Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Working out

I try to work out in the mornings before work. Clearly I am crazy to do so, because that means I must drag myself out of bed at 4:45 am, in order to get everything in before I have to leave for work. When my husband is home and the weather is nice, I walk/run around our neighborhood. Otherwise, I have a variety of workout videos to use.

This morning, I broke out a new video, which my sister gave me for my birthday. Given that it came from my sister, it cost a maximum of $1*. Therefore, you know it's high quality! Apparently, it's British in origin. I could tell by the accent and because the pasty white woman performing the exercises was dressed in a black sports bra, black shorts, black ankle socks, and black shoes. (Aside: Now I know why my husband makes fun of me when I wear shorts in summer. I still don't care.) American exercise videos rarely include people who aren't tan. That particular shade of ghostly is generally reserved for those of us with ancestors from the UK or Ireland.

The second difference in this video from all of the American videos I own is that it is narrated by someone who is not performing the exercise. The monologue is not exactly concurrent with the action on the screen. That makes things a little difficult to follow. As an added bonus, the camera is frequently focused on anything other than the footwork, especially during a change in exercises. Makes things more challenging, I guess.

The third difference is the set appears to be the gym from my elementary school, with screens disguising the less attractive portions. They have the same chin-up ladders attached to the wall, the same hardwood floors...I didn't see a basketball hoop, but I assume it is behind the screen. The only difference? Their mats are more colorful than the ones stocked by the Chicago Public Schools/Park District.

However, the most striking difference is the description of the muscles that should be used during the exercise. I only did the ab portion this morning. Not once did anyone mention upper abs, lower abs, or obliques. Nope, it was "Tighten your stomach," or "stretch your side." During the pelvic tilt portion, I thought I was hearing things when the narrator told me to tighten my vaginal muscles and then my stomach. And that's vag-eye-nal, not vag-(short i)-nal. I'm sure I will be equally entertained tomorrow morning, when I discover how they describe the gluteal muscles.

While this is extremely entertaining and a refreshing change (and I get an extra ab workout from the chuckling), I think I will have to break down and buy that Shred video, so I can be like Aunt Becky.

*Lest you think my sister is cheap...well, she is, but not about gifts. She gave me a bag of 40 items for my 40th birthday, and this was one of the items. I also got a can of Mountain Dew, and some giant novelty sunglasses.

25 comments:

  1. I think I might have sprained my vageyena from laughing so hard at this post.

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  2. I am so thankful of the image of pasty white women in black sports garb telling you how to clench your girly parts. Whoo Hoot!

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  3. That's pretty funny. Foreigners!

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  4. Ummm .... you had me at the first paragraph. You get up at 4.45am?

    You get up at 4.45 am???? WTF?

    It's like, you're a superhero.

    I bow down to thee.

    *bows*

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  5. Because you get up so early, I will burn you a copy of The Shred and send it to you. Do you want me to? Email me with your address. Don't worry. I won't stalk you. I'm WAY too lazy.

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  6. I pulled a muscle there doing Tae Bo once. Seriously. Not fun.
    Good for you for getting up so early. I'm an evening exerciser, that gives me all day to think up an excuse not to do it.

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  7. funny - sounds like you have a great sister.

    Love to you.
    kelly
    http://www.ivebecomemymother.com

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  8. Eden is putting on a good show. She's ALWAYS commenting on my blog at 4:45 am.

    Bygones.

    So. Were your muscles sore the next day? You know which ones I mean ;-)

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  9. I bow down to you in awe of the dedication you must have to get up that early that often!

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  10. Excuse me, but we pasty foreigners think the way you lot say VAGinal sounds ridiculous too. ;)

    I think they used to show us that video during aerobics class when I was at school! And naturally, being 16, we all sniggered ourselves sick at vag(pronounced CORRECTLY)inal. Also, is why I never wear shorts in summer. I am so white I am pale blue and, um, squidgy (despite the adolescent aerobics).

    I envy people who get up early and exercise. But did you know early rising is at least partly genetic? At least, I like to think it is, as I'm a night owl/lazy [delete as appropriate].

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  11. haha. You just made me laugh aloud multiple times!

    I used to love working out in the mornings before work. Yes, it sucked getting out of bed, but it made me feel so awesome throughout the day. And then I'd sleep way better that night because I'd truly be ready for bed at an appropriate time.

    Good for you!

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  12. Peeing in my pants over the description. I think I would like to watch it without working out. Just pop it in and relax :-)

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  13. That is awesome. I insist that you post clips. I hate working out so i take a break when I'm pregnant..oh sorry I feel yucky today...works every time

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  14. I know a bunch of people who use Blockbuster's version of Netflix. They order exercise dvds in their que, and then get a date night video from the store. Kind of cool. Plenty of variety that way.

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  15. I know a bunch of people who use Blockbuster's version of Netflix. They order exercise dvds in their que, and then get a date night video from the store. Kind of cool. Plenty of variety that way.

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  16. Thanks so much for the info, defintely helpful. Added you to my blogroll. You may have been there before, i lost it, anyway you are there and I will be here now. Thanks again. Oh I agree do post some clips, hilarious!

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  17. I really needed to read this today. Ha!

    And I'm with Edenland...I had a hard time getting past the 4:45 business...good thing you started talking about vagEYEnas to keep me on track. LOL.

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  18. You are too funny This is a great blog and I am glad I found you. I am following and looking forward to some more laughs

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  19. You almost lost me at 4:45. Almost. I'm glad I stuck around though, because this post was sure entertaining!

    Shred was all right. Let me suggest the "quick fix" series. They are a compilation of 9 workouts, each 10 minutes each, and so you can do 1, 2, 3 (you get the point) at a time. Plus they're great. I love the strength training one, plus I have a yoga / pilates that's pretty good too.

    p.s. Got here from the ungame. I was lucky, yours was a good one to post under. :)

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  20. I'm not sure I would remember that I am supposed to be exercising (my vaginal) muscles.

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  21. Lol... this made my day.
    I whish I had your self disipline when it comes to work out.

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  22. LOLLLLLLLLLLLL! I left you some love at wishing4one. xoxoxoxo

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