  

I remember the year when I finally had enough of that terrible blanket that you had forever.  It had holes in it.  It was scratchy.  I bought a soft fleecy blanket to replace it, and you did not want it.  You seemed to enjoy punishing yourself with that terrible blanket.  But I kept the fleecy one for our bed anyway (since you also decided you hated my comforter and refused to use it).  Then you would complain that I was stealing it from you.  You still refused to throw that stupid blue blanket away.  So, guess what I had them put in your coffin?  Your blue blanket - holes and all.  I also apparently had you buried in your work pants, because I couldn't find your good ones.  At least S picked out one of your favorite shirts.  As all the men in your family seem to have one stop on the color wheel, it was only fitting that she chose the blue shirt.  (Your stop on the color wheel was actually army brown/tan, but you also had a lot of blue shirts.)  Anyway, I wonder if they just tossed all that stuff in with you or actually arranged it nicely.  We didn't have any sort of viewing, because I know you would have hated people staring at you like that.  So I'm left wondering what the funeral home does when they know no one is watching.

Anyway, Christmas preparations continue.  I wrapped a lot of presents today.  I don't know exactly what we're doing yet, but I do know we're staying home.  The weather has gotten colder and they said it might snow.  S has a lot of appointments, so there's no time to go anywhere.  We'll be missing you, but not your bad attitude that was usually present at Christmas time.  

Love,

A