State of the world

Dear John,

It's been a while.  We're coming up on the 3rd anniversary of your death.  It is so conflicting for me to say that I am sort of glad you're not around to witness the current administration and the absolute bullshit they're pulling right now.  That's especially true given the fact that messing around with Tesla stock was a contributing factor to the other things that pushed you over the edge.  I am fully convinced that you would have tried to go after someone if you were still here, and I would not have been able to stop you.

Fortunately, I feel pretty well prepared thanks to your tutelage.  I have a supply of food.  I replaced appliances that needed replacing before everything got going.  We're trying (not well - your daughter is expensive!) to minimize spending but I'm doing my best to stick to essentials only.  I took an inventory of the silver but I wish we had more gold.  Then again, I forget about all the scrap jewelry that's floating around here.

OK, well, enough of that - on to some brighter topics.  We're still keeping the tradition of travel on the anniversary.  This year, it's just a quick weekend trip to NYC, because S really wants to go.  I do too, since I've never been.  Should be fun.  Will definitely be exhausting.

Speaking of S, it's all drama, all the time around here.  She broke up with her boyfriend before Christmas - he was being shady.  They're sort of back together, but it seems to be just for convenience on her part.  Half of her friend group seems to have turned on her.  She's very angry with them.  We'll see how that shakes out as they have a lot of plans coming up, including 2 trips.

In better news, she has received the Veteran's scholarship, so she can get her 4 years of undergrad for free tuition.  She's waiting for the fancy school responses before she officially accepts.  Yale, Northwestern, and a couple others should be coming soon.  But she'll probably take the scholarship.

She is still working 2 jobs.  She has a lot of travel planned - NYC, then Chicago (if she's still going with friends - I'll be going to watch my sister's dogs while she and her husband are in Iceland), then, after graduation, she'll be off on her senior trip to Italy and Greece.  When she gets back from that, she's supposed to go to Miami with her friends (that's a whole other story) but I don't know if that will still be on.  I was looking at a week at Hale Koa in Honolulu before she went off to school but the timeline was too tight.  Maybe I will go on my own.

Your youngest sister's daughter was playing volleyball at a school near us, so she invited S to go and watch.  I went too - your mom was there.  It was nice to see them.  Your mom was trying to get your sister to go get ice cream afterward - it's funny to watch your sister totally ignore hints like the ones your mom was dropping. 

Remember that essentials only spending?  Well, I almost bought Norman's 3 acres.  I guess his wife died last year and his kids moved him out pretty quickly after.  The property went up for auction with your favorite auction house.  As usual, they continue to obscure information about the property.  That guy is a dick.  Anyway, I was prepared to pay a lot for the land and house until I went to the open house.  The floors are massively uneven.  It looked like the ceilings were asbestos.  The porch was separating from the house.  The drain from the upstairs bathroom was fully visible in one of the rooms.  It's got city water but a septic system.  And you know all the barking for which you were always calling the police?  His wife bred collies.  They had 3 dog runs in the back and 8 kennels in the (dark, depressing) basement.  It would have been a very expensive reno.  I am sort of waiting for that dick to contact me.  I bid $175K.  Before the open house, it sat at $104K.  After, the bid went up in $2000 increments from one bidder to just under my max.  After listening to you during all your years on eBay, it looked like someone was trying to find my limit to push the price up.  I wasn't sure if they would keep going - I was pretty anxious that I would actually have to buy the place.  But, fortunately, they ended at $1000 over my max.  So, if this was a shill bidder trying to inflate the price, I would imagine they'll contact me to say the bidder backed out.  Well, I might be willing to pay $104K for the property.  I think I could redo the place with a $70K budget.  But I'm relieved that it won't be my responsibility.  We'll see who shows up to work on the place.

Half of the basement dog kennels. Don't know how to rotate the image.

Meanwhile, since Deportation Don is destroying society as we know it, I am mildly concerned that my lawn service might be gone.  I am pretty sure the guy is at least a legal permanent resident - his business seems to be properly registered.  But since no one really speaks English, I have to wonder.  It hasn't really been great for grass growth yet, so I will wait until things get growing before I text the guy.  I have to put out the crabgrass preventer fertilizer once more today.  I think the pine trees need some iron too.  I probably also need iron, so that's an easy way to get some.

Yesterday, I was out doing yard work.  First, our most hated neighbor was out.  You would enjoy the schadenfreude of how fat she has become.  As a strictly appearance-based person, it must pain her to look in the mirror.  That melts some of the icicles in my cold, dead heart. 😈  I bought some peonies to put on the spite berm.  I hope they make it!  I planted some tulips last fall - they're starting to come up. I also got some bleeding heart for the thoroughly shaded "vegetable garden" that now just has hostas, a burning bush, a bunch of columbine, and some other plant that might be primrose between the trees.  I keep planting stuff to try and overtake the weeds.  I also managed to pull out one of the dead creeping junipers that was on the one retaining wall.  It was a struggle, but I got it done.  Your daughter, the previous evening, told me I needed to start going to the gym so I don't get old and feeble.  I assured her that I am getting some exercise, between the calisthenics, housework, and yardwork, not to mention the odd session of aerobics and the daily dog walking.  She was, nevertheless, horrified to see me all sweaty and red-faced, trying to pull that stupid bush out.  I managed it though.  I planted a common lilac in its place, which will provide lovely scents and additional screening from the neighbors.  All my previous lilacs have been in the wrong place, and you're not here to stop me from putting it where I want!  I may put more in front of the deck. They'll be the compact version, though.  However, I need to kill off the prairie grass and get the deck and patio redone, so that's a future project.

I have more stories for you but I guess I will save them for later.  Missing you as always, but also relieved you don't have to try to deal with Season 2 of this horrifying reality/horror show.

Love, 

A

Adult?

 Dear John,

Who knew that 18 years ago today was our last day as a family of 2?  I can't believe our baby is about to be 18.  You were so stressed during the whole pregnancy.  I think the only part you enjoyed was naming her.  I wanted one name, but you had grander plans.  You didn't mind my name choice - it was the name of an aunt that you particularly liked.  (The reason you liked her so well is a little sad.  It was because she actually paid attention to you and what you liked.  I don't think that was something you experienced much in your family.)  Also, you liked the play of letters and numbers, and her middle name shares 3 letters with your middle name as well as your dad's first name, and it shares 4 letters of my dad's first name as well as the first letter of his last name.  But you picked a word out of the Bible to use as a first name.  Neither of us has ever been particularly religious, but you spent a lot of time worrying about and yelling at God.  And then there was the time you let the Mormons into the house and had a long discussion with them.  After they left, I told you what the more unusual components of their religion involved, and you were kind of horrified.  I was amused.  Anyway, back to the name, I warned you that people would not know how to pronounce it, nor would they be able to spell it.  But she loves it, because it's unique and because you gave it to her.  

I'm very upset right now that you're not here to see how well she's grown up.  She's bright and beautiful and engaging with life.  She works hard.  You would not approve of my lax attitude about her access to the car and the amount of time she spends at home (almost none).  But she seems to be doing OK.  She will likely have her pick of colleges - she's been accepted to 8 or 10 already with no effort.  Now she wants to apply to Yale and a few more that I can't afford.  We'll see if she can muster up any scholarships.  She got the highest PSAT score at her school, but did not make it to National Merit Scholar - only Commended.  She did well on the SAT with no prep, but not Ivy League scholarship well.  She's taking the ACT at the end of the month, and is taking a prep class, so I hope that will boost her into scholarship level.  We're still looking at the Veteran's scholarship for the state university.  It's a great school and she wouldn't be upset if she ended up there.  But I want her to realize all her dreams.  

That's not to say she's perfect.  She's got your family genes after all and while she can be empathetic...she's pretty judgmental.  I told my coworkers that it's written in her DNA - she doesn't have ATCG; she has JUDGE.  She also gets pretty irritable...can't imagine where she got that from.  She's impatient.  (Another mystery)  She's overly involved in her appearance as far as her clothing goes.  I KNOW where she got that from - your family.  But overall, I think she's going to be a wonderful person.

She's thinking of going into medicine.  I'm not sure she has the staying power or the stomach for it.  But if she makes it through, I think she would be fantastic.  She has the right combination of caring and distance that would make for a good approach.  She has good customer service skills, which would give her a good bedside manner.  But she's looking into anesthesiology, which speaks to her desire to make people stop annoying her.  

I looked at the pictures from just after she was born.  I want to post the one of you, her, and your dad, taken just after she was born, where you look absolutely terrified.  But I know you wouldn't approve.  I wish you could see how she's turned out thus far.  You'd be so proud.

Love,

A

The Bear

 Dear John,

So, it seems there was a black bear wandering through your mom's neighborhood!  She still refers to the previous Chief of Police as the owner of a particular house, though I think a few people have been through there since he left.  Anyway, it was in his yard.  She sent some pictures in the group chat.  I sent a text, telling her that I hoped she wasn't gardening today, but your brother (or his wife) sent your niece over to tell her in person.  I don't think your mom believed her.  

When I picked up our mail after our vacation, I was very surprised to find multiple checks in the mail.  The Army has finally processed my request for your pension.  As the Army does, they caught me up from the date of your death (which is kinda funny, since, at the time, I was not eligible to collect both the DIC and your pension.  But they changed the rules in 2023, so that was a nice surprise.)  Though they insisted that a direct deposit form be part of the packet I submitted, I continue to get paper checks.  One of my friends (who does Army HR) said they do that to make sure the right person is getting the checks before they move to the automated system.  

I was going to go on a big political rant, but I will suffice it to say that I feel a lot better with the energy that that Harris/Walz ticket is bringing.  I know you did not like Harris, but you also didn't vote.  So, too bad.  Plus, you definitely did not respond well to women in positions of authority.  Also too bad.

Now, on to the bad news.  I put my engagement ring on to wear for S's senior pictures.  When I came home, the diamond was gone.  I'm very upset about this, but then again, you kind of ruined the moment when you proposed to yourself with it anyway.  I took it to Roger's and Holland's for the insurance estimate, so I'm waiting for that to come through.  I don't know if I'll replace it, replace it with a lab created diamond, get something entirely different, or use some of the gemstones that you bought on a whim and make a different memorial ring.  It's not like I wore my engagement ring much after S was born - it stuck out too far, and I was afraid to scratch her.  Then my fingers got too fat.  Then you had it resized, but we never went anywhere, so I still didn't wear it.  Of course, the one time I pull it out...

S is getting her wisdom teeth out this month.  The dogs are also getting dental services.  It's a good thing I got all that Army money, because it's going to be an expensive month.  S's senior pictures turned out pretty gorgeous.  I'm still waiting for the go-ahead to post them.  As usual, she doesn't like most of them, but I think they're all great.  Well, maybe there are a couple that aren't the best.  But her not-the-best is still pretty great.

She was at work tonight, and they ended up with 50 or so extra hot dogs.  We were trying to find a homeless shelter to give them to, but there's only one near here, and it's in a really bad location.  I called two different cop shops to try and get them to take them to the shelter, but they're too busy doing nothing.  (The state police said they only had 5 guys on tonight for 6 counties.  Guess it's time to go speeding!)  Oh well, I gave it my best shot.  The other closest shelters are not in too great of areas either, and they don't answer their phones.  It's hard to give stuff away sometimes.  I guess I could have hit up the lady who's always chasing down the unhoused people to take photos of them to post on FB and invite them to her church.  Maybe next time...or maybe we should find out where the bear went, and leave them out for him!  I think he went east today. 

Love,

A

Road Trip!

 Dear John,

As S says all the time...Tell me why I filled out all the Direct Deposit information REQUIRED by the Army for your pension application and they have now sent me 4 paper checks.  Sigh.  Anyway, I am now collecting your Army pension, so that's good news.  

We just got back from our trip to the West Coast - we stayed with my cousin in San Francisco.  You would have loved her house.  The views are spectacular, and the house is old and charming and full of wonderful details.  It's on quite a hill though.  It was very comfy, and I hope I will be able to go back.  We also saw my other cousin.  I think I overwhelmed her with people, and she didn't have much to say.  S and I both noticed that her husband is SUPER fake.  S said she saw him laugh, and then turn away and immediately frown.  But she seems to like him, so that's what counts.  I got to meet their dog, who is adorable.  She never goes home to visit her family, and I wonder why.  I can't imagine maintaining that kind of distance - I even see the sister I don't like at least every other year.

After driving down Lombard street (which is a series of switchbacks) and stopping at Treasure Island to see Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge (which you can also see from my cousin's house), we went to my cousin's art show in Berkeley.  It was pretty cool.  I wish I were more social - I would enjoy living in a place like that.  But everything is so tightly packed and I don't really want to be that close to people any more.  I did have to contribute $0.75 to my cousin - the former president's name can't be mentioned in her house, and I did it 3X by accident.  In my defense, we were there the day he was "shot."  I'm not buying that he got hit by a bullet.  

Next, we started out driving towards Seattle along CA-1.  I was PETRIFIED.  It was so steep and curvy and winding.  I was thinking of you and our trip to see the Giant Sequoias and Hearst Castle and Santa Barbara and the wine ghetto in Lodi.  You did all the driving, and I was happy for it.  We had a Cadillac CT-5 to drive.  It was nice, but not something I would want to buy.  I'm pretty sure the brakes were shot by the time we turned it in.  

As we drove, I kept saying "I should stop at the scenic overlook" as I drove by - S finally said "Just stop somewhere!"  So, I turned, and the next thing you know, we're on a 2 hour detour to see a lighthouse I had no intention of stopping at.  It was pretty cool, and we were maybe 30 feet from a coyote hanging out on the hillside and 70 feet from the deer at the top of the hill.  Then we had to walk down (and then back up) 313 stairs to the lighthouse.  I thought I was gonna die on the way back up.  But it was a pretty cool place.

We drove up the coast.  Stayed in a dump in Fort Bragg - people were having a screaming argument in the parking lot, but you could see the ocean, and we picked up some sea glass at the beach.  The next day, we drove through a tree (lame) and then stopped at the roadside attraction that inspired Gravity Falls, which is S's favorite show.  We've watched it in its entirety at least 3 times.  We drove up another mountain to hike on an easy trail.  S and her friend (I let her invite her friend, as I thought it would be more fun for her, and it wouldn't cost much more.) got dressed up to take Instagram pictures at sunset on the beach.  It was a pretty spectacular night.

The next day, we went to another roadside attraction, but this one was a trail that had elevated walkways in the trees.  It was really cool.  They had a lot of chainsaw sculptures.  They had a tram up to the top of the mountain, and the scenery there was amazing.  We walked around twice to get our $30 worth.  Then we drove into Oregon.  We stayed in Bandon, at an adorable little motel.  You would have hated it - you could hear road noise all night.  But it was really cute, inside and out.  I had no idea there was so much sand in Oregon.  We stopped at scenic overlooks, took some hikes down to beaches, walked through a cave to get to a different beach, saw Haystack Rock (from The Goonies), but from waaaaay down the beach because...parking.  Then our next hotel called to say they were leaving early, and sent us contactless check-in info.  You might have liked that aspect, and they had a fan available to drown out road noise.  

We drove up the Washington state coast, but didn't really get to see the ocean at all.  It was like driving through a botanical garden, though, so you would have enjoyed that.  We went to Forks WA, since S wanted to live out her Twilight dreams.  That's really what inspired the trip - when we were on the Alaskan cruise last year, and we were nearing Victoria, Canada, she noted that we were near Forks and she wanted to go.  Forks was hilarious - it is 100% Twilight all the time.  I hated the first book and think the movies are ridiculous.  But the town was fun.  Then we headed to Seattle.  When we got in, we were confronted with the great Crowdstrike Windows breakdown of 2024.  The hotel's credit card swipers weren't working.  I thought "eh - they'll get this stuff all under control by Sunday when we leave!"

We went to Pike Place market and wandered around there for a while.  I think the girls were just tired of being on vacation by then, because they really just wanted to do nothing.  S and I went for a walk by Lake Washington and then we went out for dinner.  

The next day we were headed home.  I was a bit anxious about getting there and trying to make sure we didn't get bumped from our flight.  Thousands of flights had been cancelled, so I was concerned.  We got to the airport 2.5 hours before our flight.  S and her friend went and got some lunch.  I had just wandered off to find something to eat and came across this GIANT line.  By the time I got to the end of it, I found out I needed to join it, because our flight got cancelled.  It was a nightmare.  I had the dogs to worry about (fortunately, my friend's daughter was watching them for the weekend, and was able to continue).  S was supposed to go to registration for school and get her senior pictures.  But we were stuck in Seattle.  I stood in the line (S came and kept me company while her friend watched the luggage) for 7 hours.  I called my sister, since she's had pretty much every travel experience, and she told me to get on the phone, and text line.  I talked to someone after 3 hours who said the best they could do was get us on a flight on Wednesday.  I figured I'd need to stay in line for hotel vouchers anyway, so I stood there for another 3 hours.  When I finally was able to talk to someone, she was super nice (considering the number of frantic people she had to deal with) and helpful.  I gave her a bunch of options to get us home sooner.  We ended up flying into Chicago the next morning.  She told us to make sure to get to the airport early - I was like...our flight is in 12 hours - we're not leaving!  We found some "loungers" to sort of sleep in.  We had one for each of us eventually, but S gave hers up to some dude who clearly had THE WORST sleep apnea.  He snore/choked himself awake approximately every 15 seconds.  It was insane.  I bought the girls dinner, snacks, and some blankets.  We got into Chicago around 1:30pm and my sister picked us up.  She dropped me off to get a rental car.  Then I went to her house to get the girls (and see her dogs 😁) and head for home.  I got about half way before I was falling asleep.  Fortunately, S's friend can sleep anywhere, so she was well-rested and she was able to drive the rest of the way home while I took a couple quick catnaps.  

We drove her home, and then had to go to the airport to drop off the car, and pick up ours.  Our luggage had been checked the day before, and I got a notification that it was at the airport, so we stopped to see if we could get it.  It wasn't actually there, and your daughter had a complete breakdown, because she needed her shampoo and conditioner, so she could shower and be ready for her ID picture for school the next day.  I wanted to kill her, dump her body, and go home and go to bed.  I was supposed to work the next day.  But the luggage was supposedly on the next flight, so if we just waited half an hour, we could get it!  Finally, I gave up on the idea of going to work, and we hung out at the airport waiting for luggage.  We finally got 2/3 of the bags and got home around 1 am.  The baggage guy was like "I've been up since 6."  Oh yeah, dude?  I've been up since 6 YESTERDAY.  The other bag finally showed up, and they couriered it over to us at 11:15 pm.  

On the plus side, Delta covered all our extra expenses within a week, and refunded our checked bag fees too.  So while it was a hassle, I was impressed with their response.  

All in all, aside from the return trip (again - those have been difficult), it was a fantastic vacation.  Now I'm going to have to wait until next year to plan anything else.  If I retire, it might be a solo trip.  S doesn't want to take any time off school, and she's going on her European senior trip in the summer.  Then she'll be off to college.  Lots of changes coming along.  

Well, this is long.  I have more to tell you, but I will wait for resolution on a couple issues first, I guess.  I miss you.

Love, 

A

DIY

Dear John,

I'm a little exhausted, because I accomplished a lot of projects yesterday.  I've been pretty lazy, but it was the last nice day where I would be able to have the windows open, so I had to paint the bathroom while I had the chance.

There was some kind of water issue, which I decided was due to caulking around the bottom of the tub in there.  I had to cut out some drywall, because it was soaked.  Drywall repair is not my specialty.  I also put a small patch on the wall where Eddie licked the paint off.  I was at Lowe's getting caulk, and found some paint that was on the clearance rack.  It looked like it was a nice light blue, but as usual, my paint vision is absolutely terrible.  Once it was on the walls...it's very bright.  I like bright colors, but it doesn't exactly match the aesthetic of our paint scheme.  Of course, the mainly beige and pale yellow walls are broken up by a red dining room and a coral basement bathroom, but this blue seems exceptionally bright.  I told S it looks like the Simpsons sky.

Of course, since I am the master of planning (🙄), I patched the drywall the night before I planned on painting.  Nevermind the part where I have to sand it smooth and maybe put on another coat and let it dry.  Sigh.  Then I decided I also needed to use the utility sink (spoiler: I just used the bathroom sink) to clean the brushes and stuff.  So I bought a new faucet, which I then had to install it.  Let me just say...the plumbers we used were FUCKING IDIOTS.  Not even counting the dishwasher leak they caused that ruined the floors, and the extra hole in the floor when they tried to install the bathtub the wrong way...the way they set up the water lines for the utility sink is absolutely ridiculous.  You can't move both shut-off valves properly because they're set right next to each other.  Turning one valve interferes with the other.  On top of that, the wall anchors had rusted out screws and made holes in the drywall.  But, I did it!  I figured out how to get the water lines disconnected, took the old faucet off, attached the new one, got rid of the old wall anchors, hooked the water back up, figured out new wall anchors and how to attach them, and got it installed.  I was lucky because I forgot to leave the sink unattached to the wall until I verified that there were no leaks (because I don't think it's coming off again), but it seems as though I managed to get everything water tight.  

Back to the painting, S didn't help much.  She was supposed to be working, but they closed the pool due to weather, so she was home most of the time.  She did a little rolling, but not much.  I did a decent job, but, of course, got some paint on the ceiling.  Oh well - it's fine.  S doesn't like it, but I told her that she only has to live with it for another year and a half.  Also, the gallon of paint was $15.

But the important part is that I got it all done.  I was supposed to tackle some landscaping work today, but...ugh.  No thanks.  I took a nap and grilled some chicken and chicken wings.  Now I'm watching some real estate show.  S went out to dinner with her boyfriend, but now we'll have some healthy food to eat during the week.  

S said that your sister that I don't speak to has moved back locally.  Not sure why but I also only care insofar as I used to run into her occasionally when she lived here before and I would like to avoid that.  I am good at avoiding people and at being rude to people I don't like, so it shouldn't be a problem.  

We're ready for our next vacation.  I'm going to drive up the coast from San Francisco to Seattle with S and her friend.  I have everything booked, I think.  I'm a little nervous about driving over mountains, but it will be fine.  Should be a good time.  I'll get to see 2 cousins, and a lot of beautiful scenery.  I hope I've left enough time for exploring along the way.  I assume two teens will want to take a few Instagram pictures and then move on.  I wish you were here to do the driving - you were always more confident, even if you had no idea where you were going.  I'll have to manage.  But it would be easier if you were here to do it for me.

Love,

A

April Updates

 Dear John,

I am watching a show where they speak to murderers, and I would really like you to be sitting here with me so we could be indignant and yell at the TV together.  The self-deception some people engage in is amazing.  (I am binge watching this show today.  3 of the 4 killers I've watched so far have come out of Missouri.)

Related, I was watching a show called Leavenworth, which is about a platoon leader named Lorance who ordered troops to fire on some Afghani men on a motorcycle.  Two of the three were killed.  His troops all appeared in the documentary to say that they thought it was absolutely unjustified.  The guy's whole demeanor screamed "They're all guilty of something."  They made a pretty weak case that he was used as an example to placate the Afghans, and he was eventually pardoned by Trump.  He also tried to introduce the fact that he is gay as an excuse for why they were railroading him.   But the troops were not convinced - they still hold that Lorance was an asshole looking to add some kills to his military record.  I completely believe them, but I'd be curious to hear what you would say about it.

Related, it seems as though I can now apply for your pension, and not see any reduction in my DIC.  After you died, they said I wasn't entitled to anything, but I think they changed the rules last year.  Anyway, after waiting 6 months for the National Archives to not send me the paperwork I needed, and people in basically the same office that I initially contacted to send it to me the same day I emailed the appropriate paperwork, I have applied for your pension.  We shall see how that goes.

Work has settled down.  I will spend the next 7 months settling all the details toward retirement, and I hope to retire at the end of the year.  I also requested to attend a conference in Reno.  I doubt I will get approved, but it's fun to consider!

S went to prom last night.  She spent hours picking her dress, picking her boyfriend's suit, making her own bouquet and boutonniere (see photo - she inspired her friends to do the same, but she ended up helping all of them make their bouquets), getting her hair and nails done.  She's a bit of a control freak.  When we were in Hawaii, she spent half an hour arguing with her boyfriend because he was getting mad at her for telling him what to do.  She seems to have had fun.  She was telling me all the gossip from the event.  That's always entertaining.  It seems your mom's neighbor's granddaughter got up to some shenanigans.  You would have enjoyed that story.  I sent a picture of S and her boyfriend in their finery to the group chat.  I am now officially offended on S's behalf that your mother completely ignores her.  Oh well - I think I will have a graduation party for S next year.  I'll invite your family, and that will probably be the end of our association.    Seems strange, but inevitable.

We had a great time at my sister's earlier this month.  We went for the total eclipse.  My bestie came down with her family.  I don't know how it was that I spent the last 7 years telling my sister that we (my friend, her family, me, S) would be coming to her house for the eclipse and she was STILL surprised when I told her that everyone was coming.  She doesn't really like to entertain, but she stepped up anyway.  I think she had a good time - it's hard not to around my friends.  They're so lively.  My oldest sister's husband came down too - we all had fun.  It wasn't much of a trigger for me - you didn't come to the last one either.  It would only have been a half hour drive, and you were too busy with your stock market nonsense.  Sigh.  The things you missed out on.

We have some sort of water issue in the bathroom.  I can't see a leak.  I think I will recaulk the tub and tile around there, caution S about being careful with her showers, and see what happens.  It's dripping in the basement, but seems intermittent.  I guess I can call a plumber, but I don't really want to.  We'll see what I can DIY.

I also went down to see your watch friend this weekend.  He helped me so much with your stuff, and had another watch show this year.  I told him I would come, and I wanted to stick to my word.  But it was prom night, and so I drove 4 hours round-trip and stayed for an hour.  During that time, he complained about statue removal, and his wife said some racist stuff.  So, while my pushback was mild, I feel as though any obligation I had is fulfilled and I need never speak to them again.  I don't have time for that nonsense.  Sigh - otherwise good people with extremely provincial experience and ensuing bigotry.  It makes me sad for them that they think that way.  Anyway, he made a wristwatch out of one of your Hamiltons.  It's really nice and he said he wouldn't ever sell it.  So, your watches live on.  I think I will go look at the ones I have left.

Anyway, that's all I have to complain about today.

Love,

A

First Quarter

 Dear John,

 2024 hasn't really started out well - it's not terrible, but it's not good either.  I'm hoping that all the misery gets itself out of the way by the end of the month.  2 years after you're gone seems like a good time for things to improve.  We're going to start a little early with a vacation on the anniversary of your death.  There will be an eclipse the week after we return, and we're going to my sister's for the totality.  Then my grievance goes to arbitration at work.  So, April better be the turning point of this year. 

Still missing you a lot.  I don't really know how people move on.  I guess they're more comfortable letting people into their lives, where I am somewhat more reserved.  I read a lot of Reddit, and there are all these people who get married again within a year or two of their spouse's death.  I can't even imagine dating.  I don't even really want to go out and make friends.  Half the time, I don't want to hang out with my current friends.  I'm a little motivated to travel, but I also feel like I could just stay at home all the time and not feel too terrible about it.  

I am sort of enjoying watching American Idol without you complaining about the judges' commentary.  So that's an improvement.   I miss you finding the people to follow and remembering what they sang.   I miss having you around to discuss shows and movies.  I miss having to feed you all the time.  I don't want to cook - S is never home, but when she is...there's nothing to eat because I can't be bothered to cook for myself.  

The lawn looks terrible.  The weather has been so weird since you've been gone.  I think we're pretty much in a drought.  I need a bunch of rain for the lawn to come back.  The house is still standing.  There have been a lot of weird noises lately - not sure what's going on, although half the time, it's either the giveaway pile falling over or the shower curtain rod falling off the wall.  Every time the temperature changes...but there's A LOT less mold than there was with the shower doors, so I guess I will tolerate the annoyance of hanging the damn thing up every couple months.  

I went to have lunch with you the other day.  I was going to use my Subway gift card and a coupon.  I bought some Doritos and a Baja Blast at Casey's, because I know how disapproving you were when I would do that.  When I got to Subway, their choices for sandwiches you could get with the coupon were nothing I wanted to eat.  So, I skipped the sandwich, and took my Doritos and a blanket and a book, and sat down to enjoy the nice weather.  It was almost 80 degrees.  But it was so windy...the wind took my bag of Doritos, spread them among the graves, and then I had to chase the bag all the way across the field.  I was not amused.  I hate running.  Perhaps the guys who were waiting for the funerals to be done got a laugh out of it.  I'm sure you did.  

I think I've seen some of the cardinals hanging around.  Not sure if they will nest outside the deck again.  The foxes are in the back of the subdivision so far.  I added a few rocks to the spite berm, as well as mulch and pine needles, so I hope they won't be able to tear things up this year.  I've heard coyotes howling.  Haven't seen deer in a while, or hawks.  But we have had a lot of starlings and crows.  

S has been talking to your youngest sister - well, texting.  I think she's going to go down to see her cousins on Friday.  That will be nice.  I sent your mom a Happy Birthday text, which she did not acknowledge.  Your oldest niece, who graduated from art school last summer, got a job.  She'll be moving back to Chicago - not sure if her dad will pay her rent again.  We'll see.  Her brother should graduate next year, I think.  Those are the only family updates I know.

Love,

A