Strength

 Dear John,

Why does everyone think that I am physically weak?  I mean...people generally know that I am smart and capable, and therefore "strong."  And I know that my size reads child rather than adult.  But forever, everyone sees me lifting things and runs to take it from me.  Not you, of course - you would make fun of me for not carrying more blocks.  But I'd be hauling around retaining wall stones for you, and bags of dirt or mulch.  If your mom saw me, she, who used to be an inch or two taller than me, would try to take the item from me like I wasn't able to carry it.  I don't think I've ever had to put my suitcase in the overhead bin on an airplane.  It's really weird to me.

Anyway, this came up yesterday, because I was trying to pull the stove out to clean behind it.  I haven't done it since you've been gone, and I think it was almost a year before that.  I was trying to lift up the front legs to slide some cardboard under there so I didn't scratch the floor, and I called your daughter over to help me.  Your daughter, who spends a lot of time at the gym or using your weights downstairs.  Your daughter who brags about how much she can bench.  That daughter was absolutely useless at tilting the stove...or even lifting it at all.  I basically did it myself, and she said "How are you so strong?"  I was all...how do you spend so much time at the gym and you still can't lift anything?

I guess part of it is that I have stick-like forearms and pretty skinny wrists.  Maybe that's what people notice and assume that's indicative of how much muscle I have.  I guess they don't notice my sturdy Polish legs.  Power comes from your legs anyway.

I guess this is about the last time I can appreciate my ability to lift things, as I really started having issues a couple years ago.  I lifted a 20L can of methanol at work and injured my back.  As long as I don't twist, I'm fine.  But for now, I can still move the stove and refrigerator out to clean.  Aging sucks.

Anyway, it was pretty disgusting back there.  But it's clean now.  And I will try to keep it that way.  On to my next New Year's cleaning binge task.

Love,

A

Holidays

 Dear John,

I was out to your grave twice this past week.  Probably due to the nonsense going on at work.  You would not approve, but c'est la vie.  You know how I am.  Keeping it vague, because it's too long and stupid to explain.  However, just know that I am right.  😇

I got notification that JD died.  I hadn't really heard from him in quite a while, but I have fond-ish memories of him.  I went to his funeral today - I thought maybe one or two people from work would be there, but I was the only one.  His wife said that he had fought a long battle with cancer.  I would not have reckoned that he would have lasted this long, regardless.  He had not-well-controlled diabetes and heart disease when he retired.  I'm glad I went.  I mentioned you to his wife, and she remembered your name.  We expressed our mutual dislike of DP.  It was a small, but nice, send-off.

Anyway, I'm off work until January 9, I think.  That will be a nice break - a little longer than I expected, but I'm not complaining.  I just scheduled a haircut.  I'm going to work on some craft projects.  I will have to clean the house next week for New Year's.  

I don't have much holiday spirit.  It looks like I will have a good deal of alone time.  S is going to spend Christmas Eve with her boyfriend and his family.  She may have gotten a B on her Spanish final, but she's going to have to pick some of that up, if she spends more time with his family.  I don't know how much English her boyfriend's parents speak.  Your sister invited us to the family Christmas, but S will be at her boyfriend's.  Your mom texted S for the first time in a long time the other day.  I can only assume that the Christmas gift I sent arrived.  😐  I also sent a plant to her friend C - she still remembers every birthday and anniversary, and I just wanted to acknowledge how special she makes people feel just by sending a little card and note.  

Also, in keeping with her John Jr. genes, S got a second job.  Her first one is not scheduling her - since she's an assistant manager, she's too expensive for the events they're having.  So, she's going to bus tables at the restaurant where they have been going before homecoming every year.  She'll be working with one of her friends.  I'm sort of confused about this friend - she seems very nice and is kind to S, but S doesn't really seem interested in deepening the friendship.  Maybe working together will be good for them.  Or, knowing S, who also has some of my tendencies, she'll get sick of the girl and never want to talk to her again.  

I sent some money to the Roth IRA the other day.  Today, I decided to buy some investments.  I bought two things - an ETF, and then increased holdings on a stock that you had purchased (and lost A LOT of money on).  The market immediately tanked, so I think I lost about $400 in 3 hours.  Sigh - good thing I'm a buy and hold kind of person.  Or rather, I'm a don't mess with the stock market kind of person.  I think I'd rather diversify my money into experiences than investments, though, so I will keep looking at all the travel ads and do some fun things once I retire and S goes off to college.  Good thing my sister doesn't mind watching the dogs...

Of all things, I'm having the hardest time feeding myself.  I don't want to cook anything because there's no one to eat it.  Nothing appeals anyway, so I don't have any ideas for what to eat.  I don't even have any snacks or convenience foods that I want to eat.  Today I even made oatmeal to see if I suddenly got over my revulsion.  It's still bad, but since I didn't try to eat a whole bunch of it, it's wasn't as terrible.  I think I might treat it like rice and add butter and salt instead of sugar and fruit.  Or I could just make apple crisp and pretend that's a healthy way to incorporate oatmeal into my diet.  Or more oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

Speaking of the cookies, S has been making them for her friends lately.  She was apparently telling them they were a family recipe.  I laughed and told her that the recipe came from an old girlfriend of yours who you ended up hating.  Which is why her name is blacked out on the recipe card.  

Wishing I had some good dinner ideas.  It's hard to cook for one.

Love,

A