I'm not getting much time to grieve this almost pregnancy. My husband returned to work today, so it's just me and my girl for a month. I feel mentally exhausted, but I can't sleep very well. I'm sad, but I don't know what the root cause is today. I'm sad because I miss my husband when he's not here. I'm sad because my daughter is sad because she misses her dad. I'm sad because I really want another baby, and this last chance didn't work. I'm sad because I have cramps. I'm sad because the idiot at the lab couldn't get a vein on my last blood draw and was wiggling the needle around in my arm and the bruise hurts. I'm sad because I have to have another blood draw to make sure that beta goes to zero.
I went to Tar.get today. I don't understand why it is that that particular store is a giant pregnant woman magnet. I saw no less than than 4 pregnant women today. One of them was smoking in the parking lot. I hate to judge people, but, seriously, she couldn't quit for a few months? I guess probably not, or she would have. I must be feeling a little better, since the sight of legions of pregnant women is not one of the things making me sad. I also don't understand why the pregnant women only appear to those who are trying so hard to have a baby. I never registered a pregnant woman when I was in my twenties, unless I knew her.
I have some things to look forward to. I will lose the bloating and the pregnancy brain (how did I get that in a chemical pregnancy???). I can have a glass (or a bottle!) of wine. My family and I will be getting together at the end of the month. We only get to do that about once a year. I will get to see friends (and, of course, their new babies). I will take 3 days off work. My husband will be home in a month. And every day, I get some kind of new entertainment from a certain 2 year old little girl.