A request

 Dear John,

It's almost 17 years since D (or as Lori called her, Snakewoman) had you escorted out of work and placed on a mental health leave.  It was my mistake - you had already made a comment that gave her an opening before you went for your 2 weeks of Reserves annual training.  Then I made a casual comment about you being stressed out (about the baby) and getting sick and coming home early.  She turned that into evidence that you were unstable and should not be at the lab any more.  That was September 30, 2006 - S was born 10 days later.  No wonder my blood pressure was high after her birth.  On the one hand, it was good - you were able to be home with the baby for her first 5 months.  On the other hand, it was hugely stressful to both of us to be dealing with that kind of work nonsense.  When you returned to work, it only took another month before you were fed up and found another job.  Too bad that job was in West Virginia.  I almost quit and went with you.  Instead, you had a very long commute for a year.  

You were stressed - we had had several miscarriages/chemical pregnancies before we visited the fertility doctor.  Then you had to watch me inject myself with heparin twice a day for almost 3 months.  You worried about everything already anyway.  And the responsibility of parenthood was quickly approaching.  But it was downright evil for someone who purports to be such an excellent Christian to use that kind of thing against you.  She's one of the reasons I have an overwhelming prejudice against Baptists.  (Our other coworker, who also had a part to play in that farce of your last year there, is also a Baptist, as is her husband (another coworker).  They're all fucking hypocrites as far as I can tell.)  Don't get me wrong - you were a fool to let the jealousy and needling make you act out.  But I will never forget their behavior.  It was a decent entry into your quest for VA disability, though, so it served some purpose in the grand scheme of things, I suppose.

S's birthday is coming up, and she asked if she could take her boyfriend to visit you.  I was surprised - she has not expressed any desire to go before.  She says yes when I ask if she wants to stop, but has never asked about it for herself.  (She texted me "Can I go see dad with (boyfriend) for my birthday?"  I replied "? At the cemetery?" She responded "No - at the ouija board.  Of course at the cemetery."  I have taught the sarcasm well...)  I'm never sure how she feels about things, so I am pleased when she mentions you or asks to do things like this.  Her boyfriend shares the name of the guy I dated before we got together, so that's interesting.  He's a bit of a fluffy haired idiot, but he's only mildly dramatic.  He's a year ahead of her, so I don't know how long this will last.  We were talking about all the nicknames you would have given him.  

I guess I need to drag the ladder inside so I can take a look at the bathroom fan.  It's making terrible noises again.  I hope a little WD40 will fix the issue.  I keep thinking I should call your friend to do some electrical work around here.  I would like to get some wiring for security cameras done...except I don't worry too much about security so it would be a waste of money.  I need that fan replaced.  There's the light switch in the basement I would like to have connected, as I won't be doing....whatever it was you had planned for that area.  I would like to put new lights on the garage.  I could probably do all of this myself.  I know it's not that hard.  But I remain unmotivated.

Our lawn guy offered to do aerating and overseeding for $550.  That seems pretty expensive, so I haven't responded.  The front really just needs dethatching and seeding.  The one side of the house needs nothing.  The other side and back could use the aerating.  I don't know - maybe next year.  The boyfriend offered to do it - I guess maybe that's what his dad does.  I know the boyfriend does yard work for his summer job.  

In other landscaping news, I don't know if our idiot neighbors neglected to point out the property line again, or if the HOA felt sorry for me and took care of it.  But the weeds and grasses under the red bud tree were all cleared out last weekend.  I saw that one guy who does all the yard cleanup in the subdivision next door last Saturday.  When I went out Saturday evening to walk the dogs, I saw that everything under the tree was gone.  I don't really like that everything was cleared out - we still had some butterfly bushes there.  But I guess free landscaping is free landscaping.  I didn't ask for it so I hope no one tries to bill me for it.  The foxes were digging in the berm behind there and displacing all the landscape fabric, so I bought some bags of mulch to hold the fabric down.  I didn't spread the mulch - just put the bags out there.  So now you can see that delightful arrangement from the street, since all the foliage that was blocking it out is gone.  Fall is almost here, and the foxes will go to ground somewhere.  Once they're less active, I can spread the mulch.  The foxes (I assume) also left me a squirrel tail on the driveway the other day.  A couple days later, I think S rolled over a frog with the car on her way home from the gym.  The wildlife action around here never stops.

Love,

A

More Work Stuff

 Dear John,

One of the guys who started with me died last month.  He was a super-nice guy.  Always funny but never mean.  I haven't seen him in over 25 years, but it's still pretty sad.

I was talking about connection to my job this morning, and it's just not there any more.  We were laughing about the new Standards put out by the organization built by the feds to standardize our processes.  It's definitely a case of people using big words because they want to sound smart, not because those are the best words to describe a process.  The person who sent the document to me was also delivering burns, as she noted that Google didn't think several of their terms were actual words.  I don't mind change - improvements are always welcome.  Change for the sake of changing is just dumb.

I did figure out a couple reasons why I no longer have connection.  One is because I don't have a backlog any more.  No one has to wait for me to finish stuff - I'm pretty much finishing it the same month it was delivered.  We haven't really had a case go longer than 45 days in a while, without a good reason.  If no one is waiting for me to get stuff done, I have no motivation to work on it.  A second reason is that I don't interact with people any more.  I was downstairs doing that today, and it was fun.  I got to see gross pictures, provide some excellent service, have some laughs.  I'm ready to be done, though.  Less than 2 years, I think.

I had another garage sale this weekend.  10+ Hours of annoyance for $100.  UGH.  Really not worth my time, but someone actually bought the kitchen sink that's been sitting in the garage for over a year.  I also spent a lot of time talking to some young lady who was absolutely obsessed with dolphins - especially Hope and Winter from the Clearwater Aquarium.  I would bet there aren't too many people in her life that listen to her talk about dolphins.  Another lady came by and bought a bag that one of the dogs had chewed on.  She was pretty lively - told me about her entire day's plans as well as the event she wanted the bag for.  It's some sort of Renaissance type event.  It's like a Cinderella ball, but with a fantasy component - dragons and fairies and stuff.  There were a couple of Trumpers who came through.  One didn't buy anything and the other bought something I was happy to get rid of.  

I was trying to sell your impact driver - some dude was trying to tell me that the attachments were worthless because they're American, and everything is metric.  Newsflash, Dude: No one really works on their cars any more, so it doesn't matter if they're metric or not.  Our lawn guy bought your oil filter wrench.  I sold that dumb ladder you took from the neighbor's trash.  Then I packed everything else up and took it to Goodwill.  I still have a lot of your clothes.  And I just found a place where I can send all of your old boxers for re-use or recycling.  It's not like they're stained and dirty, so I hate to just throw them away.  And I will never use that many rags in this lifetime. 

I heard Clocks by Coldplay on the radio this morning.  It always makes me think of you.  I cried.

Love,

A

Work stuff

 Dear John,

Well, it was an exciting week at work.  Our former immediate supervisor, D, is now in charge of the whole lab.  For years, I have laughed silently to myself as she has portrayed herself as the super-empathetic, always nice, pleasant bestie who supports everyone in the place.  I have watched people buy into this story since you left.  And this last week, she showed her true snake nature to everyone, though I know some of them still haven't picked up on it.

Our new people came back from a meeting with her and our new-ish immediate supervisor, STUNNED at the way she turned on them.  They said "I don't have any respect for her after that meeting."  I just chuckled and said, "she's fine as long as she doesn't feel like things will reflect poorly on her.  But once that starts to happen...watch out."

Then we had a staff meeting, during which she again showed her true nature AND told a "motivational" story that left all of us wondering if she was telling us to quit our jobs.  I think the actual point of the story was to tell us to quit our bitching because we have it waaaay better than anyone else.  While that is sort of true, it doesn't negate the highly irritating behavior of our management.  The next day, one of my buddies in another section said "I just want her to drop the act.  We all know how she is now - there's no point in continuing to be fake."  I laughed at him too, because...that's just how she is.  Maybe I've never told him your story, so that's why it's news to him.  Regardless, I am entertained.

On top of that, on Tuesday, I started out with being greeted by a skunk when I pulled up to the gate at work.  I thought it was one of the cats that live next door (although someone must have TNR'd them, because there are hardly any roaming about any more), until I saw it waddling.  When the gate started to open, he raised his tail in warning.  He looked around and decided there was no threat and kept waddling on.  He was far enough away that his spray wouldn't have been likely to reach the car, but I did not want to test that theory.  On my way home, I was driving along and saw a motorcycle ahead of me, with something large and white on the back of it.  I looked as though the driver had a plastic trash bag tied to him or something.  I eventually caught up to the bike at a stop light - imagine my surprise when I turned to see that it was a person with a white fuzzy helmet with bunny ears.  😲

I did start the process to move my retirement eligibility date back to a year from now.  I don't know if you'd approve of the expense, but I think it will be worth it.  Either I could retire at the end of next year, or I will wait for S to finish her senior year and retire then.  I won't have quite as much sick time saved as I would like if I opt for the end of next year.  It may not matter, though - I have to calculate out the days I will need.  And if I wait until S graduates, I should have an entire additional 1.67% for my retirement rate.  Or more.  Regardless, it's time to go.  I have loved my job over the last 30 years - and I've hated it too.  But it's time to make room for the new people.  It's not my identity any more, and it hasn't been for a while.  For sure since you died, and maybe before that.  

Your brother invited us to a birthday party for his kids this weekend.  S has to work, so we're not going.  But that was unusual.  I'll probably send some gifts anyway.  I don't remember how old his son is, 4 or 5?  I found some fishing reels in the garage - I gave them to my fisherman friends at work.  S said she didn't want them.  I assume they were probably your dad's or grandfather's.  I probably should've given them to the little guy for his birthday.  But it's much easier to order something from Amazon, since I won't be going down that way.  I wish you were here to attend - you always loved interacting with your nieces and nephews.  Your siblings never appreciated that.

Love,

A