First Quarter

 Dear John,

 2024 hasn't really started out well - it's not terrible, but it's not good either.  I'm hoping that all the misery gets itself out of the way by the end of the month.  2 years after you're gone seems like a good time for things to improve.  We're going to start a little early with a vacation on the anniversary of your death.  There will be an eclipse the week after we return, and we're going to my sister's for the totality.  Then my grievance goes to arbitration at work.  So, April better be the turning point of this year. 

Still missing you a lot.  I don't really know how people move on.  I guess they're more comfortable letting people into their lives, where I am somewhat more reserved.  I read a lot of Reddit, and there are all these people who get married again within a year or two of their spouse's death.  I can't even imagine dating.  I don't even really want to go out and make friends.  Half the time, I don't want to hang out with my current friends.  I'm a little motivated to travel, but I also feel like I could just stay at home all the time and not feel too terrible about it.  

I am sort of enjoying watching American Idol without you complaining about the judges' commentary.  So that's an improvement.   I miss you finding the people to follow and remembering what they sang.   I miss having you around to discuss shows and movies.  I miss having to feed you all the time.  I don't want to cook - S is never home, but when she is...there's nothing to eat because I can't be bothered to cook for myself.  

The lawn looks terrible.  The weather has been so weird since you've been gone.  I think we're pretty much in a drought.  I need a bunch of rain for the lawn to come back.  The house is still standing.  There have been a lot of weird noises lately - not sure what's going on, although half the time, it's either the giveaway pile falling over or the shower curtain rod falling off the wall.  Every time the temperature changes...but there's A LOT less mold than there was with the shower doors, so I guess I will tolerate the annoyance of hanging the damn thing up every couple months.  

I went to have lunch with you the other day.  I was going to use my Subway gift card and a coupon.  I bought some Doritos and a Baja Blast at Casey's, because I know how disapproving you were when I would do that.  When I got to Subway, their choices for sandwiches you could get with the coupon were nothing I wanted to eat.  So, I skipped the sandwich, and took my Doritos and a blanket and a book, and sat down to enjoy the nice weather.  It was almost 80 degrees.  But it was so windy...the wind took my bag of Doritos, spread them among the graves, and then I had to chase the bag all the way across the field.  I was not amused.  I hate running.  Perhaps the guys who were waiting for the funerals to be done got a laugh out of it.  I'm sure you did.  

I think I've seen some of the cardinals hanging around.  Not sure if they will nest outside the deck again.  The foxes are in the back of the subdivision so far.  I added a few rocks to the spite berm, as well as mulch and pine needles, so I hope they won't be able to tear things up this year.  I've heard coyotes howling.  Haven't seen deer in a while, or hawks.  But we have had a lot of starlings and crows.  

S has been talking to your youngest sister - well, texting.  I think she's going to go down to see her cousins on Friday.  That will be nice.  I sent your mom a Happy Birthday text, which she did not acknowledge.  Your oldest niece, who graduated from art school last summer, got a job.  She'll be moving back to Chicago - not sure if her dad will pay her rent again.  We'll see.  Her brother should graduate next year, I think.  Those are the only family updates I know.

Love,

A