Are You Kidding Me?

Free Advice Day

2012-01-17T22:05:00.006-06:00

Mel suggested that the best way to protest the SOPA/PIPA bills would be to show Congress what they might be missing if they passed those bills.

Here's my free advice, worth more than you're paying for it:

Bad things happen frequently on Thursdays. Prepare yourself.

When you say what you mean, in a clear and direct manner, you are less likely to make people angry.

When you agree to something to avoid confrontation, and then get other people to protest what you agreed to, you're going to get confrontation anyway. (Related: Don't promise something if you're not already planning it out in your head. Disappointment and unrealized expectations are the quickest route to anger.)

General contractors are generally untrustworthy.

Censorship is a bad idea. There are better ways to protect your original content.

But really...is there anything original anymore? Do you have the right to an idea that you essentially ripped right out of Shakespeare? Sorry, not advice...just a question.

Since all of that is more of an indication of my frame of mind, rather than advice, I will share the following. It's fantastic, and actual good, beneficial, useful information.

And finally, for your entertainment, some of the web's best protest content can be found here (Oops - just noticed there's a pregnancy reference in there. Fair warning.)

Oh, one more thing. If you're having trouble accessing Blogger blogs...try a different browser. Several sites won't respond in Internet Explorer - but they're fine in Google Chrome. Coincidence? I think not.

All right, enough of this depressing shit...

2012-01-11T20:37:00.006-06:00

Look at me! 3 posts in a month! Apparently, all I require for more posting is...oh, never mind.

For your viewing pleasure: the singed trees that my husband created with his unusual spring clean up methods

2/3 of a tree - it used to look like the ones on the left

I grew these two trees from little sticks

What? You don't see a second tree? Look by the blue bird.

Here's what's left

Trees are very resilient...

2012 is NOT starting off well...

2012-01-10T21:47:00.002-06:00

Maybe it can only improve from here. My FIL died last month. So far this month, my husband's grandmother (his father's mother) died, and yesterday, my aunt died. For all of them, I would considered it a blessing, but still...

I hope I've completed my death trifecta and we're done for the year (or longer!).

In other news, my husband has returned to work (out of state, of course) and I am quite displeased with his family.

I'm taking the week off of work. Maybe that will help.

Failed...

2012-01-04T20:29:00.002-06:00

Only one post last month...I guess I was lacking inspiration However, today, when following links from Stephanie, I came across the story of a staff Christmas party gone awry. This inspired me to recount some of my favorite fire stories. Sorry I can't illustrate them...

Once upon a time, I went to college in Colorado. A group of us loaded up into three cars one night to take a ride up into the mountains. We made it to the foothills, where we went off the road a bit and lit a fire. It was a beautiful night, we were having a great time drinking our 3.2 beer (it was legal for 18 year olds to drink 3.2 beer and wine coolers! So we did!) around the fire. After a while, we noticed some flashing lights coming up the mountain road. They kept getting closer, so, like any rational 18 year olds (HA!), we poured our beer on the fire and took off into the trees. We stayed out there for a period of time, until the firemen got on the loudspeaker and asked for the owners of the cars to please come up to the road. We determined that they were not going to leave, so we sheepishly made our way back up to the road. Since we were mostly a bunch of urban kids from the much more humid East and Midwest, we were idiots who knew nothing about fires and forest fires and dryness ratings. The firemen lectured us for about 20 minutes regarding fires and forest fires and dryness ratings and how would we like to pay the $5000 it cost for them to come up from the bottom of the mountain to deal with our idiocy? We would not like it. They ended up giving a $50 ticket to each of the cars, and we pooled our money to pay for it. All the people on my floor at school were big fans of the
Grateful Dead, but Fire on the Mountain has special meaning for a few of us...

Shortly thereafter, it was the fall break, where we got a 3 day weekend. That was as good an excuse as any for a road trip, so we decided to drive the 1000 miles from Denver to Chicago. My roommate, our next door neighbor, our RA, and I drove to my house and surprised my mother. It was a surprise all around because they hadn't told me that my father was in the hospital again. (He had heart disease and Rheumatoid Arthritis - he was in and out of the hospital quite a bit through my teenage years). Here's a tip - do not try to spare the feelings and worry of your out-of-state family member by not telling them about someone's illness. It will just make them angry. Anyway, while we were there, my RA took us to a Greek restaurant in Lincoln Park. Because my RA was Greek, she knew the owners, and we were therefore treated to some shots of flaming Ouzo. In case you're unfamiliar, Ouzo is a licorice-flavored, gut-burning liquor that produces a lovely blue flame when lit. The typical response to a shotglass of flaming Ouzo is to clink your glass, blow out your flame, and down that baby. Instead, the next door neighbor knocked her shotglass over and set the tablecloth on fire. It was a beautiful sight - pristine white tablecloth with perfect blue flames...

However, my favorite fire story was several years later. I think I was in my late 20s. My second oldest sister was home for Christmas, and we accompanied my mother to Christmas Eve Mass. The church had extra decorations in place and it was pretty full. As we sat there watching the people line up in the aisle to go up for Communion, my sister and I were doing our most dramatic renditions of the Christmas carols that were playing. Now, as it is, I'm not very well-behaved in church. It's probably pretty amusing to sit next to me, but you might not get a whole lot of spirituality. So, I do a lot of people watching in order to fuel my conversational topics. As I was watching the lines of people going up to communion, I noticed a woman in one of those parkas with the faux fur lined hood standing in front of us. She moved up a little and was standing next to a large candle. Since this was the first of the Christmas masses, the candle was much higher than the glass protector that would make it safer for the next several masses. They should have cut the candle, or burned it down a little, because as the woman moved back a little to let someone out of the pew, her faux fur lined hood went directly into the candle flame and lit up (like a Christmas tree - haha). Fortunately, there are many good and helpful people to be found in church, and the guy behind her started patting the flames out immediately. She hardly even knew what had happened.

Now I'm married to a part-time arsonist who likes to deal with yard waste by setting it afire. Last spring he had the brilliant idea (from his mom's crazy neighbor) to get rid of (i.e. cut back) the ornamental grasses by lighting them on fire. Unfortunately, he forgot that all of our ornamental grasses are quite closely placed near our pine trees. He got through a couple clumps of grass before he figured out that he needed to water down the trees before he lit anything on fire. So, one of our pine trees was scalded and seared along one side. The tree was probably 8 feet tall and beautiful - it was our nicest tree. Now, it's been cut down to about 4 feet and is totally bald on one side...but it perseveres.

Now, my toes are kind of cold, so I think I'll turn on the fireplace...

Awww! How sweet! AdSense thinks my blog is popular

2011-12-09T19:43:00.002-06:00

Mina suggested that I owe two posts, since I had nothing to say in November. AdSense thinks I'm popular. I don't know how these two things are related, but I'm sure they must be.

This is what happens when I have nothing to say - I ramble on about nothing. It's been an eventful week around here, but not a pleasant one. Fortunately, I had Mel's cricket to distract me for some time.

My husband's father passed away this week. He had cancer a few years ago, and it appeared that he had beaten it. Unfortunately, it came back. It must have come back in stealth mode, because the doctors did not detect it until it had spread everywhere. My father-in-law opted to forego treatment, and was able to fulfill his desire to die at home, surrounded by his family.

Now I just have to get through the wake and funeral without saying anything awkward. It's really hard to suppress my natural talent that way. If there's one thing at which I excel, it's saying awkward things, and I really let my light shine at wakes. Someone sew my mouth shut, please.

File Under: A Little Competition is a Good Thing?

2011-10-20T18:47:00.002-05:00

Overheard in my household today:

Scene: The bedroom, where my husband is preparing to shower by doing his pre-shower mini-exercise routine. My daughter is "exercising" too.

Daughter: Exercise is good for you, right, Daddy?

Husband: Yes it is!

Daughter: It helps you live a long time!

Husband: Yes!

Daughter: You and I are going to live a lot longer than Mommy, right, Daddy?

Husband: ...

(For the record, I get up a half hour earlier than necessary so I can work out before I go to work. My daughter is well aware of this.)

Now that some time has passed, I can calmly tell the saga of my computer. It's a long one.

2011-09-18T21:47:00.004-05:00

Last November, after complaining about the speed and heat levels coming from my old, reliable Acer notebook computer, my husband finally told me that I should go out and get a new laptop. I went to that store that uses a big old price tag for its logo, and looked at what was available. I had a price range and some features in mind. I had read the reviews on cnet. I picked a Toshiba Satellite with an i3 processor and 4 GB of RAM. The price was reasonable, and I was comfortable with my purchase.

The computer worked great for 3 months. Then, one day, the speakers started emitting a high-pitched whine. I tried the usual solutions - rebooting, turning the speakers off and on, removing all the power sources - and then I called* for service. The service guy had me reinstall Windows (which involved saving all my photos and music and such), which did not help. The next solution was to send the computer in for repair. It was at this point where I realized that I should have bought the extended warranty, because I could then have had a replacement computer immediately. Instead, I sent the computer in for repair.

During this time, my husband was deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our communication was mainly through email, with the occasional Skype chat. I needed a computer. I still had the Acer, which still works, but it was practically setting my lap on fire, and I had internet road rage from the slow responses.

After about three weeks, my computer came back...as did my husband. I turned the computer on, turned on the speakers, and the high-pitched whine was gone! Hurray! Unfortunately, it had been replaced with a low-pitched hiss that sounded every time I started a program or clicked on a link. Also, there were some other new issues that came along with the repair. So the computer ended up worse than when I sent it in. When my husband went back to work, the computer went back to Toshiba's repair center.

This time, the computer was in the repair center for less than one day, according to the delivery tracking on both ends. It was returned to me with no change. I called* the service line again. I explained the problem to the girl who finally answered, who then asked if I could hold for 5 minutes or less while she researched my case. My response was "Well, I've already been on hold for 45 minutes, so what's another 5?" I think she may have gotten the idea that I was a little upset.

Toshiba then asked me to return the computer for repair again - they don't give refunds, in case you were wondering. Having no choice, I sent the piece of junk back "to the engineers" at Tri-Star Computer for more repair. It arrived on May 27th. I think it was about June 3, when I received a notification that my computer was on its way back to me. I followed the tracking, and it should have arrived on the following Monday. When I checked on Tuesday, the shipping notification indicated that it had made it to my area, but was returned to sender. I was confused, but I let it go for a few days. On June 10, I called* the service center, where they told me that there had been a mixup and they had sent me the wrong computer and my computer was on its way back to them. They would ship it out ASAP.

On June 17, I called the repair center again. They gave me the same story. At this point, I was...irate. To put it mildly. Not only had Toshiba sold me a defective computer, the repair centers had not fixed it. And then they sent it off into oblivion - never to be seen again. I'm fairly glad that after the initial reinstallation of Windows, I really hadn't accessed any personal data on that computer. Someone could have had easy access to all of my banking and credit card and other personal information.

It was around this point that I decided to step up the complaint process. I did a little internet research and found the main Toshiba website, which had a feedback section. I described the situation in detail. Then next Wednesday, the top customer service representative in the US (allegedly) called* me to see how we could solve my problem. Apparently, appealing to Japan directly gets results. He offered me a credit to Toshiba Direct or a different computer with a slightly faster (i5) chip, but otherwise identical. I opted for the slightly faster replacement.

The computer came in a few days, but I couldn't get it. Fedex refused to deliver it when I was not at work. They wouldn't change the delivery address. They wouldn't let me pick it up that day, or the next, and if they failed to deliver 3 times, it would go back to the sender. Fortunately, I was able to pick it up on a Saturday morning. I finally got it home a few hours later, and when I turned it on, the screen was broken. No picture at all - just a bunch of lines.

I emailed the customer service guy, and asked for my money back again. No luck - I could get the credit or I could return the computer for repair. When I did a quick check of the website, it appeared that I could barely get an equivalent laptop for the price of the credit. I sent the replacement in for repair. I got it back again. It seemed fine...until I went to plug in my mouse.

I'm not a fan of the touch pad - that was the downside to the Acer. The touch pad was so oversensitive that it was basically unusable. Therefore, I use a mouse, unless it's totally inconvenient to do so. Anyway, I plugged in my mouse to the USB port, and it didn't work. I have just enough computer knowledge to be dangerous, so I knew I could delete the USB drives and then reinstall them. That did not help. I did a little research and found that if your USB ports don't work, and they don't work after reinstalling, you probably have a motherboard that's about to go bad.

At this point, I demanded my money back again. Toshiba refused. I thought about going back through Japan, but didn't have the energy to fight anymore. I took the credit they offered. I picked the new computer and ordered it. The sales associate said they would expedite the order, and I refused, since I was about to leave for vacation. She said the computer would then be shipped on the day we were scheduled to return from vacation. I said that was great. Of course, when checking my email on vacation, I found that the computer was shipped 5 days later. Then I found that the computer was delivered to my house and left on my porch - no signature required.

It's been 2 months since I got the new computer. The keyboard is less than reliable; if I'm leaving typos in your comment section, blame Toshiba. I'm stuck with this thing for several more years. But at some point, I will buy myself a Tablet PC which might make my computing life fun again.

*All calls were made with a Blackberry Curve on the Sprint network. The Sprint network, in conjunction with the Blackberry Curve, does not work at my house and averages one dropped call in every two calls I make. This is especially pleasant and useful when trying to make service calls or when you're in the queue to speak to an agent. It is also my only phone, since we do not have a landline. The Blackberry Curve is also slightly aerodynamic, and sails nicely across my front lawn. But that's a story for another day. Apparently, technology is not my friend. And you get what you pay for.

Added note: You can thank St. Elsewhere for this, as she suggested it was time for me to post something. ;)

Where I make you look at my vacation photos...now with more accurate text!

2011-08-14T16:43:00.008-05:00

(Wow. Two posts in two days. Probably won't have anything else to say for the rest of the year...)

For our first real vacation in 8 years (since our honeymoon), my husband and I decided to visit Santa Barbara, California. I thought he'd want to lounge on the beach and watch the days go by, but he made several suggestions on things to see. That fits in with my preference for vacations (seeing everything I can possibly pack in), and so I set to planning.

We arrived in Santa Barbara in the evening, and ate dinner on Stearn's Wharf.

During the day, Santa Barbara was beautiful...and wonderfully cool compared to the 90+ temperatures in the midwest.

We explored a bit, and ate at Joe's Cafe. Apparently, it's the oldest restaurant in Santa Barbara. We were only eating because we needed something to do before we could go to our first wine tasting. We visited Jaffur's. The wine was delicious, and they gave us some pointers for additional wineries to visit. So we made our way up to the Brander vineyard, through some beautiful countryside.

I was loving my smartphone - not only for its GPS capabilities, but because if I became a Facebook friend of Brander, they gave us a bonus tasting of a $50 bottle of Cabernet. That alllllmost enticed me to buy a $50 bottle of wine. My husband, however, varied from his usual preferences and bought a bottle of white wine.*

The next day, we drove up the coast to San Simeon. We took the most scenic route, so we could visit the wine ghetto in Lompoc. Several wineries have tasting rooms in the middle of an industrial area behind a Home Depot - thus, wine ghetto. We enjoyed some really good Mexican food and samples of wine. There, I learned how important it is to let wine breathe (very!) and my husband bought a bottle of red.* Then we continued up the coast and stopped at the beach at Morro Bay.

The next day, we visited the Heart Castle. It was a most amazing place. The tour guides were great, and the house and gardens were incredible. Of course, I felt compelled to read up on Hearst after visiting, and he was certainly an interesting character. I don't think I would have liked him very well, but I suppose he must have been charming in a way that can't be conveyed in a biography.

Before starting off on our next adventure, we took a short detour up the coast to check out the elephant seal rookery. There are two things to know about elephant seals, as far as I am concerned. They are very loud and they are very stinky. We didn't stay long.

We drove across California to Visalia, where we enjoyed the many points my husband's travels have earned him with a free hotel stay. Visalia is about 40 miles from the Sequoia National Forest, which is where we intended to visit. We passed the many orange and lemon groves, fields full of cherry trees and olive trees and strawberries...we wanted to stop and eat everything! Along the way to the National Forest, we passed Lake Kaweah.

We stopped in Three Rivers because they were advertising a Hot Dog Festival that would begin at 10:00. We got there around 9:50. Here in the midwest, when something begins at 10:00, that's when we expect the food to be ready. Apparently in Three Rivers, that's when they fire up the grill. Fortunately, they had a tiny museum with plenty of things from early settlers to inspect while we waited 30 minutes for a hot dog.

The National Forest was indescribable. Imposing mountains,

Beautiful rivers with rushing rapids

and waterfalls,

giant trees with fascinating history,

and incredible rock formations. This one was called Beetle Rock.

I don't have Photoshop on my home computer, so I can't show you good pictures of the cave we visited. I can tell you, though, that if the national park service tells you that it's a fairly strenuous hike, you should believe them. I can also tell you that ~~stalactites~~ stalagmites** (which apparently take hundreds of years to grow up) look very much like stone dildoes.

My husband was surprised to learn that he wanted to return for the second day. We saw a very small sample of the park, and if we didn't have so many more places to see on this earth, I'd go right back.

After that, we returned to Santa Barbara for one last night. We found a beautiful beach, and spent some time there.

And for those of you who remember what I was doing last summer, I saw this on State Street when we were out and about buying t-shirts. I don't know what it was, exactly, but I assume it's a drinking establishment. It was too early to tell...

It was a wonderful vacation. There were many things that struck me, though. First, gas prices in California were not as expensive as I expected them to be (at least around Santa Barbara). Second, vacations are very expensive. I had no idea. I'd better vacation more often so I can keep up with the prices! Next, I should probably retire and drink wine all the time. It seems to be my life's calling. Finally, I love avocados!

Next week, I'm off to Wyoming for a class. Expect more pictures of mountains.

*My husband bought the wine. I drank a good portion of the wine. Just so we're clear.

**Thanks to Valery for correcting me and giving me a way to remember the difference between stalactites and stalagmites. It was so obvious - tits hang down!

A Day in the Life...

2011-08-13T20:12:00.002-05:00

Here is a sampling of 24 hours of my life:

3:30 pm Doctor's office
Doctor: Hey! How are you! Great to see you! So, what's going on? Last time I saw you, you were talking about...

Me: Yeah. We did a round of IVF last November. It didn't work out, obviously.

Doctor: Oh, I'm so sorry...

6:30 pm My kitchen

Daughter: (*takes knife, slides it in*) Mommy, I thought you were going to grow me a baby in your belly.

Me: I tried, honey. It just didn't work out.

Daughter: (*gives knife experimental twist*) You were supposed to grow me 2 brothers and 3 sisters.

Me: I would have really liked to do so, but we don't always get what we want.

Daughter: (*fully rotates knife a few hundred times per second) But I'll be lonely when you die.

Me: Oh, no. By that time, you'll have a family of your own.

11:30 am My Office

Coworker/mother of my daughter's "boyfriend": I just got back from the doctor's and "boyfriend" is going to have a little brother or sister next spring!

Me: Congratulations! That's great!

Clearly the universe is having issues with me this week... Sigh. Hope that's over with.

If it bothers you that much..

2011-07-23T21:11:00.002-05:00

For me, the internet is a playground - a source of entertainment. I can connect with people who live far away. I can find amusing videos. I can read blogs. I can read the news. I can check the weather and find addresses and directions. You know that lost piece of information? The one about that one actor who was in the movie with the other guy? I can find that too. I have 4 email accounts. I have a Facebook account. I have a blog. I have Google Reader packed with stuff to read all day long. I love the internet and I don't know what I would do without it.

Lately, it seems that many people are finding the internet more of a burden than a pleasure. I've seen countless posts complaining about Facebook. I've seen lots of remarks about the pros and cons of Twitter. I've seen people agonizing over the "direction" of their blogs, and complaints about the "branding" that others are doing. And here's what it comes down to - people seem to have a certain level of expectations from the activities in which they participate on the internet. When those expectations are not met, they get upset about it.

Let's take email to start. In Jennifer's Head recently wrote Oh Compulsive Email Forwarder . I love her take on this. I have an email forwarder (or several) in my life. For me, it's a good way to know people are still alive. (I used to be a fairly prolific correspondent, but for every letter I sent out, I got zero in return.) I think forwarding jokes and warnings and such was a kind of rite of passage when you got an email account in years past. But there are those who find the forwarded joke a huge imposition. A friend of mine used to share her email account with her partner. Her partner (who is generally irritable anyway) blocked my email address because she felt I was forwarding too many jokes. Rather than requesting that I not forward things to her, she blocked communication between my friend and me. It's just email - the deletion of an email requires a click or two of the mouse. To get offended by it seems like an extreme reaction, which I don't really understand. In Jennifer's Head's post seems like my sort of reaction - a slightly sarcastic, mild rant laced with affection. Perfect.

And then there's Facebook. I love Facebook - it's a useless timewaster containing all sorts of entertainment in one place. I rarely update - most of the things you see on my wall are game results or requests. I post some pictures sometimes. I comment on others' posts all the time. I don't know much about the origins of Facebook (and I didn't see the movie). Based on my memory of the thought processes I had while in college, I doubt Facebook was meant to be taken as seriously as people take it today. I suspect it was supposed to be a way to find the parties on campus. It has morphed into a giant entity with so many facets...and for each facet I've found someone who finds it irritating. Post a status update complaining about anything? Someone will complain about it. Post a photo? You're either bragging or gloating or stupidly posting something inappropriate. Don't talk about your faith or lack thereof - it's offensive. Don't talk about your political preferences - it's offensive. Don't do anything that anyone else might disagree with - you'll be reviled. I'm not talking about STFU Parents or Failbook because those are snark, and snark is appreciated. But I can't think of a blog I've read that mentions Facebook that doesn't mention how the author hates it (OK, maybe one). I understand that it's venting, but I really haven't seen one person post about how they love facebook. I've never seen anyone post about how they love to play Farmville. I've never seen anyone post about how they like to see what people they don't see in person are doing. So here's me saying I love Bejewelled Blitz - especially when I can beat my sisters. I love arguing politics with the guy from high school who used to ride the same bus. I hate that one of my best childhood friends holds such wacky political beliefs but am thankful that I can watch her son grow up from afar. And for the rest of you...it's facebook. Please. Take it for what it's worth. Better yet, take it for what you pay for it. Whatever you do, don't take it so personally. And let me know if you play Gardens of Time - I need more neighbors. :)

Twitter is something that I really can't get into. It sounds attractive to a certain extent. It would be something to do with all the "Is it really necessary to block me in traffic EVERY morning, Mr. Plumber truck?" irritation I have. But all the angst over follower numbers, and the idea of sorting out hundreds of tweets a day, and the prevalence of marketing and spam all conspires to turn me off. I appreciate the quotes that I've read, but it seems like there is very little meat to Twitter. Or maybe there is very little wheat but bucketloads of chaff. And then I see that some people may not respond to comments, but do respond to tweets. That's when I think that Twitter is probably better than anything for establishing friendships, because it's much more like having a conversation. But in contrast, there's the opposite of relationship building, and so I stay away.

On to blogs. I'm not much of a blogger. I don't have that much to say, because I am unable to put my emotions on display. I would probably be better on Twitter, where my commentary would be limited. But for those days like today, when I want to go on and on, I love my blog. I love reading blogs. There's fascinating information, funny stories, giveaways, insights into other people and their lives - it's a gold mine...with veins of crap, sure, but there is so much good stuff out there. I feel honored that anyone reads anything I write, and my days would be completely boring if I didn't have so much stuff to read. (I suppose I could work harder, but what fun would that be?) Here's the thing about blogs, though - there seems to be a huge internal conflict among American bloggers. They want to be taken seriously. They want readership. They would really like to make some money from writing. But they don't want to be seen as commercial. I've seen articles from 3 Ways to Drive Blog Traffic From Major News Events (subject matter obvious) to Five Hundred and One (where the author is getting traffic but still feels unnoticed). I see laments about the sidetracking of blogging in favor of other social media. I think the thing that bothers me most, though, is what I perceive as jealousy of the bloggers who have "made it." I see people commenting about how those bloggers are all about their brand and promoting themselves. I'm sorry, but aside from a very few instances, every blog I've seen has been promoting the writer in some form. Fortunately, there are a few people out there, like this one and this one (had to link to that particular post because it's great), and even this one (her other blogs are not as selfless, thus the "even") who are trying to promote more than themselves. They try to promote community and education and connections between people. People like this show their support in tangible ways. So to the jealous ones, or the ones worried about their brand, I say take a look at what these people do. Brand is not as important as making your blog something admirable. Most of the people I read have that quality - I hope they can eventually take over the internet. And if they strike it rich in the meantime, more power to them.

To anyone who finds social media so oppressive, please be realistic in your expectations. You'll be much less irritated, and then maybe you can behold the internet in wide-eyed wonder again.

And if you'll excuse me, I have to go search for the best way to transfer 8mm film to video - eHow can tell me how, and eBay can probably provide me with discounted tools.

Come to think of it, there are no problems when Katy Perry's Extra-Terrestrial is on...

2011-06-18T22:01:00.004-05:00

You know how you have those little things that you should get fixed, but don't? Just something small and annoying, but you can deal with it, so you just let it slide? I have a couple things around the house like that, including the caulking around our sliding glass door that I think is letting ants in, and the weed whacker missing a bolt which makes it impossible for me to start. But the main thing that doesn't work right? My car radio.

More specifically, it's my husband's car radio. I drive the car most often, because it gets better gas mileage. However, it's his car and his radio. You see, I may have mentioned before that he is...frugal. So when he decided he was going to buy a car to replace the pickup truck that he sold, he put on his negotiating face and went to the dealership with the newspaper. There was a stripped down version of the car he wanted, for the cheapest price advertised, and that was what he wanted. The only problem? The car didn't come with a radio. So he harassed the salesman to put a radio in the car. Now, I didn't expect to get some sort of stellar sound system, but I didn't expect what I got.

At first, it was just the odd anomaly. Once in a while, the radio would turn itself up. Self-adjusting volume was...interesting. I usually have the volume between 5 and 7, and it would turn itself up to about 17 or 19. My daughter was not fond of this. The clock would lose a minute or two a week, making me cut it a little close on getting to work. But these were just intermittent annoyances.

Next, the display started acting up. It wasn't that some of the LEDs stopped working. It was like aliens were taking over the radio - strange symbols would appear and then the screen would go blank. I tried to take pictures of it, but a) it would mostly only happen when I was driving, and I'm not very steady at taking pictures while the car is moving, and b) if I could take a steady picture, the alien symbols would disappear when I pulled out the phone's camera.

The latest problem, which makes me think the aliens have actually taken control of the radio, is that the preset buttons rarely take the radio to the station I select. I leave for work between 6:15 and 6:20, and right around that time, every radio station in my area seems to go to commercial. So I try to find some music, and start hitting buttons. Preset 2 will give me preset 3. Preset 4 or 5 sometimes adjust the volume all the way down. Preset 5 will let me adjust the equalizer. Preset 6 will give me preset 6, but then all the other presets will only lead to preset 6. Apparently, the aliens really like pop music. But only the totally pop music station, because the crossover type pop station will almost never show up. And commercials. They like commercials too.

(We just took a trip to Chicago, and I got 5 days of the blessed relief of picking one station [93 - WXRT] and sticking with it. They play the best music, so there's no need to change the station)

As an added bonus, it plays CDs just fine when my husband drives, but every CD I've put in just generates an error message. Theoretically, you could hook up an MP3 player to it, but I am afraid of what would happen if I tried it.

I could have had this fixed or replaced, if I had followed up on it when it first started happening. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get that done. So now, we have a very strange radio. And since it mostly behaves when my husband drives, he thinks it's hilarious that the aliens only want to talk to me!

I should have bought a Power Ball ticket too...

2011-06-12T08:29:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty lucky lately. Well, in general, I feel like I'm pretty lucky - I have a wonderful husband (when he's not being annoying) and a delightful, hilarious daughter, in addition to a very entertaining extended family. But I've been the beneficiary of some extra luck lately.

Lori Lavender Luz was hosting a giveaway at her All Thumbs review page recently. I won a great set of glass storage containers, some recipe cards, and a flexible measuring cup. I would have taken a picture, but everything went immediately into the dishwasher (except the recipe cards, of course!) so I could use them right away!

My other big win is a trip. One day, at work, I received an email from one of the managers regarding a travel/training opportunity. The training and lodging is funded through a particular program, but if you were one of the first 100 to register, your travel expenses would also be paid. Since I work for state government, and since the state coffers are empty, training opportunities have been few and far between...unless I'd like to pay for them myself. I'd rather spend my travel money for leisure than work, so I haven't been able to go to any professional meetings in quite a few years. I was able to get my registration in, and now I get to spend a week in August in Jackson Hole, Wyoming! There are worse places to attend training, I think. I'm hoping I'll get a chance to snag a rental car and take a quick trip to Yellowstone National Park to see Old Faithful.

We've already had our first vacation this year - my daughter and I spent the weekend in Chicago attending my niece's graduation. I'm planning a couple more trips too. This should be the most exciting summer I've had in a long time!

Juno's Daughters - A Book Review

2011-05-30T15:58:00.003-05:00

Calliope asked for volunteers to review a work of fiction, and since I am always interested in reading new books, I signed up. For the last year or so, I've been reading light fiction, because it requires little thought. I'm generally an escapist reader. When I read the first chapter of Juno's Daughters online, I thought it would be a good read. I've been to Whidbey Island, so I have a bordering acquaintance with the area. I have a daughter. I like Shakespeare and Led Zepplin.

I received a (free*) copy of the book and began reading it right away. By about the third chapter, I suspected that I would not be able to identify with any of the characters. By the fourteenth chapter, I had decided that I didn't really like the book. But I had agreed to write a review of it, so some further reflection was required.

The story involves a single mother of two daughters who lives on San Juan Island. During the summer, the island puts on summer Shakespeare theater, importing actors from the mainland. Jenny, the mother, and her older daughter, Lilly develop an interest in the same actor. Meanwhile, Frankie, the younger daughter, is experiencing a series of desertions in her life.

Some of the main issues that bothered me were parenting decisions. Essentially, promiscuity and drug use were laughed off. This is where I had to ask myself if I were being a prude. I know I'm fairly repressed/prim/uptight regarding myself, but my best friend is a try-everything-once/let-it-all-hang-out/free-thinker. I swear like a sailor (sometimes), and I enjoy a rude joke and double entendre (with the proper audience). Jenny seems to shrug her shoulders at Lilly's sampling of all the teenage boys in the area and what seems to be a fairly chronic use of marijuana. That is not how I would react. And competing with my daughter for a man? That just seems icky. (And as a cynic, I suspect the man will almost always take the 18 year old over the 42 year old.)

*SPOILER ALERT*

But then there was a segment of the plot that involved a "naked rehearsal." Frankie, a thirteen year old girl, is expected by everyone on the island to participate in the naked rehearsal, where all of the actors are required to do their parts without clothing. The only one (aside from her mother's half-hearted "You don't have to do it if you don't want to") who seems to understand that it might be a bit much for a young girl (um, the ONLY young girl) to undress in the presence of a bunch of adults, including unfamiliar men, is a young, African-American, gay man.

Upon reflection, I think my main problem with the story is the incongruity. Frankie is supposed to have grown up on an isolated island, without TV. So the advanced sexualization of young girls would be muted there. And no one knows for sure what the "naked rehearsal" is until they participate, so it doesn't seem like the people on the island habitually wander around naked. It doesn't make much sense for a mother to make so little of this. Jenny, the mother, is a survivor of an abusive marriage. On the one hand, she is strong enough to determine the length and terms of her subsequent relationships with men on the island. On the other hand, she's completely passive when it comes to her daughters' behavior. She sees herself as a teenager in Lilly, but does nothing to try and advise Lilly on how to choose a direction in life...in fact, she actively resists any attempts to help Lilly become an independent adult. Jenny finds piles of love letters in Lilly's room, and rather than worrying about Lilly's emotional health, Jenny worries that no one will ever write her a love letter again. It just doesn't ring true, for me.

Finally, there were some plot devices that were vaguely annoying. The actors visiting the island were referred to by the names of the characters they were to play in The Tempest. That seems...demeaning. The homeless teenager scene in Seattle provides a stereotypical minor side villain. I don't know if it was plausible or not...I suspect a naive 13 year old would likely have met a more violent fate (however, this may be due to the fact that I work in the crime lab, and I expect people to be evil instead of merely mean). Also, the Led Zepplin reference? It was minor and seemed like an afterthought. The cover review proclaims it "part Led Zepplin anthem." I would disagree.

All in all, a mixed review - I didn't really like the book, but it did make me think about my values. It wasn't a good escape from everyday life, but it certainly provoked a reaction. Read it yourself. See what you think.

*Is that what I have to do for those FCC folks?

Patterns

2011-05-07T19:22:00.004-05:00

I'm a pattern person. I notice the repetition in things. That's probably why I am doing the job I do - because I can recognize patterns where most people will not. My life seems to go in patterns too - I note patterns in the types of evidence I receive. I note patterns in the things my daughter does. This week's pattern (which I hope does not continue) was randomly occurring discussions of miscarriage in the least expected places.

Today, for instance, we were having a garage sale, and trying to sell all the clothing my daughter has outgrown. Some women came up, and noted that all the clothes were girls' clothes. They said "all we have are boys." And as they walked away, one continued "that's probably why she lost her first one - it was probably a girl and girls are not allowed."

Yesterday, while at work, somehow the topic also came up. This one was a little more difficult for me. One coworker was discussing someone she knew who lost a baby at 14 weeks. The woman's mother told her to scoop the miscarried baby out of the toilet and take it in to the hospital. The woman could tell that her child was a boy. Another coworker was wondering why that would be necessary, so I told her that the doctors would be able to tell if the mother had an infection of some sort or if there were a chromosomal defect in the baby if they could test the "products of conception." The second coworker also said that she thought that miscarriages were just bleeding - she didn't realize that you'd be able to see the baby. So I told her that there used to be a display of the the gestational stages of a fetuses at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago (it was really an amazing exhibit, but a. lost on the kids on field trips and b. no longer displayed due to decomposition and, I think, social pressure), and that after maybe 6-7-8 weeks, there would be something big enough and developed enough to be recognizable as a baby. I didn't share my miscarriage experiences - or I would have burst into tears. The first coworker also brought up a former coworker who had an almost full term stillborn baby. It was kind of a rough half hour there. On our way out later, the first coworker apologized for bringing the subject up - she had forgotten about my miscarriage (um doubtful - she's kind of passive-aggressive that way). I said that I would prefer to have miscarriage discussed - it's far more common than people believe and it's better to talk about it so people who need it can find more support and understanding.

I'm hoping that's all the discussions of miscarriage I'll accidentally fall into for a while. I hope this is the end of this particular pattern.

The dollars and $ense of MY family’s creation

2011-04-26T21:28:00.001-05:00

So, I'm a little late to this party, but that's typical. This post, inspired by the blog hop at Write Mind, Open Heart, addresses the costs of building my family.

We are in the enviable position of having insurance coverage, having issues that could be discovered and addressed, and being extremely frugal. So, while we hate to spend any money on anything, the costs of building our family seemed very much worth it to us...until they didn't tell us anything or didn't work.

I don't have any idea of what our family building efforts cost, but most of it was testing and medication copays. Some of the testing was not covered by insurance, and it amounted to a few hundred dollars. All of the medication had copays, so I would estimate those costs at around $500. The unfortunate/fortunate thing was that all the testing I had to pay for revealed nothing. The testing covered by my insurance gave my full story...but that couldn't be taken for granted.

If my child were to ask me how much she cost, I'd tell her I didn't know...but whatever it was wouldn't match her value. No matter how many times a day her father threatens to sell her on eBay. And then I might tell her that I wish I'd been able to pay whatever emotional cost it took to provide her with a sibling. I do have a file of most of that information, but I've never actually reviewed all of the data.

In some ways, our finances did determine the extent of our family building efforts. Because we are older parents and savers, we had enough resources to say that our secondary infertility was something we could throw money at to see if we could solve it. We did not succeed, and while we could try again, the emotional cost far outweighs the monetary cost.

Going outside the country would not solve the problem that I'm old and my eggs are...past their sell-by date. Spending more money wouldn't help that either.

All in all, we have been extremely lucky to not have money be our main consideration in our family planning efforts. We were more focused on finding the problem and finding a solution.

Language differences

2011-04-20T21:40:00.001-05:00

I was reading some work-related articles the other day and came across one from This Is Hampshire.net

The story is interesting enough, but what really caught my eye was the phrase at the end:

"He denies rape, attempted buggery and aggravated burglary."

I'm still wondering what attempted buggery is...

Let's talk about happier things

2011-03-21T21:02:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, a project was begun. My husband decided he was fed up with the tile in our bathroom, and he started to change it. I'm pleased to say that last month, the project was finally completed!

(Pictures from the old bathroom, which can be seen by clicking the above link, are on a hard drive somewhere, and I'm too lazy to go find them. Please excuse the slantiness of the pictures - apparently I'm unbalanced.)

The main tile is a rose marble - I thought it would be overwhelmingly pink. But with some small slate tiles for contrast, cream colored travertine to soften some edges, bright white trim, and the silvery paint, I think it turned out really well. We had some long discussions about the shower door (my husband prefers translucent to transparent), but I think the clear glass showcases all his hard work. And the glass block both lights up the shower and adds interest to what was once a blank wall.

In other news, my luck turned around and I was very fortunate to receive on of Mel's Purim baskets!

Oh, the deliciousness contained in one Priority Mail box! Melissa said that everyone should have a weekend of gorging on sugar every once in a while. All I can say is I wish she lived next door, so I could invite myself over every day.

One of my internet timewasters is signing up for and taking various surveys. Survey organizations reward you in a variety of ways; magazines, movie rentals, cash, etc. Using some of my rewards, I was able to purchase Mel's book (Life from Scratch), the complete AbFab collection, and a variety of other things. But as I was the recipient of Mel's mishloach manot, I felt that it was incumbent upon me to pass it on. The remainder of my survey funds were donated to the Red Cross to support their efforts in Japan. The earthquake and tsunami and their aftermath were a stark reminder to me that any society is one natural disaster away from chaos. But, we are talking about happier things...

My daughter and I enjoyed some lovely spring weather this weekend. Multiple trips to the park and some shopping made us both happy. The warm weather will continue for a few more days. And, happily, as I am watching the news today, all of the crime is happening on the other side of the river (i.e. state line), so it won't be terribly busy at work!

And you thought you were having a bad week...(Updated)

2011-02-27T19:43:00.004-06:00

On Thursday, I got rear-ended on my way home from work. Spent Friday being irritated by the insurance company. If they don't straighten up and stop annoying me, they will be the subject of another post. I suspect my car may also be totalled. And I have whiplash, which is not healing like it did when I was 19.

On Saturday, my 3 month old computer broke. I have to send it in for repairs. This is going to be very annoying because I have to use my old computer for a couple weeks. My old computer gets hot when I use it and is really slow. I also get internet road rage.

On Tuesday, my husband goes back to work. In Iraq. And then possibly Afghanistan.

On the plus side, well, I can't think of a plus side right now. I was going to say things couldn't get much worse, but that's like inviting trouble.

Perhaps there will be sunshine and roses next week...

Anyone want to buy a 2005 Nissan Maxima in silver? Low miles! New paint! ETA: Now with hail damage! (I assume)

To top it all off, last night we had severe weather which ripped several shingles off of our roof. Not sure if the universe is targeting me or my insurance company...

It's been a while...

2011-02-01T21:24:00.002-06:00

I guess that means I have a very uneventful life...just the way I like it.

Some things I've noticed lately:

-Improved technology for weather prediction has turned meteorologists into fear-mongering drama queens. I was very entertained by the city's news conference today. The main message was "Huh. Isn't as bad as we thought it would be. But we'll stay on top of it anyway."

-Messing with your hormones has some longer term effects than I expected. Hurray to smaller pores and the temporary banishment of breakouts! Boo to f'ed up cycles.

-I am getting older and it's becoming apparent. I move slower. My reaction times are slower. I am becoming more likely to say f'ed up than fucked up. I don't retain information as well as I used to. We had training at work last week, and things that I know I would have absorbed readily 5 years ago, I'm having trouble remembering. I'm actually going to have to go back through my notes (at least I took some!) and organize the information for when I'll need it again.

-I've read some really entertaining books lately. First, Melissa Ford's Life from Scratch, then Carrie Vaughn's Discord's Apple, and finally, Ann Mah's Kitchen Chinese. I have not been in the mood for anything dark or heavy...and these suited my mood. And no one has given me anything to say that I liked them either.

Off to check on the state of the weather...I took a snow/ice day today, and I might take another one tomorrow...

Merry Christmas, sort of

2010-12-20T21:08:00.001-06:00

I'd say this sums things up pretty well for me...

(For Aunt Becky, who's trying to have a Merry Christmas)

So, that was...interesting

2010-12-12T22:15:00.003-06:00

I am not much for talking about important issues. I can discuss logistics, but if you hit a hot spot, I'm likely to break down in tears or start yelling. The more stress I have, the faster this happens. My poor husband knows this about me, and yet every time it happens, he seems surprised. He had the great misfortune to hit my trigger last Friday. Since I know he reads my blog, maybe I can address all the issues here.

(Yes, I know I'm trying to avoid speaking with him about the issue. It's what I do.)

We spent part of October, all of November, and enough of December engaged in our first IVF cycle. It started off easily enough - I don't have issues with birth control pills. Lupron gave me some headaches, but so did the caffeine withdrawl (and that was actually worse). Steroids made me hungry, but no more hungry than usual. Although, I did notice that the combination of the steroid and the 30 Day Shred gave me some unfortunate trapezius development. Follistim was fine - whatever. Menopur apparently gave me mental blocks because the first time I was supposed to take that, I completely forgot for over an hour and then followed up the rest of the week with more forgetfulness.

My first scan went OK. The second scan...the important one where they figure out how the stims are working?...that was disappointing. Based on my stellar ovaries being above average during my initial Day 3 inspection, my doctor decreased the Follistim a little bit. Clearly, he did not realize that I am contrary. So, on the day of the second scan, I had maybe 2 potential eggs. I was given the option to forge on or to quit and go again another time.

Given that I am unable to predict the future, and I never quite know where my husband will be (he travels for work), I decided that it was now or never. So, we maxed out the Follistim for the rest of the week. Enter cramps and bloating...but at least I was fairly certain that something was happening. The next scan indicated 4 or 5 eggs, so I was on for retrieval. If there hadn't been any improvement, I was planning on going all low-tech old school and converting to plain old sex for fertilization. (OK, well, we probably would have gone for very enjoyable and loving sex.)

Now, already, the schedule was off. Retrieval was supposed to be on Dec 3 or 4, so my husband was scheduled to return to work on Dec 5. Because of the lagging development, we got pushed back to the 5th. And so I was trying to figure out how I was going to get a ride to the doctor's office and home, drop my husband at the airport, get someone to watch my daughter, all without talking about this. Fortunately, my husband was able to get his flight rescheduled...but not before telling a couple of his family members. Sigh.

December 5 was probably a lovely day - I don't really know, as I have no memory between 9 am and 2 pm. I got a nice nap in, though. I had no idea how many (if any) eggs were retrieved. Monday, I finally got the call. They had retrieved 9 eggs. Go ovaries! 7 were mature. Hurray! 1 fertilized. Um, excuse me? How did that happen? We never have a problem with fertilization? Everything after that causes problems. WTF? Either those were some seriously crappy eggs, or the embryologist was not very good at picking the good sperm. Who knows? But at least we had one! One is all it takes! Riiiight.

Wednesday was the Day 3 report. The embryo was a bit behind, but it could catch up. It was a grade 3, 4 cell embryo. At this point, I knew where things were headed, but I tried to maintain some hope. However, I was fairly certain that we had a Zombryo. A zombryo is, of course, an embryo that is neither alive nor dead but spends its time eating away at your brain. (Thanks, May, for the proper terminology - I'm not sure if that's the correct definition, but I think it should be.) So, on Friday, at the day 5 report, there was no change. And on Saturday, the last possible day that they would consider housing these poor little 4 cells (how much room do they occupy anyway? Surely you could just let them sit and see what happens, couldn't you?), there was still no change. So, that was that.

Last spring, after my last chemical pregnancy (see? Fertilized! WTF?), I had determined that I was done. We had a garage sale and sold many of my daughter's clothes. We sold lots of the equipment. Game over. And then, my daughter said, "Can I get a baby with the garage sale money?" And I said "Sure. I'm sure we could buy you a baby doll." And she said, "No, a REAL baby." And I told my husband this story, which tugged at his heart. So he and I decided to throw some money at the problem. I have insurance coverage, so the cost breakdown was not bad:

Anesthesia (should be reimbursed): $580
Sperm Analysis (might be reimbursed): $150
Drugs: ~$400
Copays: $80
Speeding ticket (because I was paying no attention to how fast I was going since my mind was occupied with the state of the zombryo): $120

(I'm fairly certain that last part was the universe giving me a giant "Fuck You.")

The less tangible costs - additional crankiness (and let me tell you, my normal irritability is hard to top!), overcoming the fear of giving myself the PIO shot (especially since a. no one told me how to do it - thanks Stirrup Queens sidebar and YouTube! and b. I already suspected it would not be necessary), and that rash that sprung up when I stopped taking the steroid. I think I'm allergic to subcutaneous injections. (This has been a problem in the past. What? You're not completely familiar with my archives? Refresher: Last time, it took about 6 weeks for the rash to form and it was only at my heparin injection sites. So I switched to Lovenox, and the rash continued. This time I went with the upper thighs instead of the stomach, on the theory that the skin might be less sensitive. Nope. Plus, pants are more irritating than shirts, in case you ever needed to know that.)

So here we are at the end of the line again...or maybe not. Maybe we'll skip the big production and go low-tech old school next month, since my husband will be home. Maybe we'll do another cycle in April, when he might be home again. I don't know where I'm going from here, because I'm conflicted. On one hand, when I talk to God, I feel like He is denying my requests for another child. But on the other hand, there was the dream...

Around the time when my husband and I were getting married, I had a dream - a brief flash of me in my sunny yellow kitchen, with my infant in his high chair and my daughter was helping me feed him. My husband breezed through and all was right with the world. It felt like that was what I was supposed to have. Now, my kitchen is definitely not yellow, and it definitely was not my actual husband in the dream (wrong hair and clothing). Yet, I still hold on to the idea that there should be one more of us in our family.

I'm not completely ready to give up, but I don't want to put my life on hold any more. Oh well, rock and hard place - I'm very familiar with your landscape. Eventually, I will wear a comfortable niche in both of you.

Tagged

2010-11-20T21:23:00.002-06:00

Yoyo Mama from Mama Said Knock You Out tagged me to answer the following interview questions. Sure, I'll play.

1.If you were gifted $5,000 tax-free and you had to spend it (not save it), what would you spend it on?

A space/time transporter, so I could instantaneously go on vacation anywhere in the universe and not spend 2 days travelling. And my husband would go with me without complaining.

2.How many times have you moved in your lifetime?

I've only moved 6 times...which is about 2 times more than I would like to have moved. I hate moving.

3.Have you ever been so angry, you hit someone or at least felt like hitting someone (or something)?

Today? No. This month? Probably. This year? Several times. This decade? Too many times to count.

4.What’s your favorite article of clothing or pair of shoes and why?

I don't wear it because I wore it out, but I have my dad's old black cashmere coat. I stole it when I was in high school (I stole a lot of my dad's clothes then), and I have intentions of someday remaking it into a suit. But first, I must learn how to sew.

5.Are you hanging lights this holiday and if so, when is the turn-on and turn-off dates?

I will be putting up the Christmas tree and maybe Frosty the Snowman will go outside, but the dates depend on when my husband drags the tree up from the basement and gets Frosty down off the shelf. No sooner than after Thanksgiving, though, and not much later than January 6 (Epiphany).

If you're reading this, and need a post idea...you are now tagged! Use the above questions, along with this one.

What was been the best part of the last decade for you?

A Stalker Story

2010-11-08T20:17:00.003-06:00

Elizabeth from Flourish in Progress recently inquired about my blog domain name/email address. As I told her, the short version is that the string of letters and numbers is a former license plate number. Here's the long version.

Once upon a time, I was a foolish 22 year old. My father had recently died. My boyfriend of a year or so broke up with me because I was unwilling to support his lazy ass while he played dilettante, and he had found someone who would. I had just started my first professional job. Life, to put it mildly, was in a bit of upheaval. One day, I went out to meet my friend at a bar. While I was there, my car died. One of the guys helped me get it started so I could go on to the next bar. At the next bar, I met up with a guy I knew from college - he was with 2 friends. We all hung out for a while, and when I was leaving, I asked if someone could come out and help me if my car wouldn't start. One of the friends...lets call him The Idiot (although the title is really more appropriate for me)...came out to help. He asked me out, and I agreed to go. (Later, I would find out that the other friend and The Idiot were debating over which one was going to ask me out. This is a very unusual situation, as when I was 22, I was generally overlooked by anyone in the bar who was not over 40 and a raging alcoholic. I have a very forbidding air about me.)

So, I went out with The Idiot. Thus began an 8 year saga... The Idiot was a nice enough guy, except for the fact that he would basically be considered a loser. He was a spendthrift. He was directionless. He was generally unemployed and perpetually in college. He drank a lot. But, he "loved" me, and was nice to my niece and nephews as they came along. My mom hated him, but he was very helpful to her, so she eventually got used to him. I knew we had no future, and I told him, but he never believed me. I also knew, though, that since he didn't believe me, I was going to have a hard time getting rid of him, which is why it dragged on for so long.

Eventually, I turned 30. I was re-evaluating my life, and knew that I couldn't continue with him any longer, but I couldn't figure out a good way to make it end without restraining orders. We "took a break" to think about things. And then we went to a baseball game with a large group of friends, some of whom had recently gotten engaged. This made The Idiot start asking me when we were going to get married, and I told him that we weren't. That I was done with the relationship. He wanted to remain friends, so I said that I didn't think that would work. But I didn't want trouble, so I would talk to him when he called. I agreed to go see a movie with him.

Meanwhile, since I had broken up with him, I took up with someone else. My future husband and I started dating casually (well, for him, anyway. I'm more the monogamous sort). We would email each other back and forth most evenings, even though we shared an office at work.

One day, I got an angry visit from The Idiot. He claimed that someone had forwarded him one of the emails between Future Husband and myself, in which the movie appointment was discussed. I was less than enthusiastic about it and The Idiot used that email to get angry. He came over, pushed me, threatened to smash up my car with a crow bar, and generally made an ass of himself. It was at that point that I was smart enough to get my house keys back, at least.

The following Monday, when I went to work, I asked Future Husband if he knew anything about the email - he didn't. So I started digging. I found that little setting that lets you forward email to another account. The Idiot was monitoring my email. And therefore, I had to change all of my email addresses and passwords. I changed my phone number. The Idiot called and threatened Future Husband on his voice mail at work. He called my mom. He called my sister. He called my friends. He called my supervisor (with whom we had socialized in the past) and asked him to talk to me. Eventually, since I work for a police agency, the phone threat to Future Husband ensured a little discussion between agents and The Idiot. We managed to come to an end without restraining orders...at least at that point.

Things had pretty much settled down, except for one thing. I was foolish enough (and hadn't watched enough Judge Judy at that point in my life) to cosign on a car for The Idiot. Actually, I cosigned on one car, which he had had repossessed and later redeemed. Then I was stupid enough to finance another car with him as the cosignor, because he couldn't get financing as the primary on the loan. And then, I started getting parking ticket notifications in the mail. That was annoying, but fine. Then I found out that his insurance had been dropped. So, I repossessed the car myself. This led to more home visits from him (although he couldn't get in), more threats, and finally the restraining order.

Once that was filed, and The Idiot figured out that I was quite serious about cutting all ties, he managed to restrain himself. However, he sent a message on Classmates.com. He tried to friend me on F*c*bo**k. He forced me to end a friendship with the guy from college, by pumping him for information. He continued to call my friends to ask them about me. While he is a mild stalker, he is still a stalker.

So there it is - how I got my email address. In the need for an immediate and anonymous email address, I used something that I already knew but that no one else would ever associate with me. I was an early victim of cyberstalking. It's also one of the many reasons why I stay very anonymous on the internet.

Complete

2010-10-18T22:13:00.003-05:00

5 months later, I finally did it. It was long, it was painful, but now it's over. I have finally finished that fucking book. (Ulysses - James Joyce) Now, I just have to get some Cliff Notes to figure out what it was that I read.

I do know this much: My Irish Grandfather's first name was Charles, but he chose to go by Parnell. Based on what Joyce wrote, that was a bad idea, as Parnell was...not nice.

Also, Joyce did not have a high opinion of women. And judging by the last 48 pages, he was also not a fan of punctuation.

Fortunately, I received a palate cleanser from Jason Mulgrew via a contest on Aunt Becky's site of wonder. I won a copy of Everything is Wrong with Me (to which I would have linked but the site was overloaded or otherwise not working properly). As I was laughing out loud before the end of the first chapter, I think this is just the thing to bring me out of the Joyce fog. Thanks again, Jason and Aunt Becky!

And TwangyPearl the Elastic Girl, who is at Art (Boot) Camp in Florida, I hope you're either finished or still plugging away at Ulysses. If you gave up long ago, don't tell me, as I will be forced to send the alligators after you!

Inverse (or is it converse?)

2010-09-25T16:25:00.004-05:00

Following up on irritations, for a breath of fresh air, some things that make me happy:

* The obvious: My husband and daughter, chocolate, friends, family

* British Television: I wish we still had satellite TV so I could watch BBC America again. Instead, I must make do with PBS. On Thursday nights, the programming involves series from the UK. My favorite is New Tricks, which is the only police show that I watch. If you haven't seen it, you should. OK, I probably like it because one of the guys reminds me of my dad, but it is quite hilarious at times. Currently, they're airing Doc Martin - also very entertaining. It's about a former surgeon who has PTSD and can't stand the sight of blood, thus retiring to Cornwall (? I think) to be a local doctor. He's got no social skills and is highly irritable. I'm also a fan of Inspector Lewis (oh look! another cop show! Guess I only like British cop shows).

* Cool fall weather: When it gets chilly at night, but stays warm during the days, I love it. I can wear flip flops and cardigans (but generally not together). I can wear clothes from all seasons. I wish the days weren't getting shorter, but it's one of those side effects you can't escape.

* Cardigans and flip flops (see above)

* Sour cream, which I am only thinking of because we are out and have been for 2 weeks. This interrupts my consumption of baked potatoes, quesadillas, and tacos. Guess who's going to the grocery store tomorrow?

* Our landscaping: It attracts copious amounts of butterflies and colorful birds. Did you know that hummingbirds are not very bright? Twice, they've flown into our garage and have gotten stuck...as in they cannot figure out how to get out of the garage. They fly up to the ceiling and crash against it for half an hour or more. The first one finally was able to find his way out when I closed the garage door a bit - he could fly over the door, but there was a space to get outside. The second one...well, he did something - I'm not sure what - and knocked himself silly. He was laying on the floor of the garage. My husband was trying to roll him into a dustpan to pick him up and put him someplace safe. Did you know hummingbirds make noise? I didn't until my husband tried to roll him into the dustpan. If you've ever heard a hawk's cry - it's just like that, only tiny. Very strange. Anyway, the hummingbird was placed into the tomato planter to recover and within about 5 minutes had taken off again.

* And finally, the sponsor of this post - one thing that always makes me happy whether I participate or not: Nap time!

What are you finding pleasant today?

Irritations

2010-09-21T21:45:00.002-05:00

* Why do online retailers make me fill out all of my information before giving me a total price? Don't they know that shopping involves inspecting the merchandise, checking the price, and then deciding if I want to purchase? Shopping does not involve giving out my personal information. If I can't easily find the price without filling out some annoying form, I am unlikely to purchase anything.

* Who would have thought that fantasy overpowers practicality in a crime lab? My job today has involved trying to steer people away from what ifs and towards what is. It's incredibly frustrating - the what ifs create work that can be completely unnecessary.

* Why is my internet service going in and out on a clear, calm night? There's no rain in the area, no wind, no lightning...and yet my internet has been intermittent all evening. I would call and complain but the cable company insists on making me travel through menu after menu to prove that I'm not the problem. I know the internet is down. I know it's not my wireless router. I know it's not my computer or my modem. There is no signal. Also, I can't call them because my phone does not work inside my house, which leads me to...

* Why doesn't my phone work inside my house? My last phone worked. There are towers close by. For that matter, the phone doesn't work in my neighborhood. I'm between 2 major highways and 2 major state routes in a suburban area. I should have an excellent signal. And the phone company says "We don't guarantee that phones will work inside buildings," and "Your house must just be too well-built." I suspect that Crack.berries are just not very good at the phone portion of their operational abilities.

* Why do I watch the news? Finding out that there is a stand-off involving local police, state police, and the FBI in the town where my workplace is located does not bode well for tomorrow. All I want to know is...will it be hot or will it be raining? On the plus side, the news announced that the above mentioned work fantasy may disappear by tomorrow. That's good news for a change.

All these irritants must mean that I'm overtired and it's bed time...or maybe I'm just in training to be crotchety old person. If it's the latter, I am going to be a champ!

What's irritating you lately?

Talking about death

2010-09-13T14:57:00.002-05:00

My in-laws' dog died. She was 12 or 13 and went into a fairly rapid decline, and then she was gone. She was a fixture in their house, and my daughter was quite fond of her - even if the feelings were not exactly returned.

Nineteen years ago this month, my dad died after a long, painful illness (Rhuematoid Arthritis) which led to complication after complication.

My daughter is almost 4, which means that a) she notices things like missing dogs, b) she's busy exploring family relationships, and c) she spends her days with many little boys who like to play superhero and kill bad guys. With this combination, I find myself having to deal with questions about death. A lot.

I'm fairly comfortable discussing death - it's the natural order of things - but my husband is not. He tends to change the subject, and was prepared to ignore the death of his parents' dog. His parents had the same intent. But, my daughter asked me where the dog was, and I answered. I told her that the dog got old, got sick, and died, and she wasn't around any more. She was asking questions (why did she get old, why did she get sick, etc.) that were making everyone else uncomfortable, and I finally mumbled something about going to play in heaven, and that was the end of the conversation.

Our vacation this year was a trip to see my family. We had a great time - we went to the pool, to the beach, to the farm...all the things I did when I was a kid. But this led to an exploration of my family, who my daughter doesn't see as often as she sees her father's family. We had a long discussion of why my daddy was dead...which I'm not sure she quite understood. But, it was about the same story as the dog. He got old, he got sick, and then he died.

My girl is not at all traumatized by death. She has asked several times why my daddy is dead. She asks why the dog is dead. She hasn't quite connected that death with the "killing" that she's doing when she's pretending to be a superhero. It will become clear to her eventually, I suppose.

Meanwhile, she also discovered the teddy bear that I've had since I was born. She is a huge lover of stuffed animals, so she desperately covets that bear. I told her she could have it when I was dead. She likes to ask me from time to time - "I can have that bear when you're dead?" It freaks my husband out a little.

Any Excuse for Cake!

2010-08-06T21:13:00.003-05:00

Mel at Stirrup Queens is a dynamo, who is the center of the online ALI community. Without her facilitation, we'd all be fumbling around looking for others like us. Her organizational skills and ability to connect us to each other make the internet a far more friendly place.

I love the Friday Round-up - it gives me a chance to read a variety of posts that I may not necessarily find on my own. Thanks, Mel, for being a hyper-organized speed reader with a very warm heart and a gift for summarizing emotional posts!

Here are the cupcakes my daughter picked out. I ate most of them.

Happy 300/200! Keep 'em coming!

Reading challenge

2010-07-14T20:52:00.002-05:00

TwangyPearl inspired (challenged? suckered?) me to start reading Ulysses by James Joyce. So far, I've had the book for 9 weeks...oops - make that 10. There was that one week that the book was overdue before I remembered to renew it at the library. I'm approximately halfway through. There are some pretty hilarious things in this book, but it's hard work to read it. Generally, I can read 4-7 books in three weeks. 10 weeks means that normally, I would have given up by now, but I'm determined to finish it.

Coincidentally, today I got an email from Border's Books notifying me that there was an eReader that I could download for my phone. In the email, the magic words "many free books" caught my eye. So, of course I downloaded the eReader. Due to the renewal situation vs my increasingly leaky memory, the first thing I searched for was Ulysses. And, Lo and Behold! It was a free book! Hurray!

Unfortunately, there is apparently no way to search through the book. You have to scroll through page by page. So I got a little refresher on the first half of the book as I scrolled through to the correct place. From this, I arrived at two conclusions...well, let's make that three.

1. It would probably have been useful to have read the Odyssey before reading Ulysses. What I remember from Edith Hamilton's Mythology from 25 years ago is close to nothing.

2. Ulysses might be more enjoyable and engaging as a book on tape. Some of the names and descriptions just beg to be read aloud. Also, a differentiation between the characters who are speaking would frequently be helpful.

3. Joyce was clearly drinking while he wrote this. You could probably pick out the progression of his days from each segment. There is a definite pattern: Clear story with gorgeous descriptions and random characters (sober), followed by main characters performing something vaguely plot-like (couple of drinks), followed by side characters gathering to drink (a little tipsy), followed by mild political rant (a decent buzz), followed by long list of nonsensical names or random words (full-on inebriation). Then there's hangover day where main characters again do something vaguely plot-like, and then either they cycle repeats or the chapter ends.

So, thanks, there, Twangy. Even as I struggle to read this book, I am amused not only by the book itself but also by the style, and even by my lack of knowledge (because I am totally getting the online Cliffs Notes when I finally finish, so I can figure out what the hell I read). I think an international pseudo book club is an excellent idea!

What kind of message are they sending my child?

2010-07-12T13:17:00.002-05:00

We spend a lot of time watching the Disney channel around our house. (I know - I'm supposed to limit my child's TV intake to 20 minutes every 2 years, blah, blah, blah. Totally beside the point here) I know the entire morning line-up (or I did, until they changed it last week). I even change to that channel at work so I can catch Shaun the Sheep before I have to start working. Today, during the 700th rerun of a particular Mickey Mouse episode, I can no longer hold it in. I think some of the messages that they send are dead wrong.

In this particular episode, Pluto is competing in some dog championship event against Butch the Bulldog. Everything is fine until the final event, which is a swimming competition. Pluto paddles across the pool, but just before he gets to the finish line, he notices that Butch is flailing in the water. So, Pluto goes back to save him. Mickey and friends throw a life preserver to Butch, and Pluto pushes him to the finish line. Butch, therefore, crosses the finish line first and wins the doggie games. But, since Butch is such a good sport, he splits his star with Pluto and they both win.

I don't know why I find this episode so disturbing. I guess it's because I have an over-developed sense of fair, and I don't think it's fair to Pluto. Butch should not be given a win when he didn't do the required work to get to the finish line. I guess they're playing on the Cars theme (where Lightning McQueen gives up the Piston Cup to help The King cross the finish line), but they missed it in this case. It's great that Pluto helped Butch - excellent message...help your friends when they need it, regardless of the cost to yourself. But to let Butch win the swimming competition because he crossed the finish line first? Ridiculous. Also, for Butch to share his star? Half-assed at best. A good sport will give up his star when he knows that someone else did the real work. My perfect ending, I guess, would be Pluto winning the whole thing and then sharing his prize with Butch. That would show good sportsmanship.

I also don't understand why Special Agent Oso, Mr. Lopart from Handy Manny, and all of the Imagination Movers have to be so completely clueless all the time. I guess it's for comedic effect, but I think you can be funny and intelligent at the same time. I guess it's also to try and convey the sense of wonder that we hope our kids experience while learning new things, but again, I think this could be done a different way.

I just wish PBS would put on the pre-schooler programming during our TV watching time. Instead, they play the things I'd like my daughter to watch during lunchtime and nap time.

Homes

2010-06-11T20:11:00.003-05:00

Eden posted about the meaningful homes in her life and asked others to do the same.

I have only lived in 7 places in my 41 years. My parents moved into our house a couple months before I was born and I lived there (more or less) until I was 27. It was a lovely house with plenty(ish) of room for 6 people, although not by today's standards. I shared a room with one of my sisters. That didn't work out too well. But we survived. Here's a screen capture from Go.ogle earth of our 1 1/2 story convertible, which has been squashed flat (click to enlarge) by Go.ogle. What's missing is the beautiful maple tree that used to be in front of the house. I don't know why people cut down trees. Also, there were many trees in the back yard, which now appears to have been paved over in favor of a pool We were multi-taskers...we had a pool AND trees.

Next, I went to college, where I lived in the dorms for 2 years. No pictures, because everything has changed there. But, Denver was beautiful, and the mountains were breathtaking.

I returned from Denver to finish college at home, and then I got a job, and then I got another job. This job required me to move to The Middle Of Nowhere for training. Here's another screen capture

I had the end apartment, circled in red. These apartments, last remodeled sometime in the 1970s, had carpeted kitchens, electric heat and appliances, and loud neighbors. Two of my neighbors were coworkers, and they were kind enough to rename all the rest of the neighbors for us. Next to me was Journey neighbor, who was a college student that liked to play Journey loud enough for everyone to hear. Next to her was one of my coworkers. Next to my coworker were the domestic violence neighbors. I'm sure you can guess why they earned that name. Across the way, I had the TV people - all the young reporters who worked at the local TV stations crowded into a 2 bedroom apartment. For some reason, the next apartment was always vacant. Next was my other coworker's place. Finally, there was ADHD kid, who lived with his mother and 2 sisters. He was known for trying to feel up the coworker that lived next door to him, and for letting my dog off her leash. We were not fond of that kid.

After my training adventure was complete, I moved back home. I wanted to buy a place next. After about 6 months of looking, I found a lovely condo/loft in an old factory. It came with garage parking, and a separate bedroom, with loads of brick walls (my unit had the distinction of being the smallest in the building and the old boiler room). It was 10 minutes from work, even in traffic (which is a miracle in Chicago!). It was a short bus ride downtown. It had a beautiful roof deck, and if you looked between the high rises, you could see the fireworks over the lake. I loved it there. But then, I met my husband, and he wanted to return to his hometown. So we moved. Here's another screen capture of my building:

My husband and I bought a beautiful house in his hometown. I loved that house, even though the back yard sloped down to a sinkhole. It had 4 bedrooms, including a beautiful master suite. The kitchen was fantastic. It was close to everything. But, my husband likes to wander, and the housing market was hitting its top, so we moved on.

Our next place was only temporary - a place to stay while my husband built our house. It was close to work, close to shopping, but on a quiet street. Since we were only staying a few months (it ended up being 9!), I got a Post Office Box for our mail. That was the address I furnished to our workplace. At the time, I had a supervisor who was...well, a bit of an asshole. No, that's not really fair to assholes...he's a complete donkey dick (as my husband likes to call him). He hates me; I hate him. Coincidentally, he lives 2 blocks west of our transient row house (lots of turnover in these apartments, so I call it Transient Row). One Sunday morning, as I was walking over to the local school to run on their track, he and his family pulled out of their subdivision in his pickup truck. He saw me walking down the street. Coincidentally, on Monday, he started asking for my husband and my physical address. He claimed that it was required, that a PO Box was inadequate. We asked him to show us the directive where this was written. Next he sent off a big email saying that he needed to know our address because what if we had a gas leak and no one could reach us? And what if there was a state emergency and someone needed to come to our house? We replied that, Thank you very much, but we don't have gas service, we're all electric, and if there were an emergency, the Feds would be coming for my husband and would have first priority over the state (since he's in the Army). We won that battle.

Finally, we moved to our current house. My husband was the general contractor and frequent laborer. He put in hardwood floors and did all the landscaping. He finished the basement, and helped put on the roof. Now, he's working on the bathroom...

This photo doesn't show much of our house, but you do get a nice view of the garage and the snow from 2007-2008. We've been here for 5 years now, and I'm not sure how much longer we'll be staying. I love this house because we built it and because it's the first house my daughter lived in. But I'm sure we'll be able to create great memories wherever we go.

It's Spring...time for home improvement projects!

2010-05-08T15:39:00.004-05:00

My husband has been doing some major home improvement projects lately. First, he tiled the mud/laundry room. Then he did all the spring clean-up in the yard - creating a new flower bed in the back, trimming the bushes and trees, adding dirt and mulch, etc.

His next project is to redo the master bathroom with marble tile. He'll be starting with the area around the bathtub. Here are some before pictures (well, after deconstruction, before refinishing):

When the bathroom is complete, it will be quite beautiful. In the meantime, my husband has lots of work to do. My contribution will be...staying out of his way.

In the middle of these projects, nature and the weather gave us another project to complete. Five years ago, we bought a mini rose to put at the corner of the house. It had these fabulous clusters of pink roses, and stood less than a foot tall. My mom called it a Seven Sisters Rose. At the end of the first season, there was one odd branch that had grown out of the base. We left it. The next year we had a few more of the odd branches. By the next year, the odd branches had completely overtaken the mini rose and killed it off, and we had to build an arbor to hold up the odd branches. This year, the weight of the monster rose bush combined with the wind ripped the arbor completely apart. We had to rebuild the arbor (using screws instead of nails, and sinking the supports a foot into the ground).

I think the rose will take down the house next. Therefore, I nominate this monster rose bush to win Aunt Becky's Nobel Prize for Awesomeness. I think she was thinking that people would win that prize, but a rose that is attempting to take over the earth ought to qualify!

At least it's a very pretty monster...

It's true...

2010-04-21T20:34:00.002-05:00

I'm an addict.

Our computer network at work was down today. I felt restless and completely unsettled all day. I had plenty of work to do that didn't require a computer, but I was still twitchy. Sigh.

How addicted are you?

An open letter to Kodak

2010-03-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Kodak,

I just want to say up front that I hate photography. Unfortunately, I must take photographs as part of my job. It's fairly easy - black and white film, fine detail, close up 1:1 shots. However, you are making my life much more difficult than it needs to be.

In the beginning, it was fun. I was given a camera and some 35mm film and told to go out and take some photos. We even took a field trip to the state park nearby. I took some shots of the lake on the wildlife preserve near my apartment, and something odd happened when I developed my print, giving it an wonderful, ethereal quality. I was...intrigued. But then we got down to business, and I started taking those shots of evidence. Loading 4X5 film in the dark. Bracketing shots to get the right exposure. Developing the film by hand - takes too long to send it off to a processor. Learning to do everything by touch.

Of course, the honeymoon had to end sometime. Standing at a land camera setup for hours on end, taking shot after shot, trying to get them right. Standing in the darkroom for hours on end, trying to stay awake in complete blackness. Develop, agitate for 5-7 minutes, stop bath, fixer for 10. Go back and do it all again, because the shot wasn't exactly right. And the film. Well, it was awful. TMax - too much gray. CPO and Kodalith - good for contrast, but will not record shots taken with a laser, because those films don't see red or orange.

And then...and then I met TechPan. I loved it. And then I met Ektapan. I loved it even more. The contrast! The grayscale too! The development time! These films were wonderful. A UV shot that used to require a 3 minute exposure was now reduced to 30 seconds. Laser shots were a second or less. And the images were so clear - not like that muddy TMax. Development times of 30 seconds to 3 minutes. They were so wonderful.

But, Kodak, you screwed me over. You decided that we were no longer important - us film-using technophobes. (Well, we're not really technophobes - we just work for one of the most cash-deprived states in the US.) Anyway, film was not part of your business plan, so you started discontinuing things bit by bit. I understand. You were embracing the digital era. First to go was CPO. I didn't miss you much. Next was Ektapan My UV shots went long again. But I still had TechPan. And then you took away my Kodalith and TechPan. I had to resort to some film made in Czechoslovakia instead of my beloved TechPan! And the replacement for Kodalith doesn't even fit in our film holders. The film holders are a standard size - why can't the film makes figure that out?

I realize that 4X5 sheet film is not exactly a hot commodity, but we need this film. At least until our lab gets its digital equipment, anyway. Which will be next year at the earliest. If the state raises taxes or something. In the meantime, couldn't you have sold the formula for these films to a rival? It's not like you're going to go back in time, Kodak, and start making film again. Think of us - we who are stuck taking pictures for preservation of evidence! None of your former competitors can make a comparable product, and so we're the ones who suffer. Reopen production or sell your formula. Help us out. Please.

Love,

A Sad Forensic Scientist Who Hates Photography. And owns a Canon digital camera for home use.

Show And Tell - Stealing Mel's idea

2010-03-10T20:46:00.002-06:00

Today, Mel is showing paint samples. Five years ago, at this time of year, paint samples were a large part of my life, and led to a most interesting Easter weekend...

My husband built our house. He was the general contractor, sure, but he also helped with the framing. He and I installed insulation and wiring. He supervised the drywall hanging. Then we hired someone to do the drywall finishing (mud and tape) and painting.

In case you haven't ever dealt with this sector of the population, it's difficult to find a reliable subcontractor. Our drywall finisher and his son did the mudding and taping, and applied the finish to the ceiling. They started painting - complaining the whole time that I had chosen semi-gloss. You know why contractors choose flat paint? Aside from the fact that it's cheap, it's also very forgiving, so if the drywall finish isn't perfect, it's not so noticeable. The more gloss you add, the more the imperfections stand out. For a couple days, the painting was going on. The ceilings were finished, and the Friday before Easter, we made a rookie mistake. Since the job was just about finished, we paid out the remainder of the contract.

The check got cashed shortly before we went to the house to see it. I had chosen what I thought was a soft oatmeal color - neutral and light/bright - for most of the house. For the bathrooms, I chose a dark sage type color. For the dining room, I wanted a dark red.

What I got in the house, instead of a neutral tone with a dark red accent, was a carnival funhouse. The oatmeal color turned out to be a pale yellow - pleasant, but not exactly right for the whole house. The painter had only applied two coats of the red (one of which was mixed with primer), so it was a lovely hot pink. The greenish color in the bathrooms was OK on it's own, but combined with the other colors...it just wasn't pretty. My husband freaked out. I cried. The painter had vanished with our money, and we got a pretty accurate gut feeling that he wasn't coming back - it was a holiday weekend, and he had just gotten paid.

So off we went to the Home Depot, where we tried to pick another color. We had to repaint, because it needed to be finished and dried before the next weekend. That's when the guys were coming to install the crown molding. I wanted a beige color, but thought it would be too dark. The nice lady at Home Depot finally told us how to get an accurate idea of what the color would look like on the walls. I don't know why this works, but it does...

Take a sample of pure white and cut a square right in the middle. Put the color you think you like in the middle of the square. It will give it a much different tone, and allow you to get a better idea of the color than just the paint sample itself. If you want an accent color, put your main color and the accent side by side in the cut-out square.

So, my husband and I painted for an entire weekend. We put 2 coats of beige on the main room, kitchen and master bedroom. We put about 6-8 coats of red on the dining room. It turned out very nicely. If my DVD drive worked, I would post some pictures of the colors.

Lessons learned: Never pick colors that are too light. Never pay anyone until you are satisfied with the finished project. Never let me choose the colors.

Go see what everyone else is showing and telling this week!

Show and Tell

2010-03-03T20:40:00.003-06:00

My husband is safely home now, but last December he was in Afghanistan. While he was there, he visited the market and brought me these beautiful items, made of lapis lazuli.

According to Wikipedia, lapis lazuli is "a relatively rare, semi-precious stone that has been prized since antiquity for its intense blue color." The best lapis lazuli is found in northeastern Afghanistan. Click on the picture to enlarge, and you will see a series of stones tiled together. The variations in the stone are calcium and pyrite (fool's gold) deposits.

Please visit Mel and see who else is participating in Show and Tell this week!

Show and Tell - My Valentines

2010-02-17T20:03:00.004-06:00

Last week, my husband spent several days harassing me about Valentine's Day. See, he's been at home for the last month - taking care of the house, doing the laundry, making dinner, cleaning, you name it. So, naturally, he told me that he wanted flowers and candy for Valentine's Day. I was considering my options. I had heard an ad on the radio for a good deal on roses (with free candy! and free shipping!), or maybe I'd just pick up a heart shaped box of chocolates. Last Tuesday, when I got home from work, I was playing with our daughter. She and my husband had drawn me a picture of a house with some flowers in front of it earlier in the week. She gave it to me again, and said "We got you some flowers!" I had an inkling that she might not be referring to the picture, but I said, "Yes, I see. They're very beautiful!" And she said, "No, Daddy and I got you flowers." I pointed to the flowers in the picture. "No, Mommy. We got you flowers on the computer." At which point, I turned to my husband and said "I think she just ratted you out!"

On Thursday (my last official work day of the week, because we had a holiday on Friday), I received my flowers from the computer. He even got the flowers that came with free chocolates!

So, what did I get him for Valentine's day? Well, I had a couple coupons for some free stuff, so he got a bag of Stacy's pita chips and and a bag of Golden Double Stuff Oreos. Because my husband appreciates free stuff more than anything!

Don't forget to see what the rest of the class is showing!

Equations

2010-01-31T20:36:00.003-06:00

When I was younger, I used to be smart. I took advanced math classes in 8th grade, so that I would be able to jump right in to higher math in high school. When I was a freshman, I was scheduled for Algebra II with the 6 or so other girls that I knew from my advanced classes. My mom, thinking she was doing me a favor, had me transferred into the Honors Algebra II class, where I was the only freshman in a room full of juniors. I stood out like a sore thumb. So, it was actually a little bit scary when I got the highest score on the test for the first section we studied.

That section was programming in BASIC. Way back then, that was the only language suitable for high schoolers to be taught. It made perfect sense to me, because much of the language was if/then format. It was logical. If this happens, then that will follow. Simple.

Lately I have found many people attempting to apply the if/then format to life. It makes me absolutely crazy, because it is a fruitless exercise to try and apply logic to life and, more importantly, to emotions. My husband likes to tell me that he can't understand what I could possibly be stressed about. I have a beautiful daughter, I have a nice house, I have a good job - everything in my life is perfect. He's applying the if/then format to my life - according to him, if your life meets a certain criteria, then there is nothing that you should be unhappy about. However, he is a highly stressed person. I attempted to explain to him that based on his own criteria, he should have no stress in his life either. He has all the things I do (plus a lovely wife who takes good care of him!).

Apparently, this is also running rampant through the blogosphere. Shannon is experiencing it. Baby Smiling in Back Seat got a dose too. Mrs. Spit is experiencing it too. It must be a phase of the moon or something.

There is no if/then equation in life. I am more than grateful to have my daughter. But she is stubborn as a mule and I hear more arguments than the Supreme Court. Constant conflict beats gratefulness into submission many days. I love her more than anything. And she drives me crazy. Some days, when she has screamed "No" at me for the thousandth time, I fantasize about selling her to the gypsies (which she might actually prefer, after having read Madeline and the Gypsies many times) To pretend otherwise would be foolish and unfair to both of us. When I tell other people about her foibles, they give me the benefit of their experience. That helps me relax and ride out the tantrums a little more easily. If I had the opinion that I needed to take everything she dishes out with a smile on my face, because I am so lucky that she made it through alive, my head would explode. She would never get proper discipline, and she would be a wild, bossy, unmanageable, unlikeable kid. If I couldn't discuss her bad behavior with others, because by doing so I would negate the struggle I went through to have her, I would never learn different techniques for dealing with her.

Life does not conform to simple if/then equations. Emotions and reactions are rarely based in logic. I do have one if/then equation to apply though.

If you try to tell me that I should feel a certain way based on your value judgements or lack of information, then I am likely to visit violence upon you.

Show and Tell - Farm Life

2010-01-06T21:08:00.003-06:00

My husband dreams of running a farm. This provides some conflict with my minimum living requirements (city water and city sewers), so he must look elsewhere for someone to share his dream. I've always known that my daughter was very similar to her father, but this past weekend, I found out that she even shares his interest in farming.

We went to my SIL's house for lunch - we hadn't been there in a while, and didn't know that they had added a sheep to their chicken collection. When my SIL's husband offered to take the kids out to see the sheep, my daughter was practically beside herself with excitement.

You may notice that my daughter is running after the sheep - she must have chased him around for 20 minutes. She also renamed him - she was calling him Fartigo (FAR-dee-go). His name is Smoky. This is another thing she has in common with her father - she's always making up new nicknames for people and things.

Now go and see what everyone else is bringing to Show and Tell.

Visiting the past

2009-12-30T21:59:00.002-06:00

I went home for a Christmas celebration last weekend. It was very rushed, but a good time, nonetheless. It was nice to see my sisters, my mom, and my nieces and nephews. It was also mass chaos, with 11 people sleeping* in the house.

While I was home, I also decided to meet up with some people that I last saw at our 8th grade graduation ceremony. One girl sent me a friend request on Facebook, and before you knew it, there were 5 or 6 of us trying to arrange a mini reunion. Reconnecting with your childhood is a very strange and wonderful thing. Because it was a small group and because it's been 27 years, there were no lingering tensions. Everyone was simply pleased to see everyone else, meet spouses, hear about lives and children, and gossip about those who were not there.

At some point during the night, I went outside to talk to my husband on my cell phone. It was a cold night (22 degrees with a brutal wind chill), and I was huddled against the wind. Three young men (maybe legal, but certainly not of drinking age) walked by and one of them suggested that maybe I would like him to help me warm up. He even opened his coat to invite me over. It made me laugh, but also made me feel young again.

While giving a brief overview of my life, I came to a realization. At least for me, all of the things that I've experienced have been necessary to get me to life as I know it. If I had married earlier and tried to start a family, I would have gone through a great many more miscarriages before I would have been able to seek additional help. If I had not wasted my 20s on a loser, I would not have been available when I met my husband.

That experiences prepare you for life is not exactly a stunning realization. But these things weren't exactly experiences that shaped who I am - they were more like placeholders to get me to the points where I needed to be in order to get the life I have. I think this is a little more palatable to me - I don't care to think of myself as being the sum of my experiences. I'd prefer that my experiences are just the scenery along the path of my life. I remain essentially unchanged. I am still the slightly obnoxious, socially inept but somewhat likeable, smart girl that I was when I was 13.

I guess I now know why I don't feel like I'm 40. At heart, I am still that 13 year old girl, with a lot less fear, a little more knowledge and understanding, and the same amount of patience (none). It's a good feeling to know that you're still the same, no matter how much you've changed.

*Well, some people were sleeping. I was not one of them. The first night, I awoke after 2 hours of sleep to find that my air bed had deflated and my nose was cold (my sister is the energy miser - she turns the heat down to 60 at night). I proceeded to spend the rest of that night and the next night sharing a twin bed with a 3 year old bed hog who really likes to sleep with her arm pressed tightly around your neck. Makes breathing difficult and sleep about impossible.

Turns out, I'm not as good at complaining as I thought I was

2009-12-17T20:53:00.003-06:00

December has not been a great month...for those around me. I want to whine about it, but while I'm feeling the stress of all the misfortunes of those around me, I am not actually experiencing them. Therefore, I cannot complain.

I can complain about my family though. My mom is putting the holiday pressure on. My sister is putting the holiday pressure on. My other sister is making rude remarks to me on Facebook. Eh, it's all par for the course in my family.

So, I'm trying to readjust my attitude. I'm almost done Christmas shopping - just have the daycare teachers left. My girl will be getting some fun stuff for Christmas. I will spend the weekend baking cookies for the neighbors (and myself!). I will meet a friend for lunch on Monday. I will appreciate that I am in my lovely home (and not in an inhospitable place, like my husband). I will appreciate that I am basically healthy, except for the cough (unlike my FIL, whose cancer has returned). I will appreciate that I have plenty of choices on where to go for the holidays, because that means my daughter has many people who love her. I will try to appreciate that I have a job (even though I can't seem to get much done lately) because so many people do not.

There will be no complaining here.

XPOL

2009-12-08T22:06:00.003-06:00

I can't figure out how to schedule this post to show up on the 9th, but it's less than 2 hours away, and the Grandmaster has already started the ball rolling down under...

The “assignment” for cross-pollination day is to introduce oneself to the readers of someone else’s blog. I can usually follow the heck out of some rules, but this one is a little tricky. This assignment requires me to know who I am and what my blog is about, and this has all become a little murky for me lately.

I fall into the same uncertain blog territory as many mommy bloggers who have roots in infertility. I don’t know what to blog about now that I’m not waiting to test, mourning a BFN, or rallying my hopes for another go ‘round. I’m hesitant to share too much about life with my son for fear I will alienate, or worse, injure my friends who are still in the ttc trenches. I spent enough time there myself to know how painful it can be to watch others get their ticket out, then send postcards about how it is so much better than they ever imagined.

In addition to that, I feel as if I’m redefining myself a bit as well, or at least figuring out how to move through the new world I find myself in. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t feel like I’m reaching for something. My life has been mission-driven for nearly a decade: First there was undergrad, then grad school, then planning our wedding, then trying to get pregnant. Each phase emerged seamlessly from the one that preceded it, and each included a massive, all-consuming project that absorbed my every free minute, thought, and action. These projects have defined me.

And now, I’m just… here. I’m exactly where I’ve always wanted to be. My career is established and I am well-respected within my field. I have a stable, fulfilling relationship with my partner who just happens to be the most amazing person I know. We own a comfortable home in a great neighborhood, and we have a happy, healthy little boy. I guess you could say I’ve arrived. This is very unfamiliar territory for me. Of course I’d love to move more money into savings, have a cleaner house, eat healthier and work out more. Oh, and while I’m at it, I’d like to win the lottery too, please. Okay? Okay.

But seriously, there are actual, less cliche goals on my horizon. I want Elliot to have a sibling and we’re hoping to relocate to be closer to family, but we have some time before we have to start thinking seriously about either of those things. I’d like to run (er… jog? power walk?) a 5k, become a CASA volunteer, and visit Prague. All of these things are on my agenda, but they’re not hanging over me every single day as ttc and pregnancy were.

I feel a need to embrace my current status out of respect for my fellow bloggers who are still ttc and so desperately long for what I have, as well as for the younger me who spent years toiling and sacrificing to get here. I owe it to all of these people to revel in this a bit. This feels really foreign, but if that’s the biggest challenge I’m facing – learning to just be present and appreciate the wonderful moment I’m in – I have no business complaining about a thing.

Well? Have you figured out who wrote this excellent guest post? Go and visit here and find out. While you're there read some hilarious, touching, and otherwise wonderful stuff!

Aunt Becky is giving stuff away and I had to work for it

2009-12-03T20:22:00.003-06:00

Aunt Becky is giving away a book. But she's mean and makes people work for it. Or maybe she just wants to know stuff about me. She also wanted me to post a button on my blog, but I can't due to question # 2...

So, here are her interview questions and my answers:

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?

No - they irritate my teeth like tinfoil on a filling.

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?

whore. Hate that word. I don't even know why. Second is panties.

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?

Cranky. It is too a flavor.

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?

Dude, my husband would be so happy if I did any chore on a daily/weekly basis. So, in order to meet that criteria, I'm going to have to go with...um...waking up. That I do religiously every day, and most of the time, it's annoying and pointless because I do it far earlier than I would like. (If you would like to change daily/weekly to occasionally, then it's totally dusting. Especially on a sunny day, because I can see those f'ing dust motes floating in the air, waiting for me to leave, so they can settle right back to the place from which I just removed them. Fuckers.)

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)

Aimless

6) Your stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?

REM, U2, The Cure, Beethoven, and all the Now That's What I Call Music CD's for some variety (I hope they made a disco version, because everyone needs a little disco every now and then).

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?

False. I know, blasphemy. But, much bacon has liquid smoke, and I think I'm allergic to that. Smoked stuff gives me gas. Aren't you glad you asked?

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?

You can get anything you want, you have all the tools to do it. Recognize those tools and use them, and maybe you'll have some more adventures. Spend some time studying in college, because playing Hearts and Spades well is not a marketable skill. Also, do not waste your 20s on someone who you don't care that much about. But, waiting for the man you really love will ultimately be worth it. Even if you do bicker constantly.

Random Thoughts from my crazy brain

2009-12-01T21:45:00.006-06:00

Did you know that, to men, there is such a thing as a boob hug? Apparently that happens when a girl hugs you tightly enough to press her boobs against you. This information makes me very happy that I'm not a touchy-feelie type of person.

Have you ever perused the sample sale sites? Like Ruelala, or Hautelook, or Ideeli? (If you want an invite, email me - I get bonuses for herding new people into the nets! For full disclosure, I have never earned a bonus, because I don't bother people with crap like that. Anyway...) Sometimes, the clothes that the models are wearing are completely unflattering. I'm not sure who does the photo selections for these sites, but if the model looks fat or uncomfortable or just kinda silly, go back and take another photo. I'm certainly not going to buy anything that makes a human clothes hanger look fat. I can't even imagine what that would do to my petite yet slightly sturdy shape. ETA: Look at the following outfit...where exactly do you wear this? In my view, if it's cold enough to wear tights and boots, it's too cold for short shorts!

Compare these two pictures:

In the first one, the model looks like she's wearing a stylish swing cape. It's fun and frivolous (although I couldn't pull off a cape to save my life). In the second one, the model seems embarassed to be wearing an ugly rug. If not for the black shirt, I'd think she was naked and her ass was hanging out the back.

I think I'm going to take up saying "anyhoodle." I often wander off topic, so I will get plenty of opportunities to use it.

I'm pretty sure that when you're actually middle aged, you don't have any concept that you've hit middle age. Based on the average life expectancy, middle age hits around age 36. When I was 36, I was still a newlywed. I was considering starting a family. I was young! Don't turn 40, or it's possible that you will start pondering stuff like this.

Did you ever work with someone who is desperate to be your friend so he/she can control you? I work with a woman like that. I know she doesn't like me, but she can't stand for me to not be her buddy. So she tries to do stuff for me. It makes me very uncomfortable.

Why doesn't the Discovery Channel (or TLC or NatGeo or History) limit their programming productions to 30 minutes? If they did that, I wouldn't have to listen to endless recaps of the previously presented information after every commercial break.

Show and Tell

2009-11-18T21:23:00.002-06:00

Today I am in the mood for a little Fawlty Towers...my favorite sitcom of all time.

Please enjoy a little politically incorrect humor:

And then go and see what everyone else has for Show and Tell

Show and Tell

2009-11-04T21:01:00.004-06:00

My favorite neighbors moved away last Friday. They retired to Florida. I will miss having someone who is kind and generous and connected to everyone in the community right next door. My daughter will miss her friends next door (who she wanted to visit EVERY DAY) and their dog. My husband will miss having someone who comes out to mow the lawn every time he does because there might be a quarter inch difference in the grass heights (they both appreciate a well tended lawn). All in all, our former neighbors are excellent people, and whoever lives near them will be the better for it.

On Halloween, our new neighbors started moving in. My husband is out of town, so I sent him some video of our daughter before we went trick or treating. She was walking down the driveway, dancing and singing. Then she ran to the back yard. Then she ran to the front porch to hide. It was a little more than a minute of low resolution video (suitable for email). After asking what our girl was singing, the second thing my husband noticed was this (which is approximately 2 frames of the 1 minute video - i.e. less than 2 seconds):

Are you wondering what is exceptional about this particular frame? Check the upper right corner for the jacked up (lifted) Tahoe. That's not exactly what we're used to seeing in our subdivision. We're thinking that our new neighbors will be MUCH different than our old neighbors. I hope we'll be just as happy with them living next door as we were with our old neighbors. We expect them to be a good addition to our block - they have a 3 year old daughter too!

Join everyone else at Mel's Show and Tell

All We Need Is A Little Love!

2009-11-02T20:17:00.004-06:00

All we need is a little LOVE! This award is about sisters uniting together and giving others some love because life is hard and who couldn't use a little love? The rules for this award is simple.  I LOVE YOU = 8 letters which gives you 8 rules :) 

Here are the rules: 

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. 

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. 

4. Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17, not sure?) who you love or you think could use some love. 

5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.

6. You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all. 

7. Post links to the blogs you nominate. 

8. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

I'm thanking Wishing 4 One, who nominated me. I love her blog because she's living an adventure in an exotic place. As a home-loving Midwestern girl, I can't imagine the courage it takes to do that kind of thing.

I nominate the following people:

1. Mama Said Knock You Out Honest
2. Mountain Momma Chronicles Similar
3. Subfertile Myrtle Hilarious
4. Bottoms Off and On The Table (Can't choose one word...Videos? Cartoons? Puppy? Sharing ability?)
5. Edenland Highchair
6. A Sense Of Humor is Essential Giving

Working out

2009-10-20T20:19:00.003-05:00

I try to work out in the mornings before work. Clearly I am crazy to do so, because that means I must drag myself out of bed at 4:45 am, in order to get everything in before I have to leave for work. When my husband is home and the weather is nice, I walk/run around our neighborhood. Otherwise, I have a variety of workout videos to use.

This morning, I broke out a new video, which my sister gave me for my birthday. Given that it came from my sister, it cost a maximum of $1*. Therefore, you know it's high quality! Apparently, it's British in origin. I could tell by the accent and because the pasty white woman performing the exercises was dressed in a black sports bra, black shorts, black ankle socks, and black shoes. (Aside: Now I know why my husband makes fun of me when I wear shorts in summer. I still don't care.) American exercise videos rarely include people who aren't tan. That particular shade of ghostly is generally reserved for those of us with ancestors from the UK or Ireland.

The second difference in this video from all of the American videos I own is that it is narrated by someone who is not performing the exercise. The monologue is not exactly concurrent with the action on the screen. That makes things a little difficult to follow. As an added bonus, the camera is frequently focused on anything other than the footwork, especially during a change in exercises. Makes things more challenging, I guess.

The third difference is the set appears to be the gym from my elementary school, with screens disguising the less attractive portions. They have the same chin-up ladders attached to the wall, the same hardwood floors...I didn't see a basketball hoop, but I assume it is behind the screen. The only difference? Their mats are more colorful than the ones stocked by the Chicago Public Schools/Park District.

However, the most striking difference is the description of the muscles that should be used during the exercise. I only did the ab portion this morning. Not once did anyone mention upper abs, lower abs, or obliques. Nope, it was "Tighten your stomach," or "stretch your side." During the pelvic tilt portion, I thought I was hearing things when the narrator told me to tighten my vaginal muscles and then my stomach. And that's vag-eye-nal, not vag-(short i)-nal. I'm sure I will be equally entertained tomorrow morning, when I discover how they describe the gluteal muscles.

While this is extremely entertaining and a refreshing change (and I get an extra ab workout from the chuckling), I think I will have to break down and buy that Shred video, so I can be like Aunt Becky.

*Lest you think my sister is cheap...well, she is, but not about gifts. She gave me a bag of 40 items for my 40th birthday, and this was one of the items. I also got a can of Mountain Dew, and some giant novelty sunglasses.

Show and Tell

2009-10-14T20:23:00.005-05:00

I had a great topic for a post this morning on my way to work. However, by the time I actually got to a place where I could write down my idea, I had completely forgotten about it. So instead, I give you

BABY ELEPHANTS! (click to enlarge)

The zookeeper was offering bananas for performance (second picture), but the darker gray elephant was uncooperative. She must be a teenager.

On our first trip to the zoo, one of the elephants had a 5 or so month old baby. It was very distressing because the mother and baby elephant were separated from the father elephant by an electric fence. The mother and father were clearly trying to get back to each other, and spent all their time pacing in front of the electric fence. On this visit, mom and dad were reunited, and the young'uns were on the other side of the fence, happily looking around for food. On the visit just previous to this one, we got there right in time to watch the male elephant poop. My little one talked about that for weeks. There's always something good to see at the zoo!

Check out what everyone else is Showing and Telling!

Travels

2009-09-23T21:44:00.007-05:00

I recently went on vacation. I travelled with my husband - he was working. I was taking advantage of a paid hotel room and a visit to places where I've never been. I made my first trip to Washington DC - I spent 5 hours and all my energy seeing everything I could pack in. I love free museums! And hot dog carts...with Vienna Beef hot dogs! I do not love birds with entitlement issues who think that they deserve some of my hot dog. Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the birds. I had to protect my hot dog.

I toured Civil War battlefields.

I visited Stonewall Jackson's arm.

I dragged my husband to George Washington's birthplace. He was coveting that piece of land, and I thought I might even be willing to live there.

Our daughter stayed with Grandma for the 6 days I was gone. That's 3 days longer than she's ever stayed at Grandma's before. After day 3, she told her father "I'm having fun. Come get me." It was good to get away, but it's nice to come home and know that someone needs you!

Updated: Why is every picture leaning to the right? I'm really not conservative.

See what everyone else is Showing and Telling!

What's wrong with people?

2009-09-03T19:37:00.004-05:00

Or, I'm pretty sure God will punish you for using Christianity like a club...

The following is an email exchange between my husband and a local business owner. My husband likes to sell things on craigslist, and we frequently get to meet interesting characters. This time, the guy let his crazy out in only a few emails.

--- On Thu, 9/3/09, phil sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net wrote:

From: phil sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net
Subject: --->1980s and 1990s Never Opened Baseball Cards - $125 (Our Town, Our State)
To: sale-nzyma-13********@craigslist.org
Date: Thursday, September 3, 2009, 12:31 PM

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

hi
i own SPORTS CARD SHOP IN CVLLE

i have 2 LOCAL PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM TICKETS TO TONIGHT s game
$44 EACH

WILL U TAKE THOSE FOR ALL THE SETS?
lmk
phil

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husbandsemail@yahoo.com wrote:
I appreciate the offer, but cash only at ths time...

Thanks

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net
Subject: Re: --->1980s and 1990s Never Opened Baseball Cards - $125 (Our Town, Our State)
To: husbandsemail@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, September 3, 2009, 12:39 PM

---i will buy them but i know the prices
WHAT IS YOUR LOW BALL PRICE?
I HAVE CASH
I OWN A SHOP AND THOSE ARE CHEAP AND PLENTIFUL BUT ??
phil
lmk

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husbandsemail@yahoo.com wrote:
Low ball price? My price is firm...

Good luck

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

> --- On Thu, 9/3/09, sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net wrote:

---with all respect sir you might THINK YOU KNOW THE MARKET, but i DO THIS EVERY DAY AND DO KNOW THE MARKET

I HAVE BOUGHT COLLECTIONS LIKE THAT FOR A SONG

NOT TRYING TO BE A WISE GUY BUT IT IS A TOUGH ECONOMY AND THE SETS NEVER SELL FOR FULL BOOK anyway..
sincerely
GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND
PHIL

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husbandsemail@yahoo.com wrote:
I don't care if you own a shop. It means zero to me - buddy. Your writing in all cap letters is a sign of ignorance - which you seem to have an abundance of...

Good day to you...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--ha ha
i love u like a brudder from anothe mudder
peace friend

gosh i try to be nice but u know little about cards

just because you paid too much for them does not mean that i will.
i am being polite
christian here
god bless

phil

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husbandsemail@yahoo.com wrote:
LMAO...

You wouldn't know the 1st thing about being cordial. You probably lack many more social skills.

I am sorry if your business has been in the dumps. I feel for you. Not really, but I thought I would play the Christian card like you. (((Smile)))

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--- On Thu, 9/3/09, sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net wrote:

From: sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net

-look buddy i know u r in a bind and i feel sorry for u.
money is the last problem i have z-4 BMW SPORTS roadster with every factory option
paid for

i travel every other month
retired teacher , 3 college degrees.. AND YOUR EDUCATIONAL LEVEL?
financial situation?
hurting , RIGHT?
THE CAPS ARE MEANT TO SHOUT TO GET YOUR ATTENTION..
get a life buddy

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: husbandsemail@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: --->1980s and 1990s Never Opened Baseball Cards - $125 (Our Town, Our State)
To: sportscardshop@internetserviceprovider.net
Date: Thursday, September 3, 2009, 1:50 PM

Where is that Christian smile now?

You are nothing more than a used car salesmen...

The cards are for sale for a whopping $125 bucks. Not 100K. If that leads you to believe I am in some type of financial dire straits, as a "Christian" you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to take the food from my children's mouths.

Please do email me again...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are no better negotiating tactics than calling someone desperate, uneducated, and pathetic. I think phil should teach a class.

Oh, and it was a pre-season football game - no one wants to go to those!

Show and Tell

2009-09-02T21:02:00.002-05:00

For Show & Tell...the scariest (and funniest) thing I've seen this week

see more Fail Blog

Don't forget to think of Melissa and her family tomorrow...

Show and Tell

2009-08-19T21:13:00.002-05:00

I don't get much chance to watch sunsets lately...they tend to happen during a busy part of my day. However, the other week I was able to capture this one.

Click to enlarge - as an added bonus, you can see our sage which is attempting to take over the earth in the lower left hand corner...

Now that the sun has set, head on over to Mel's to see what everyone else is showing

Au Naturelle Part III

2009-08-03T21:48:00.003-05:00

My final thoughts on the natural vs the artificial are in relation to childbirth. Obviously, if you’ve read Part II, you know that I was unable to maintain a pregnancy naturally. I also had a c-section to deliver my daughter. To rehash my birth experience, my water started breaking on Monday morning. I’m fairly certain it had been leaking a little all weekend, but on Monday, there was a definite amount of fluid. I called the doctor around 10 am. I wandered in to labor and delivery at 1 pm – at which point the rest of my amniotic fluid decided to make an exit. I had no contractions. Little feet were still lodged firmly in my ribcage (I would go so far as to say little toes were wrapped around my ribs). I was at exactly 40 weeks. They gave me pitocin. Every hour they would come and adjust it because I didn’t have any consistent contractions. My husband was kind enough to read off the monitors that I was all over the place. After 8 hours of pitocin, I got my epidural, and I was a very happy girl. After 16 hours of pitocin, I had dilated to 7 cm. Actually, after about 11 hours, I dilated to 7 and never moved from there. At 7 am, my doctor called to suggest that maybe we should start thinking about c-section, due to the risk of infection. At 9 am, when nothing had changed, he said I could wait more, if I chose, but given that I wasn’t making any progress, I would probably end up with a c-section anyway. I told him that I was not opposed to the idea. At 11:45 am, my daughter was finally pulled out. I’m on the petite side, and I had an almost 8 lb baby. The doctor who did the surgery said that there was no way she would have made it through my pelvis regardless.

I’ve seen a number of posts in relation to the natural childbirth vs unnatural childbirth (so to speak). Frequently, the posts are in response to articles or comment trolls. I don’t really understand why any woman would condemn another woman’s birth experience. I can only conclude that it’s due to either ignorance or an attitude problem.

I admire women who can consider all of the risks of childbirth and decide that the best decision for them is to make it through without help. I also think they’re a little on the foolish side. While women have been having babies without medical intervention for centuries, women were also dying in childbirth and having their children die too. So, my view is always better safe than sorry. And, better less pain than more pain. But in the interests of fairness, I will try to consider all sides of the issue.

Natural Childbirth (i.e. unmedicated and possibly unassisted):

The woman has the control as opposed to the doctor. She decides all the
factors – how to position herself, when to move, when to push, when to hold
back.

The woman has the power. She can have assistance or not. She can have a
doctor, a midwife, a doula, family, friends, neighbors, innocent bystanders…
or not.

The woman (supposedly – I have no experience here) gets an endorphin rush.

The woman is in better shape to care for her newborn immediately after birth.

Minor emergencies can become critical issues very quickly, and, depending on
the locale of choice (home birth, birthing center), response may be delayed.

Medicated Vaginal Delivery

The medical staff has more control. This can be a downside, depending on
how much you trust your doctor and nurse(s).

Movement is limited once you’re connected to IV’s

Sensation is reduced. Pain reduction allows for greater endurance, which
may be beneficial for long labors.

Recovery is still relatively quick.

In the event of an emergency, I believe that having an epidural already in
place means that general anesthesia is not necessary. General anesthesia is
something definitely to be avoided if possible, as it can effect the baby’s
respiration.

C-Section

The mother has ceded complete control to anyone and everyone.

Movement? Who needs to move?

In the case of a scheduled c-section, it’s a very short process. Check in,
wait, get prepped, wait, 15 minute surgery, Baby!

Pain is minimal during, but serious after. However, you do get the good
drugs. Recovery is much longer.

Emergency? That’s generally why you’re having your first c-section anyway!

I know enough women with children that I am pretty sure they’ve covered the entire spectrum of how to have a baby. The point is that there is no right way to do it. There is only what’s right for you at that particular time. I know in the ALI community, there are probably two main camps – the My Body Has Failed Me Before, But It Better Work This Time camp who chooses natural childbirth, and the I Don’t Trust My Body To Do Anything Right camp who just follows the doctor’s recommendations. I think everyone should belong to the I Would Prefer To Do It This Way But If It Doesn’t Work Out, So Be It camp. Be flexible, adjust as needed, and don’t be disappointed if your plan doesn’t work. Because really, the women who have vaginal deliveries, whether medicated or unmedicated, have less control than they think.

Here are some factors that can’t be controlled and are not usually considered:

Anatomy – do you know how wide the opening in your pelvis is? External
shape is no indication – therefore, your childbearing hips do not indicate a
wide pelvic opening, and your narrow hips do not mean you need a c-section.
Do you know how big your baby’s head is? Do you know how much the skull can
compress? How about the shoulders?

Biology – is your body producing the right hormones to make birth possible?
Will your uterus and cervix respond to hormonal cues? (I think, for me the
answers to these two questions were no and no)

Chance – where is that pesky umbilical cord, anyway? (free floating, around
the neck, over the head, wound round the toes, who knows?) How about that
placenta, where did it get to? Was anyone doing somersaults in the last few
hours?

Sure, every woman should be able to have an unassisted, unmedicated “natural” delivery. Of course, every woman should also be able to get pregnant easily enough and carry a baby to term. And, every woman with the right skills, knowledge and experience should make the same amount of money as a man in a similar position. But we know that life doesn’t quite work out that way.

Personally, I think the “natural” way is overrated. I like my modern conveniences. I’m not fond of my c-section scar, but I like it better than having a whole new anatomical landscape in the nether regions, if you know what I mean. I like having bladder control. I don’t like pain – I can live through it, but if someone offers me relief from it, I will definitely take it. What I will not do is judge someone for choosing differently than me (OK, unless I already don’t like them – then all bets are off).

My final thoughts: If you’re going to vilify someone for choosing a birth option other than unmedicated vaginal delivery, then I don’t expect to see you in the emergency room if you break your leg. Just get a couple of tree limbs and some rope. I don’t want to see you getting cancer treatments or bypass surgery – that sort of thing is definitely not natural.

Any way that a new baby comes into this world is a miracle, and no one should try to diminish that.

Au Naturelle Part II

2009-08-02T08:33:00.004-05:00

I used to be a member of the American Chemical Society. Sometime in the mid-90s, it became apparent that "chemicals" had become a dirty word. This may be attributed to major awards from lawsuits, the advent of environmentalism, or even pop culture (movies such as Erin Brokovich or A Civil Action). The American Chemical Society helped devise ad campaigns to try to address the fact that chemicals are necessary to modern life. You've probably seen the Essential To... ads or the ads where all the plastics that are used in modern life melt away.

I realize that "chemicals" is just an easy way to refer to substances which may be harmful. I know it's just semantics, but I really object to this overgeneralization. Merriam Webster defines a chemical as "a substance obtained by a chemical process or producing a chemical effect." By that definition, almost anything you use is a chemical - from your food (chemical reactions produced by heat when you cook change the flavor) to your clothing to your carpet to your car. With chemicals so prevalent in everything that we do, connotatively equating "chemical" with "toxic" is quite a dramatic overstatement.

Much of the negative focus on chemicals relates to contaminants and pollutants from industry. Some of that negativity is even justified. The thing to remember about chemicals is that they have provided many improvements to life. From vaccines to make-up, where would we be without them? Without chemicals, I wouldn't have my daughter - drugs to suppress my immune response to pregnancy were the only thing that allowed her to survive the toxic environment that is my body.

The pharmaceutical industry is definitely chemically driven. While there are natural remedies to ailments, the refinements that science has given those remedies have enhanced the benefits. Unfortunately, the pharmaceutical industry is also profit driven, meaning that the more people there are who will benefit from a treatment the more likely research in that area will be pursued. The fact that drugs are subjected to major regulation here in the US and must undergo clinical trials is a benefit to consumers. However, covering all the possibilities in terms of side effects and negative interactions with people's systems is virtually impossible.

I've read blogs of many people who have mental health disorders who must undergo years of experimentation in order to find the proper combination of medications in order to make their lives more peaceful. I'm not sure what the solution to this is, since brain chemistry is so personal. I guess all that can be asked is for doctors to work as hard as they can to help their patients, and that pharmaceutical companies continue to conduct research in this area.

I also recently read a post about someone's bad experiences with birth control pills. Apparently, one of the side effects for this person was depression. She was suggesting, based on that experience, that no one should use birth control pills. I think it's a mistake to extrapolate personal experiences to the general public. Let me give an example. Splenda is a "natural" sugar substitute - calorie free, similar in sweetness to regular sugar. It is the ultimate replacement for aspartame or saccharine, because it is an actual sugar, rather than an artificial sweetener. However, for me, Splenda gives me headaches. Whatever particular combination of methyl groups and the hydroxyl group that makes up the sugar that is sucralose does not mesh well with my system. However, I do not go around telling people that it is poisonous because it gives me headaches. It is not a poison - it just disagrees with my system. Word of mouth is important to relay information about dangerous side effects, but it can easily slide into fear-mongering if you don't carefully consider your words.

As with everything, be your own advocate when it comes to pharmaceuticals. Read the package inserts, or ask your doctor or pharmacist about side effects. Pay attention to your system when you take a new drug. As another example, I once took a common antibiotic to treat a potential eye infection. Within a few days, I had developed a small, bumpy rash on my wrist. I showed it to my doctor, who told me it looked like poison ivy. I told him it wasn't poison ivy. He assured me that I must have come into contact with it, but didn't realize. I assured him that it wasn't poison ivy because I DIDN'T GO OUTSIDE (due to whatever eye problem I had, I could barely open my eyes in any kind of light, and sunlight was extremely painful). He finally just told me to see a dermatologist. By this time, it had been determined that the eye problem was actually an allergy, so the doctor prescribed steroid eye drops. When I went to see the dermatologist, he also prescribed steroids, even though I noted that I was already taking some. (I opted not to add an additional steroid to my system.)

I also find it amusing that after 9-11, biological agents became the newest form of attack, however, biological did not assume the same negative connotation that chemical has. Anthrax, sarin - both are derived from natural sources, with little processing. Other plant materials, such as tobacco or marijuana, are not exactly healthy. (Aside: Are any of the people who vilify tobacco smoking the same ones campaigning for legalized marijuana? Because, somehow, I doubt marijuana makes you immune to lung cancer.) Psilocybin and mescaline are both naturally occuring hallucinogens - are they really any better for you than PCP or LSD? I don't know much about Eastern medicine. Much of the philosophy behind it seems simplistic to me, and I hesitate to ingest anything when I don't know what's in it. Since I haven't tried it, I won't knock it; but, I'll probably take ibuprofen over herbal supplements any day.

I would like to see chemical become connotatively neutral, instead of negative. There are dangerous chemicals, to be sure, but even those sometimes play a part in forming compounds that are ultimately beneficial.

Part III: The controversial world of child bearing

Au Naturelle Part I

2009-07-31T20:14:00.003-05:00

There is a trend in today's society to venerate things that are "natural." Hand in hand with this trend is a tendency to vilify chemicals. There is some inherent hypocrisy in this attitude that both amuses and frustrates me.

I am a modern girl. My husband is an extremely capable guy, who can adapt to any situation from big city to small town to third world country desert. He likes to tell me that I wouldn't have survived if I had been born a hundred years ago. I freely admit it. I think that my main requirement for the location in which we live says it all - I need city water and city sewers. I want all my water treated and stored elsewhere - no wells or septic systems for me! Also, I have a degree in biochemistry. If you put all that information together, you would probably surmise that I am not a big fan of all things "natural."

Recently, there was a story regarding a literature review of the nutrition value of organic food. The study concluded that organic food has no more nutritional content than non-organically grown food. This is something that I could have concluded without a grant or fellowship - the difference is not in what's missing from non-organic food; it's in what extra might be there. Pesticides and antibiotics and hormones...all the "chemicals" that might be present on your fruits and vegetables, in your meat, in your milk, because it's not organic. Unfortunately, if you really listen to all of the information, the pesticides, antibiotics, and hormones have the potential to be on your organic food too. Why? Because they're in the wind and water supply and on the birds and insects and animals that wander through your vegetable patch.

When I graduated from college, I worked for a pharmaceutical company. Because there were constant chemical reactions going on throughout the plant, the potential for accidents was always present. On one occasion, during production of an antibiotic, pressure build up in the system allowed the antibiotic to accidentally blow out of the roof vents and into the storm drains. Oops - antibiotics in the water supply. Wind carries pesticides and manufactured fertilizers on to properties where those compounds are not used. Rain does not selectively fall cleanly in one area, and save the contaminants for industrial areas. Derailed trains leaking toxic chemicals happen too frequently for my comfort.

My point is that all of these contaminants are already in the atmosphere. Sure, you're getting less of the contaminants on your organic produce, and maybe your organic meat is free of hormones and antibiotics (maybe). More likely, it's still there, but in lesser amounts. You'll probably ingest or inhale it anyway. Maybe it would be a better use of your money to buy into a local coop, shop at a farmers' market, or start your own garden. It's unlikely that organic growers will push the massive corporate farms out of existence. Maybe you'd be better off supporting research for safer pesticides or more earth friendly fertilizers. Whatever you do, stop spraying your lawn with weed killer!

Part II: The evils of chemicals or better living through chemistry?

Show and Tell

2009-07-15T20:47:00.004-05:00

I was going to write about how much more I appreciate my husband today. Because when he drives down the street and sees some scantily dressed jailbait sauntering along, he might look, but he doesn't suddenly cut his speed in half like the idiot driving the Infiniti compensating-for-something-mobile that I was following today.

And then, I was going to write about the cool cloud I saw before the storm the other day. But there wasn't much to tell, so I'll just post the picture.

Instead, I'll tell you about our twins...

No, you won't be seeing an ultrasound picture...

We have a set of coyote babies living in the stand of trees in our back yard. I find this very unusual, because I think of this as a suburban area. There are plenty of farms around us still, but the area is mostly subdivisions. I also think of coyotes as being more of a mountain or desert dwelling animal. I've recently seen the adult coyote roaming about the neighborhood when I'm walking in the mornings, and the other day, these two guys showed up to hang out under our tree. My husband wants to tame one and make it a pet.

Aren't they cute? I just hope they don't leave rabbit carcasses laying around. Or poop on the deck again.

Check out what everyone else is showing today. Go visit Mel!

Upgrading

2009-07-09T19:48:00.004-05:00

I'm not fond of my teeth. I have large teeth and a small jaw. My teeth don't look bad, but after having four teeth removed to make room and years of braces, you'd think they'd at least be straight. When I had braces, I wore them for 2 years, and then wore retainers for 2 more years. When my orthodontist was satisfied that my teeth were settled in their final resting place, he removed my bottom retainer and told me that I could drive over my top retainer with the car.

Within a few months, my bottom teeth started to move. The front four teeth settled into a line in front of my other teeth, meaning that there is overlap. I still have a bit of an overbite, but it's not horrible. (My favorite overbite description came from Cousin Bob at my grandfather's funeral when I was 13 {and in the midst of enjoying my braces}. He told me that my overbite wasn't too bad - in comparison to his daughters who could bite walls). My top teeth stayed pretty straight, until I was about 24.

I'm naturally clumsy, and one day, while opening the car door, I misjudged the distance, and with the help of gravity, whacked myself right in my front tooth. That pushed my tooth slightly backwards. I've since managed to repeat the door incident, and then not long ago, walked directly into the corner of a wall. Given that this particular tooth is slightly recessed, I can't quite figure out why that's the one I keep hitting.

Today, I finally took action. My dentist made me a new retainer. Over the next few weeks, I will be moving my teeth around a little, so I can relocate the other front tooth to be more in line with the recessed tooth. The unfortunate part of this is that having a big chunk of plastic on your hard palate makes it difficult to talk properly. I now have a lovely lisp. I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk normally again soon.

I'm excited to be able to like my smile again. I'm not sure how long it will take. After that, maybe I'll upgrade something else. My husband is looking into LASIK, so maybe I'll go there next. I recently noticed that I have cleavage wrinkles. Given that I can barely muster up some cleavage without a serious push-up bra, I'm not sure how that came about. My hair is graying. Maybe all the running/walking I've been doing will help reshape my flabby portions. This could be a long term project - upgrading my appearance. It's good to have a hobby.

An Update...

2009-06-23T20:19:00.003-05:00

...just for Nancy, who reminded me that I've had nothing to say lately.

I'd just like to say that Andrew Zimmer is crazy and I don't understand why people eat pork rinds. Normally, I wouldn't be watching stuff like the food channels, but circumstances in my house have taken a turn for the better today:

MY HUSBAND IS STAYING HOME WITH US!!!! Hoooray!!!

He has finally had enough of working 3 states away. Our girl will be done with daycare (at least for now; somehow I think DH will find it necessary to start another career sooner or later). I will have my partner, my love, my lover, and my lawn guy back full time!

So here's a whole lot of sunshine in my life today...How's your week going?

Show and Tell - Spring

2009-06-06T20:42:00.004-05:00

The other week, we had some torrential downpours, thanks to an extremely early tropical system that made its way from the Gulf of Mexico up into the Midwest. There were some reports of 8-10" of rain in an hour. Flash flooding was prevalent, and two towns north had serious storm damage - basements were washing away. Fortunately, we live on top of a hill, so all the water runs away. While checking to see if it was still raining, I discovered where some of the rain was going. (Click on picture to enlarge)

This is the cemetary behind our house - normally, there is not a river running through it. Fortunately there is a village pumping station at the end of the cemetary, so the temporary river had somewhere to go.

You can also see my husband's latest landscaping marvel - a new berm with lots of ornamental grasses. By the end of summer the grasses will be 5-10' tall, with beautiful showy plumes. He does wonderful work!

For more Show & Tell, go visit Mel.

Perspectives

2009-05-30T22:04:00.003-05:00

I had an interesting encounter today. A complete stranger shared a very personal part of her life with my sisters and me. It was kind of like the movie Rashomon...I had 4 different views of the same topic. I don't think anyone didn't say something that wasn't mildly offensive to someone else, and yet there was no real distress because the atmosphere was one of sharing and learning.

The topic? Adoption.

The participants? My oldest sister(OS) - the fertile one, my second sister(2S) - adopted two girls from China, me - not quite infertile/not quite fertile, let's go with ART survivor, new person(NP) - birth mother.

NP was discussing the topic of education and preparation of kids for real life. I guess she felt pretty comfortable in our family circle (although she seemed like the type of girl who doesn't feel uncomfortable anywhere), because she detailed the story of how she was pregnant at 20 and was pressured into giving her child up for adoption. The story was both sad and hopeful at the same time - because from a certain perspective you could see the hand of God or fate or what have you in all of her descriptions. However, even though she wanted an open adoption (or maybe a semi-open adoption - I'm not sure about the particulars), she hasn't been able to have one. Because the adoptive parents were Evangelical Christians, details of her lifestyle became unpalatable to them, and they have obstructed contact between NP and her daughter. She may have downplayed her lifestyle, but it sounds fairly typical of a 21 year old living in a new (and big) city. It sounds like she wants a bit more involvement with her child (and the birth parents), but it didn't sound like a huge imposition - perhaps an email account where she could receive updates and pictures. It was clear that she understands that not being able to have your own children is painful, but this pain is ephemeral to her. It's not real, and she can't process the depths of despair that infertility can bring. I think the most interesting point she made was when she was discussing the selection process, and how all the prospective parent could do was describe what things they could give the potential child. I can understand how difficult it must be to try and translate how much you will love a child into a sales pitch for a birth mom.

OS made a couple of the kinds of comments that infertiles hear all the time, that are really annoying, but understandable from someone whose procreation was relatively easy. It was pretty easy to tell that this was of interest to her, but she has not experienced anything that would make this comprehensible to her.

2S had mentioned reasons for adopting from China in the past, such as low disease rates. However, today, she said the main reason they chose China over domestic adoption was because they didn't feel they would be able to cope with the option for birth mothers to change their minds about the adoption. They were not capable of giving back a child that they had opened their hearts to love. Then 2S told a story of one of her patients, who was accompanied by both birth mom and adoptive mom on an office visit. She said that birth mom and adoptive mom were actually arguing over the plan of treatment.

I jumped in there with my insensitive comment about how birth mothers really have to know themselves very well before deciding on open adoption. They really shouldn't have the right to interfere in medical treatment, in my opinion. If you can't give up that kind of control, then you either need to parent your child, or step away completely. Otherwise, it makes it seem like you're treating the adoptive mother like a nanny who is taking care of your child while you're busy with your life.

My mom was also there, and while she is normally very judgmental, her only comment was to wonder why NP had opened up so completely with us. I think I may have taken the wind out of her sails, because I told her that while I was surprised by the openness, I thought it was great. NP's situation was not ideal, but it was nothing to be ashamed of, and maybe if more people were open about adoption the way she is, it would be a much smoother road for both birth parents and adoptive parents.

Know what's a bigger pregnant woman magnet than Target?

2009-05-18T20:54:00.002-05:00

The zoo. What are they all doing there? Are they trying to walk themselves into labor? Because it's not a bunch of subtle baby bumps - it's the 9+ month ladies out there. About half of them were without kids too. I guess I'm feeling better, because I found it more entertaining than painful that the universe is messing with me. Because the last 5 times I've been to the zoo? Not a pregnant woman to be found. No, then it was the ultra fit moms of toddlers, with whom I also compare unfavorably. When you can't win, you just have to laugh.

Getting over it...

2009-05-16T21:19:00.002-05:00

I'm not getting much time to grieve this almost pregnancy. My husband returned to work today, so it's just me and my girl for a month. I feel mentally exhausted, but I can't sleep very well. I'm sad, but I don't know what the root cause is today. I'm sad because I miss my husband when he's not here. I'm sad because my daughter is sad because she misses her dad. I'm sad because I really want another baby, and this last chance didn't work. I'm sad because I have cramps. I'm sad because the idiot at the lab couldn't get a vein on my last blood draw and was wiggling the needle around in my arm and the bruise hurts. I'm sad because I have to have another blood draw to make sure that beta goes to zero.

I went to Tar.get today. I don't understand why it is that that particular store is a giant pregnant woman magnet. I saw no less than than 4 pregnant women today. One of them was smoking in the parking lot. I hate to judge people, but, seriously, she couldn't quit for a few months? I guess probably not, or she would have. I must be feeling a little better, since the sight of legions of pregnant women is not one of the things making me sad. I also don't understand why the pregnant women only appear to those who are trying so hard to have a baby. I never registered a pregnant woman when I was in my twenties, unless I knew her.

I have some things to look forward to. I will lose the bloating and the pregnancy brain (how did I get that in a chemical pregnancy???). I can have a glass (or a bottle!) of wine. My family and I will be getting together at the end of the month. We only get to do that about once a year. I will get to see friends (and, of course, their new babies). I will take 3 days off work. My husband will be home in a month. And every day, I get some kind of new entertainment from a certain 2 year old little girl.

Follow-up

2009-05-11T12:56:00.002-05:00

Beta #2: 26

I guess that means I don't have to worry about medications...

Where the fear kicks in...

2009-05-08T20:28:00.002-05:00

I thought I would write this yesterday. I got a positive hpt yesterday morning. I tested on Monday, but that was too early. I wasn't going to do it again, but I had some symptoms (horrible [and for me, unusual] breakouts on my face and back, the hungries (every 3-4 hours), and the kicker...my husband upset me and I didn't start a screaming argument with him like I normally would if I had PMS) that I couldn't ignore. So I took the test.

For most people, that positive test would be the start of the wonderful journey. For me, it's just a signal to call the doctor to get my medication started and my worrying ramped up. I called the doctor and they sent me for a beta. The nurse said she would call back today to get my prescriptions going.

The problem is, they did not have my file available until yesterday afternoon. When I spoke with them today, I got some good news and some bad news.

First the good news: Beta at 12 dpo was 41. Repeat beta on Monday.

Now the bad news: My protocol for prevention of miscarriage is hepa.rin and baby aspirin. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I injected myself with hep.arin twice a day for about 7 weeks. During the 7th week, I developed a rash at the injection site. The doctor switched me to Love.nox. I developed a rash at that injection site. I was far enough along for the doctor to be comfortable telling me to stop the injections, and I have a beautiful (if extremely talkative) little girl to show for it. Now, however, the nurses cannot prescribe hepar.in because I may be allergic to it. When I asked this doctor and my regular OB, neither seemed concerned about future usage of hep.arin. I'm in a waiting game, though, to see if they will prescribe he.parin, or lov.enox or if I will be on my own with baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins.

So, happiness and fear. I thought the fear of miscarriage in spite of drugs was what I was going to write about yesterday. Now I fear that there's nothing that can be done for me. I suppose it's some consolation that most literature thinks the hep.arin is too aggressive for my mild diagnosis of ANA's and baby aspirin is the solution. It is also amazing how the body can think of new and different ways to mess with you.

National Infertility Awareness Week

2009-04-28T19:43:00.002-05:00

It occurs to me that I know only a few people who have had no trouble conceiving and carrying babies. So, in honor of those of us for whom conception and live babies don't come naturally, I would like to salute the following people:

My sister, who married late, and decided after a year of unsuccessful trying, that intervention was not for her. Thank you for bringing two of the smartest, most adorable, most hilarious little girls from China to be a part of our family.

My friends J and S. The first people I knew who had to terminate a pregnancy due to a severe defect. They were totally undeserving of such sadness. Now, they have 2 beautiful children.

My friends M and D. Their first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. Their second pregnancy occurred at the same time I was having my miscarriages, so it was bittersweet for me. Their son was born 3 weeks early. Their daughter was born 2 weeks early. They both had breathing issues at birth. Their second son was born this month, and had some sort of infection. I hope they're done having children, as I can no longer take the stress.

My friends M and G. M tried so hard for so long to have children. She finally went for treatments, and happily gave birth to twin girls. I saw her heart breaking every time she saw a baby and I am so happy she got her dream.

My aunt M. For probably 7 years, she tried to have a baby. She and my uncle eventually adopted. But they never gave up, and 8 years later, after at least one D&C (that I know of, but I was only 10 at the time), succeeded in having a successful pregnancy.

To all of us who have suffered a loss, be it a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, a still birth, or the death of a child. While we have gotten to experience the joy of a pregnancy for at least some duration, we understand the difficulties involved in creating the family of which we dream.

Finally, to all of those who have not yet realized their dream. My hope for you is that it will not take you much longer.

I love the news!

2009-04-21T20:20:00.002-05:00

I was watching the news the other day. They were running a story about a rash of car burglaries in a nearby town. It was somewhat distressing that the thieves were stealing from cars in driveways, right next to garages. It's generally a pretty safe town, and so the residents were concerned. They had interviews with 2 teenage girls. One had her purse stolen from her car. They took the cash and then threw her purse and contents out along the side of the road. The other girl was upset that someone had stolen her new digital camera. The news report wound up by asking for any tips and by reminding people to lock their cars.

You're wondering what it was I found about this news story that's worth commenting on, aren't you?

At no time during this 2 minute segment did anyone, including the police chief who was also interviewed, suggest that maybe it would be a good idea to remove their valuables from the car before leaving it.

I was also recently discussing with another woman how surprised people are when they leave their purse in a shopping cart and someone steals it. For God's sake - it wasn't that long ago that someone stole a BABY from a shopping cart (if I remember correctly, the guy didn't make it out of the store, but still)! Purses are generally easier for the thief to dispose of - why wouldn't they take what you're essentially offering?

Moral of the story: If you don't want people to take your stuff, don't leave it out where they can see it.

2009-04-15T21:55:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Martha for the Friendship Award!

The only rule is to pay it forward to 8 other bloggers.

Prosy
Nancy
Antropologa
Eden
Bottoms off and On the Table
Fat Chick
Kandi
and finally, anyone else who might be reading...because we're all friends here!

What to complain about today?

2009-04-10T21:26:00.004-05:00

Well, let's start with the easy stuff...for the second time in a year, I threw up. Not that significant an event, generally, but prior to the previous occurrence, I had not vomited in 15 years. I really hate vomiting. Of course, I have become a little more immune to it, since I spent all of Wednesday night cleaning up after my little germ factory, who started the whole game. 5 bed changes, 2 loads of laundry, 7 costume changes, and I finally got to bed 7 minutes before my alarm would normally have rung. Bright side: Extra day off of work.

Second, got my property tax assessment today. Apparently, the county where I live is unaware that there is a fucking recession going on. And that the recession is directly due to the fallout of the subprime mortgage issue. And the subprime mortgage issue has directly led to a reduction in property value in most areas of the country. Nope, my county is completely clueless, because not only did they reassess our home's value for the fourth year in a row, they increased the market value of our house for the fourth year in a row. Guess who's moving? My husband states unequivocally that he will not pay more in taxes than he would pay in rent for a decent apartment. Last year, we were pretty close to his breaking point. This year, we've reached it. Bright side: Um...I like to look inside other people's houses? New furniture arrangement? Maybe we'll move closer to work?

Finally, I have nothing to do for Easter. Usually we go to my in-laws, but they went out of town to visit my husband's grandmother. Although, even if they were here, I'd be at home anyway, due to this plague inflicted on me by my charming daughter. We'll still be coloring eggs and the Easter bunny will visit. Bright side: If I'm sick, I don't have to feel guilty about not going to church.

Happy Easter!

Insurance

2009-03-31T21:33:00.002-05:00

I was watching a special on health care coverage and how those without employer coverage are absolutely screwed. Even states with mandated coverage price out the self-employed. I have been very fortunate in my health care coverage with my employer, and I hope that it never changes. There have been few things that have not been covered - and even those might have had partial coverage.

The insurance industry and people I know have been intersecting lately. My mom has heart disease and type II diabetes, so her health care coverage is extremely costly. Fortunately, she can afford it with her health care coverage.

My best friend gave birth to her third child today. A wonderful event that was supposed to take place at home was suddenly moved to a hospital due to maternal and fetal distress. Now, her baby will be needing extensive care (hopefully for only a few days - I'm praying for no long term issues) due to some nerve damage and listeriosis. She was tested for listeriosis, and the test came back negative. Now, her son is in the NICU, getting antibiotics, and physical therapy. I shudder to think what that would cost without insurance. My friend is a SAHM and her husband is self-employed. It's a good thing he's very successful.

In other sad news, a high school classmate passed away suddenly over the weekend. Apparently, she had some sort of cardiac event, depriving her of oxygen for 30-45 minutes. She was on life support for some period of time, and then lived for some time after support was removed. She was quite a character in high school - a person who was not afraid to be herself, whoever that might be. The world will be a little lacking without her. But, consider, what is the cost of keeping someone alive and what is the cost of hospice while you wait for someone to die? Without insurance, would her family be bankrupted for the cost of the process of dying? That's not exactly something that can ethically be hurried along.

I don't know what the insurance solution is. I have worked for a pharmaceutical company, and I know how much it costs to develop drugs. I do not find that the cost of many drugs is unreasonable. I know that doctors are trained and skilled, and while I frequently doubt their words, I think that they often earn their salaries. I don't think socialized medicine would work for me - there are too many people in my family with unusual complications to their illnesses, and I would not want to be limited in my doctor selection. After watching the Frontline program (available at pbs.org), I'm pretty sure I don't want to leave my employer. I had mention of a possible diagnosis of lupus, and while I don't have any symptoms, and therefore do not have lupus, I think that would be a giant red flag for any future insurers.

I guess it's time to throw all of our research money at the geneticists - let them figure out how to fix our genes to fix our health issues. Then all you'd need is a few doctors to set bones, put in stitches, and perform appendectomies, and insurance would become obsolete.

There's something wrong with ad agencies lately...

2009-03-21T20:21:00.001-05:00

I know everyone hates the insurance commercial with the new dad. I'm not fond of that myself. If nothing else, I find it vaguely offensive that he can't be bothered to think of the future BEFORE the baby actually arrived. However, there have been several commercials lately that I have found to be...well...disturbing.

Tonight, I saw a Boost mobile commercial

Huh? I realize that Boost is usually out there on their ads, but this? It just makes me say Ick.

And then there's the Old Navy ad with gratuitous mannequin nudity.

I get the point that the dresses are sooo popular that they must be pulled off the mannequin. If the commercial ended there, I think it would be a clever concept. But, the subsequent ogling and conversation take it to the point where the dresses are a secondary point to the commercial and the implied nudity becomes the focus. Maybe I'm just getting old and prudish.

Finally, the one that disturbs me the most is a new Hamburger Helper commercial, which is not on YouTube. A bunch of people are on an elevator and I don't know what else happens, because the Helping Hand pops out and IT'S ATTACHED TO AN ARM!!! Up past the elbow! The Helping Hand had never before been attached to an arm! What is this heresy? Granted, I have issues with hands attached to arms with no bodies - it has to do with my job (I work in a crime lab). But seriously, where is the animation magic or green screen that would obscure the arm? Disembodied arms...I don't think that's the image that Hamburger Helper is trying to project.

Perhaps it's time to step away from the TV. But then I would miss the fake-pregnant-man-in-drag Taco Bell Nachos commercial, which is a little funny.

Go see what the normal people are showing this week for Show & Tell!

Ponies

2009-03-08T18:34:00.003-05:00

I have two aunts that have greatly influenced my life. Without them, I would not have had the education I have, the knowledge that an independent and unattached woman can have a very full life, or walls filled with oil paintings and a china cabinet full of ceramics. My Aunt R was quite the stereotypical oldest child. She liked to tell everyone how they should be living their lives (from me to the pastor at her church), but she did it in the nicest way possible. She always made you believe that you could be something extraordinary (but there was nothing wrong with being ordinary). She would frequently try to enrich our lives in whatever way she could think of - from penny blackjack at Christmas parties to a set of oil paints (which I'm sure my mother loved). When I was 12 or 13, she tried to interest my sister and me in poetry...through bribery. She offered to pay us to learn poems - the amount was based on the length and difficulty of the poem. My sister wasn't interested at all, and I only learned one poem...but it was a good one. Resume, by Dorothy Parker...just the thing an already cynical teenager needs to know. And, I earned a whole 60 cents!

Today, while giving my daughter a bath, I was reminded of Aunt R, and I thought of how proud she would already be of my daughter...

When I got tired of reading Curious George goes to the Zoo for the millionth time, I started reading poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Silverstein instead of bedtime stories. I just pick a few different ones to read each night, and my daughter will stop me if a page catches her attention. Since I don't want her to tear up the book, I keep it on a shelf in her room. So, she will now ask for 'ponies from the shelf' because poems has been too difficult to pronounce. Every day, I have to read some poems, and while it entertains me, I didn't know if she was getting anything out of it. However, during bath time tonight, my daughter said "upstairs, upstairs, upstairs," which is part of the poem Upstairs - about a family of wrens who live in a guy's hat/hair. I think she's on her way to appreciating poetry - for which I can thank Aunt R.

2009-02-11T20:37:00.003-06:00

Thanks to Martha for my first award!

The attendent rules:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. Then, list at least 10 honest things about yourself.

1. I tend to speak without thinking
2. That's why I tend to find writing easier
3. I am unwilling to dye my gray hair because I'm too cheap to get it dyed every few weeks.
4. I watch too much TV
5. I don't really watch TV, since I'm usually reading a book or on the computer at the same time
6. I read a lot of books, but I only really absorb the plot lines of the one I find meaningful or really enthralling.
7. I frequently get books from the library that I've read before and don't realize - until I get a few pages in.
8. I wish I could travel more
9. I never used to get angry, but now I have a much hotter temper.
10. I am a dog person, but allergies prevent me from having pets. Maybe someday.

Thanks also to Martha for The Lemonade Stand Award

And the final tag from Martha:

Instead of saying where you live, what state your hair is in, etc. you will share bizarre little things about yourself. Maybe you have some guilty pleasures, maybe you have some OCD that you desperately try to hide, whatever the case may be this is your chance to spill it. Let's all remember to be honest, not to judge, and to have some fun being able to embrace our oddities and laugh at ourselves. Thought this might be a nice mid-week tension reliever.

1. I don't like for my food to touch, unless it's supposed to touch (like a casserole, or pasta and sauce)
2. I occasionally alphabetize my CD collection.
3. At work, my desk top is a mess, but my drawers are neat and organized
4. This is a carryover from my childhood. When I was told to clean my room, I would shove everything in the drawers to get it off the floor.
5. I have a semi-irrational fear of touching wild birds, as my mom once told me that they carry disease.
6. I like to sleep late, but am incapable of doing so.
7. It makes me crazy to watch forensic stuff on TV.
8. I am somewhat prudish around most people, but around certain people I can be quite raunchy. I find this to be odd.
9. I think I'm losing my hearing, little by little.
10. I do not like sand - because you just can't get it off.

As usual, I'm tagging and awarding anyone who reads this!

It's all relative

2009-02-06T20:36:00.004-06:00

My sisters-in-law have sent me most unusual emails this week. First, the one that just had a baby sent me a note to tell me about the baby. I sent her one back, congratulating her, telling her that we'd like to stop by sometime, and asking if there was anything she needed. She responded by saying "Thank you for offering to get us something. i could really use a hamper (i like the wicker ones either white or honey color). Her room is eventually going to be bright colors like pink & green." Now, on the one hand, it's nice to be able to get something that someone actually wants. But, on the other hand, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I was thinking more in terms of, you know, bread and milk, or a package of diapers. But, I had intended to get a gift for the baby, so why not a hamper? At least I can be fairly sure it will get used.

My other sister-in-law is doing some sort of fund raising effort for the Amer. Cancer Society. My husband's dad had esophageal cancer this year, and seems to have beaten it. My sister-in-law, K, is a passionate girl, and always has a cause that she's working on. So, she was soliciting donations for her effort last month. This month, she was pissed that no one had donated and so she sent out a chastising email, telling us all how we should be supporting her. I am of two minds about ACS. My dad had Rheumatoid Arthritis, and when my mother contacted the Arthritis foundation for help, they told her there was nothing they could do for her. This was way before the internet, so this was supposed to be how you found support and information before blogging and Dr. Google. So, I have a rather cynical view of these societies and foundations. I'm sure they do some good, but I'd rather support charities that I know are actually serving people directly, like the Red Cross. In addition, I do not like the Amer. Cancer Society, because I'm pretty sure they were the source of my favorite telephone solicitation call:

I was living at home after my dad had passed away, and I worked evenings. One day, the phone rang and I answered it.

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Can I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
Me: (Clearly they don't know us, or they would know that Mr. Smith has been dead for over a year) They're not home right now.
TM: I'm from the Amer. Cancer Society, and I'd like to send some information to the Smiths.
Me: Well, I don't think they'll be interested, but feel free to send whatever you like.
TM: OK, I'll just need to verify the address.
Me: Like I said, I doubt they'll be interested, but go ahead and verify the address.
TM: What is the address there?
Me: If you're verifying the address, shouldn't you already have it?
TM: Well, we just have a list with names and phone numbers. We don't have access to the list with the addresses. That's kept separately.
Me: Well I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it, and I'll be happy to verify it then.
TM: This is very important information, and I know the Smiths will really want to have it. So I will need to verify the address.
Me: Look, lady, if you're verifying the address, then you have to already have the address. I am NOT giving you the address. You tell me what you have and I'll tell you if it's correct. That's what verifying is.
TM: I told you, I don't have access to the address list.
Me: Well, I'm not giving you the address. You can call back when you have it.
TM: Fine. I WILL call back and I will tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith how rude their babysitter was and you WILL be fired. *Click*
Me: ...

Me: Hello Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Me: Did you know I'm going to be fired?
Mom: WHAT?!?!? (For God's sake you just got that job, what are you talking about)
Me: Yeah, the dog's going to be very disappointed that I won't be able to babysit him anymore.

Mom did not fire me from babysitting the dog, in case you were wondering.

Multiple personalities

2009-02-02T13:51:00.002-06:00

I've been reading a lot about the inherent conflicts of motherhood. I've read the posts from those who do not yet have children, and how they resent being told how free they are (or appreciate that freedom but are willing to give it up at any time). I've been reading about people who have concluded their fight against infertility and wonder whether this will redefine who they are. This has made me reflect on my quest for children and how much of myself I've sacrificed.

I'm not a terribly ambitious person. I have a relatively great job...it pays well, it's very secure, the work can sometimes be interesting and exciting, and mostly I am in charge of what I do every day. I also have evil coworkers and managers who try to manufacture evidence to progressively discipline people in order to either make them completely submissive or make them quit. I take that back. For one manager, even being submissive is not enough. You must actively recognize his greatness on a daily basis, or you make yourself a target.

When I was 34, I decided to take the LSAT and apply to law school. I got in, and it would have cost about $20K/year for tuition. Since it was night school, I could have kept my job, and we could have afforded the tuition, but my husband was opposed to the expense. As I said, I'm not terribly amibitious, but my main motivating factor for not pushing to go to law school was that I knew I wanted to have children. It would have been a waste of resources to start law school, because I would probably be having a baby before I graduated.

Once I finally did get to the point where there was a pretty good chance that I could have a take-home baby, I was pretty happy to have my job. I had lots of sick time and vacation time stockpiled. I could work part time for a year. They were required to provide me with a place to pump breastmilk. At the time, my husband worked with me. He had gotten so fed up with the evil people that, when the baby was about 5 months old, he started looking for new jobs. We both applied for the position that he has now. When I went for the interview, I saw that it would be a great job...if I didn't have a child. Everyone there was ambitious and dedicated. Everyone spent a LOT of time at work. But it is a contract position with the US Government, and some other company could win the bid for the work at any time. It did not provide the security I felt we needed for our daughter.

I would have loved the job. It involves cutting edge technology. It involves national and worldwide security issues. It is high-impact but low profile. But I could not fully devote myself to it, because I was 100% devoted to something else...mommyhood. Plus, the attraction of a 6 figure salary was outweighed by the need to keep a stable home and be near family. Putting the needs of your children first is a no-brainer, but it is extremely challenging to put aside your career options to do it, especially when you are going to continue working.

I didn't really take in that I might be losing my identity until our daughter was 15 months old and I took her to daycare. Overnight, I became S.'s mom. I was not Mrs. Whatever, I was not A, I was S.'s mom. I was simulatneously freaked out and offended by this. My first thought was "I am not just S.'s mom. That's a great thing to be, but it is not my whole being." Then I wondered (because my husband was saying something similar) if it was becoming my whole being. But it's not. I still have interests. I still have the same hobbies that I've always had.

Yes, I have made some sacrifices that I would not have made if I did not have S. But operating in her best interests does not change me. I might swear a little less, but that's only when she's around. I might go out less than I used to, but I'm basically a homebody anyway. When she's an adult and moves out on her own, I will not find myself lacking in things to do. Yes, I'm a mom, but I'm not only a mom. Although I am pretty focused on becoming a mom to another baby...

Names, names, names

2009-02-01T14:36:00.003-06:00

In keeping with what is now apparently a family tradition for this generation, my SIL named her new daughter something that ends in -a (or -ah). There are 4 girls now, and they all have names like Diana or Viola (but not those, of course). It's kind of odd, and if I remember correctly, yet another SIL intends to name her daughter (if she has one) Mya.

I have issues with names. I'm also a bit of a hypocrite, since my daughter has an unusual name, but the blame rests entirely with my husband. But it does make me cringe a little when people alliterate their children's names. Like my grandmother...who had 3 daughters. All their names start with Mar... Like my oldest sister...who has 3 children whose names all start with M. For that matter, my oldest sister also chose my name. Her name starts with A, and my next oldest sister's name starts with J. Then the next sister is also a J. When I was born, my sisters were sent to stay with my aunt for a few weeks, and there was a letter from my oldest sister urging my parents to pick another A name (with a list of suggestions) so she wouldn't be outnumbered. Maybe that's why I have issues with names.

In the course of my work, I look at a lot of names. At one point, I found the worst name ever, but it was so horrible that I've completely blocked it from memory. One of the names that tickled me the most was Ruby Mae Cabbagestalk. I don't know why I think that's so funny, but there it is. I recently saw on The Smoking Gun the guy named Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris (they refer to it as the best Scarface tribute). One of the guys in our office compiled a list of the most unusual names he'd encountered. While some are not that unusual to me, there are a couple of standouts, such as Vassey Vernon Von Hoosier III (because once is just not enough to saddle someone with that name) and someone I've seen a time or two, Quliac Halfacre.

My question is this: What's wrong with traditional first names, with traditional spellings? Don't you waste enough time in life without having to spend half an hour spelling your name over the phone for every customer service call? There are at least 2 more common names by which my daughter will likely be called, because her father fell in love with a word and decided to make it a name. (In my defense, I had only agreed to it as a middle name, but then when we decided on a first name the flow of the names was better when they were reversed. Also, there is an actress who has a variation of her name, so it's not completely unheard of.) Personally, I don't want my child to stand out for anything other than her own accomplishments. If you get a chance to read Freakonomics (by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner), it has an interesting section on names.

The week in review

2009-01-31T15:11:00.002-06:00

Monday: I don't work on Mondays, so S. and I had a lovely day at home together. My husband is always looking for a new house to buy, so he can have a project. So my daughter and I went to the bank to get a pre-approval letter for a loan, in case we find a property to buy. There are a few contenders and we're waiting to hear back on one offer. But, my wonderful girl was fabulously well-behaved in the loan officer's office for the 40 minutes it took to fill out the paperwork. I was very impressed and so were the ladies at the bank. Snow started falling in the evening, so I stayed up too late, thinking that we'd stay home the next day.

Tuesday: I woke up to less than an inch of snow, and even though there were predictions for more (and sleet and freezing rain), there was no way I could justify staying home from work for that small amount of snow. So, S and I went to daycare and work, respectively. Once I got to the daycare, there was about 4 inches of snow (and they're only 10 miles away from home). But, daycare was closing early, due to the weather, so I only stayed at work until 12:30. Of course, the freezing rain started at 10 am. And I got to daycare at naptime. Waking my daughter up from her nap is a baaad idea. Oh well, early to bed again for her. Again, I stayed up too late, wondering if it was going to snow enough for me to stay home from work.

Wednesday: This time, I woke up to 6 inches of snow. Hurray! I called in to work and got ready for a day off. Then I remembered that it was trash day. So I put S. in front of the TV (she loves her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), and started shovelling a path down our extremely long driveway. The snow mountain was in front of the house, instead of in front of the driveway, so I only had to dig out the 2 foot pile left by the plow. We went outside around 9:30 to start shovelling the driveway, and I couldn't get the child to go back inside. She loves to play in the snow! I finally dragged her back inside. We had some lunch and then she refused her nap again. So, back outside for more shovelling. She got another early bedtime, which was good for me, because I was busy taking the online Jeopardy test. Don't know if I passed, but I was definitely closer this time than last time.

Thursday: Sad day...had to go back to work. I had an agency request some additional work on a case, which was supposed to go to court next week. Other than that, the day was mostly uneventful. Oh wait, I think this was the day that my husband told me that his sister had her baby. He told me she had a little girl, but didn't elaborate any further. Guess I'll have to call his mom to find out the specifics...but it's The Evil Chad's wife, so I'm not in a hurry on that score.

Friday: Work again. I finished the work from the previous day, and called the agency with results...only to find out that the defendant in the case had pled guilty the previous day. Hey, thanks for telling me. I love to put everything aside to do your work and then have it be ALL FOR NOTHING! I love to waste my time. There's nothing else I could be doing, after all. It's not like I'm working cases from 6 months ago, or anything! AARGH! See blog title for actual reaction...

Saturday: Another lovely day off. The snow is melting. Mountain Dew is on sale at K-mart. S. cooperated at her swim lessons for the first time. She loves swimming, but she is cautious around new people. Even though I'm sitting right there, she is unsure of the teacher, since she's only seen her a few times. But, today, she only had a token protest and then sat right down on the edge of the pool. Now she's even napping! Hurray!

Even though I've had all this time off, my house is a disaster and I will be forced to get off my ass and clean it. Instead, here I am on the computer. Updating my blog, reading other people's blogs, wasting time on Facebook...oh well, there's always tomorrow. So, if you all wouldn't mind doing me a favor and not writing anything I can read, I might actually get something done around here!

Happy Birthday!

2009-01-25T21:24:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. He will be at work, out of state, and we will be missing him. Happy Birthday to my love, who is decent, hard-working, and loving. We hope this is the start of a great year for him.

In which I am disappointed and heartened at the same time

2009-01-22T20:35:00.003-06:00

Email exchange between my husband and me this morning:

Me: I gave up caffeine for nothing, but at least I can finish that bottle of Merlot now...

Him: Damn it!

Just when I think I'm selfishly forcing what I want on my husband, he surprises me. He likes to tell me that babies are what I want. That he would be perfectly happy never having had kids. I know this is true, as I watch him constantly try to divest himself of belongings. To sever attachments so he is free. To travel to the ends of the earth, for a mission, yes, but also for the thrill of discovery. But then I see how quickly he fell in love with our daughter, and how he loves her now. I see that he is disappointed too. He usually keeps his feelings too close for me to tell what's going on (which is why I am frequently so irritated with him...I never know what he's thinking!) so I think that it is just me.

With our first pregnancies, there was no problem at all getting pregnant. I estimated my ovulation date, and we tried to make a baby. Whenever we tried, fertilization occurred. Two times out of three, there was no baby, but the beginning step was easy and always successful. Here we come to my main fear. How much work will it take to have another baby, and how far am I willing to go? I know that, since my eggs are already 40 (thanks for counting age at delivery, OB's of the world), I should not be expecting to get pregnant easily. But I do, because that's how it has been in the past. And each time I don't get pregnant, I have to confront the fact that there may be obstacles.

To date, I have been facing these facts alone. But today, even though I got that BFN, I know I'm not alone in my disappointment. I do have a companion on this journey, even though he pretends to send me along on my own. When we work together, we can really accomplish the things we want to do. (Um...well, as long as there are no issues about methods or who's in charge - since we're both a couple of stubborn know-it-alls). Thanks to my husband, even in my disappointment, I find my hope renewed.

A trip to the zoo

2009-01-19T21:08:00.002-06:00

Have you heard of squeaker shoes? They're shoes for beginning walkers that have squeakers (like a dog toy) in the heels, supposedly to teach kids to walk on their heels instead of their toes. They weren't available here until recently, but my sister had purchased some in China for her daughters when they were there. She had a pair that were too small for daughter #2, so she sent them to my daughter.

A year ago last fall, I took my daughter to the zoo. We have a great zoo and I like to go pretty often, but I think this was only our second trip. She was just starting to walk, and the only shoes she had were squeaker shoes. We were going through one of the habitats that included a bunch of different animals, like warthogs, elephants, hippos, and cheetahs. It was a perfect autumn day...temperature in the upper 60's, sunny, and pleasant. I was pushing the stroller along the trail, and we came to a rather flat, straight, and not very occupied section. We stopped to check out the cheetahs. They were all lolling about, sleeping in the sun. There was one sitting upright, keeping an eye on the neighborhood. My daughter seemed uninterested in the cheetahs, but she was getting a little antsy, so I put her down to let her walk for a while.

Off she went...squeak, squeak, squeak...she turned around to look for mommy and smile. Squeak, squeak...Mommy notices that all of the cheetahs have abandoned their sleeping and are sitting up and looking around...squeak, squeak...uh-oh, maybe these shoes have the same effect on cheetahs that they would have on dogs...squeak, squee-time to get back in the stroller before those cheetahs think they've found lunch!

On we went, quickly, down the trail. Those cats were definitely looking for the lunch cart. We went on to watch the frantic elephants...there was a baby elephant that was only a few months old. He and his mom were separated from the male elephant. Mom and Dad were not very happy about the separation, and were making increasingly aggressive attempts to get to each other through what appeared to be electrified fencing. It was a somewhat disturbing trip...further visits have been more peaceful. For us, anyway.

The next week, we heard on the news that a cheetah had taken the leap and escaped his enclosure. He was roaming around the zoo for a short period of time before they put him back in the enclosure. I think those squeaky shoes inspired a bid for freedom (or at least different food).

Show and Tell

2009-01-17T21:03:00.003-06:00

I was looking around the house for something interesting to share for Show and Tell. Didn't really come up with anything, so here's a picture of our mantel with the stuff on it.

From left to right:

The blue bottle was a gift from a friend.

The ceramic vase was purchased in Nove, Italy. It's a fantastic place with warehouses full of any kind of ceramic item you could ever hope to find. I even got some Banana Republic ceramics seconds (a cake plate).

The nesting dolls were purchase by my husband in Uzbekistan or Afghanistan when he served there in 2002-2003. I'm half Polish, so we've always had sets of nesting dolls around in my family. But, since I don't know if they have lead paint, they have to be up where my daughter can't reach them.

A mantel clock inherited from my aunt. My grandmother (dad's mother) purchased it, probably in the 1940's or earlier.

A cloisonne vase purchased by my sister in China when she and her husband went to adopt their second daughter there. When they went to get their first daughter, she bought us cloisonne Christmas ornaments, but mine broke before I could use it. More lead paint questions...

An American flag given to my husband on his return from serving in Afghanistan.

The picture also implies that we might have some low ceilings, as the mantel and the crown molding appear to be really close. Actually, we have a REALLY tall mantel. My husband built it and I'm not sure why it's that tall.

So, go and visit Mel to see what everyone else is showing today!

So THAT'S how you do it!

2009-01-16T07:54:00.001-06:00

see funny english mistakes

Maybe this has something to do with it?

see funny english mistakes

Back in the saddle again

2009-01-14T21:08:00.003-06:00

What saddle, you ask? Well, actually, there are a couple.

My husband went back to work today, so I'm back in the single parent for the moment saddle. The older my daughter gets, the more she can express her displeasure when Daddy leaves for a few weeks. It's usually a bedtime tantrum (for an hour or so), which is very tiring. But she's such a good girl.

I'm also back in the productivity saddle at work. I had a lot of vacation time that I had to use (or lose) in December, so I took quite a bit of time off. I also had a particularly time consuming and nasty case to work, so I didn't get a lot done. I'm approximately one full month behind where I should be for my annual review that will happen in April. Too bad I don't care much about productivity...and the fact that there have been time-stoppers slowing me down left, right, and center. But, so far this month, I've been cruising right along. I can only hope that continues.

Finally, I'm back in the 2 week wait saddle. My husband remains unconvinced that another child is a good idea. But, he was considerate enough to toss his reservations for the moment, because deep down, he wants a son (although he would be perfectly happy with another girl to adore him). We get pregnant without assistance, so I don't even measure or chart anything. I get to guess-timate. We took our chances during our prime time weekend. Today, however, when I talked to my husband, he said that he had talked to God and God said that I was pregnant. I would be skeptical about this, but for the fact that I, too, talk to God and feel that He answers. And, when I asked, I got the same answer. So, if I get a BFN, I will be even more disappointed. But, if I get the BFP, then the fun begins. Drugs, injections, fear, worry, tests, more fear, more worry...Apparently, I'm crazy, because no sane person would do this to themself.

Those are the ups and downs of my days lately. Now, it's time to go and snuggle in bed under my nice, warm comforter while the temperature falls into the single digits. Of course, my husband had to leave TODAY.

To continue the mailbox theme

2009-01-10T15:55:00.002-06:00

When we were building our house, we had to submit plans to a committee to get the plans approved. Well, our original contractor was a complete fuckwit (more on that another time) and submitted the least professional house drawing ever known to man. So, of course, the committee would not approve the plan. The contractor refused to send them anything different, so my husband found a picture in one of those house plan books that he liked and submitted it. The plan based on that picture was approved.

The committee consists of a married couple in our subdivision, Bob and Nancy. They are also the keepers of the mailboxes. Apparently, the subdivision bought a bulk supply of mailboxes, and you are given one free one when you build your house, but you have to get it from Bob and Nancy.

As we were building our house, we had some slight deviations from the plans that were submitted. Since the deviations involved changing a window from one with an arch over the middle to one without an arch, I didn't see it as any major deal for which I needed to get approval from the committee. We were still well within the specifications for appearance/size/amount of brick that are set in the covenants. So, we were very close to finishing the house. We had already moved in. The only thing we needed to do was to get some decorative arches and posts installed on our front porch. We were in the process of getting bids for this job.

Since we had moved in, I decided it would be a good time to get a mailbox. So, I called Bob and Nancy. They told me to stop by, so I went to their house, thinking I would get a mailbox. When I got there, they told me that they didn't have the mailboxes there, they were in storage. But, had I received the letter that they had sent me? I had not received the letter, so they got me a copy. Then they told me that they would drop off the mailbox at the weekend.

The letter was a notice that we were not conforming to our plan and the window was not correct. At this point, the window in question had been bricked in for 5 months. So, we read the letter and then laughed and said "There's nothing we can do about it now."

Along came Saturday. The doorbell rang and my husband answered it. It was Bob and Nancy. They had our mailbox, Nancy told him, but they wouldn't give it to us until we had addressed the issues in the letter. My husband said that if we had received the letter at such a time when we could have done anything about it, maybe we could do something, but it was way too late now. So Nancy told him that we had to comply with the approved plan or the subdivision would not approve us moving in. J told her that the subdivision couldn't really stop us from moving in, since the village had already approved the build. He also told her that we were in compliance with the covenants as far as the appearance went, so he didn't know why she was making such a big deal about it. So, Nancy, who is a woman that doesn't like to be challenged, said that we would have to change according to the original plan or the subdivision would sue us. My husband told her that he didn't think the subdivision would approve of wasting money in that fashion, but if that's the way she wanted it, she could go ahead and sue. And by the way, J told her, you can get off my property or I will call the police and have you removed.

So, as this discussion was going on, Bob and I were just standing there. Bob would try to intervene in the argument, but J and Nancy pretty much ignored him. Once J threatened to call the police, I turned to Bob and said, "It looks like this discussion is getting a little too heated. Maybe you and I can reach some sort of resolution." At this point, I was treated to the ultimate in asinine male behavior. He ignored my statement and said, "Look, J, we can work this out." So, I said, "Fine, if that's the way you want it," and I turned around and opened the front door to go inside. Then he decided to backtrack and try to deal with the only remaining rational person there (Me!).

So, he took out the original drawing and started pointing out all the things that were wrong with the house. First was the window. I told him that I had decided to change the window because I didn't like the one in the drawing. Regardless, if he had wanted the window changed, he should have let us know before the brick went on. It was too late to do it now. Then he pointed out that the windows were supposed to have shutters. I said, again that was my decision but we can put shutters on if you're going to insist on it. Then he told me that there was supposed to be molding under the soffit all along the house. Because I was pissed at that point, I refused to acknowledge that what he was pointing at in the picture was molding. I said it was just the way the drawing looked. There was no molding. He insisted there was molding. I told him that we'd have to agree to disagree, because I wasn't going to put up molding.

Finally, we got to the real reason they were actually there. They were worried because it had appeared that the front of the house had been finished for quite a while, but the arches and posts were not installed. They thought we were not going to put them in. We told them that we were getting bids and that we would get the arches installed soon. Once we got this straightened out, after much more glaring on the part of J and Nancy, they conceded that we could get our mailbox.

So, now, due to Nancy's bad behavior, I refer to them as Sid&Nancy. Because Nancy was such a bad influence on Sid Vicious, just like Nancy is on poor Bob.

Final update

2009-01-06T21:35:00.002-06:00

Yes, the Street Department in my town has been heard from again. It's nothing less than I deserve for making phone calls to them.

I received a letter that said "I am sorry to inform you that last night during the winter storm, one of our salt trucks accidentally struck your mailbox. The Village will place a temporary mailbox in front of your house for you to continue to receive mail from the post office until the Village fixes or replaces your mailbox. Once again I am sorry for any inconvenience that this may cost you."

I think they hate us.

2009-01-06T19:23:00.002-06:00

I was tagged by Martha for a Photo Treasure Hunt tag where you
1. Go to the 4th picture folder on your computer.
2. Post the 4th picture in that folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag 4 more people.

If I remember correctly, I believe I was trying to capture our very rare April snowstorm, as well as the giant ditch forming in our front lawn due to weeks of rain. My husband didn't believe me on either count, so I needed photographic proof. Note the mailbox, upright for once!

I would like to tag

Lindsay
Sam
Kandi
Farmwife

From Martha

Four is a sacred number in many cultures and religions including the Zia tribe of New Mexico, The Four cups of wine drunk during Jewish Passover, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. We have many examples in biology and nature. The four chambers of the human heart, a four leaf clover, hmm, it's wonderful to meditate on this and I thank Kimbosue for helping remind me with this fun Tag treasure hunt.

A mailbox tale (or three)

2009-01-06T07:38:00.004-06:00

This morning, I woke up at my usual early time. I got dressed and went to the front door to put on my shoes for my morning walk. As I looked out the windows, I noticed that the streets and sidewalks looked...shiny and wet. I hoped they were wet, but I discovered upon leaving the house that they were icy. So, I skated down the sidewalk, detoured onto the front lawn to walk halfway down the driveway, and noticed that our mailbox was once again lying on its side.

Our mailbox is probably the worst design ever invented. However, our subdivision covenants require that we all have the same mailbox. Access to the mailboxes is allowed only by the mailbox trolls (also known as Sid&Nancy, also known as the Design and Planning Committee (or some such nonsense), also known as the house plan enforcers, but that's a story for another day). Here is a picture of a similar mailbox:

It looks lovely, but is not very durable. Three years ago, I was at work one afternoon and noticed that I had a voice mail message. The message was something on the order of this:

"Hello, this is Loopy Seagull*, Mayor of Whoville (the town where we live). I'm calling to let you know that this morning, my mother-in-law was at a garage sale on your street and when she was leaving, she backed into your mailbox and knocked it over. Of course, we will repair or replace the mailbox. Please give me a call and let me know what you would prefer."

I thought this was a mistake. We live on # East XXXX Drive and we're always getting mail (or free lawn aeration) for the people who live at # West XXXX Drive. I hadn't seen any signs for garage sales that morning, so I was confused. But, as it turns out, he had the correct house. Our mailbox was knocked over by the mayor's (elderly) mother-in-law. I thought this was quite hilarious...my husband was not so amused. He saw only the downed mailbox, while I appreciated the silliness of having to ask your water clerk to look up a resident's phone number so you could call and tell them that your mother-in-law had knocked over their mailbox. Mayor Seagull contacted the mailbox trolls (who were, of course, on vacation) and finally, after about 10 days, our mailbox was replaced and we were getting our mail again.

A few months later, a friend had come over for dinner and a movie (and a couple beers, of course). As she was backing down our driveway, we heard a CRUNCH. Our mailbox is a minimum of 60 feet from the house, so it was a pretty good hit. But, she only scratched the mailbox - it was still standing.

Part of the problem is that both our street (we live on a cul-de-sac) and our driveway are curved. So, it is extremely difficult to back down our driveway without veering onto the grass (or into the mailbox).

The next incident was about a year and a half ago. I was working part time, and my daughter would usually go to grandma's for the two days a week that I was working. Sometimes, grandma would come to stay with us. Whenever she did that, one of my sisters-in-law, who lives nearby, but with whom we don't interact much, would come by with her little boy and hang out at our house for the afternoon. Without our knowledge or permission. Now, on one hand, she's family, and so what's the big deal? But on the other hand, she doesn't spend any time with us at our house at all. We only see her at her parents' house or maybe at one of her sisters' houses. So it would kinda irritate me and really irritate my husband when she would do this. I was at work one day, and MIL was at home with S. I got a phone call from MIL, who told me that SIL had backed over our mailbox. MIL, who is a sweet, kind, non-cussing, good Catholic lady actually said "Shit." This time, because it would be cheaper, SIL's husband (the evil Chad) had to come over and take the mailbox to the welder for repair and then come and reinstall it. FYI, I hate the evil Chad with a passion, which is part of the reason we don't interact with SIL much.

So, the mailbox is down again. I don't know how it got that way, but maybe the salt trucks hit it. Or maybe our neighbor's daughters' teenage friends backed into it. Or maybe the weld failed and the ice became too heavy and the stupid thing just fell over. Who knows? Now I won't be getting my mail for a few days...

*Names have been changed to protect the upstanding citizens. Nancy of Sid&Nancy and the Evil Chad do not deserve protection...

UPDATE: According to my husband, the mailbox is gone (although the base is still securely attached) and in its place is a white post with a platform held up by some sandbags. I'm beginning to think it was the salt truck...I don't think the village of Whoville likes our mailbox. They're going to have a tough time fixing the mailbox without that base...

Groan

2009-01-03T22:10:00.002-06:00

I'm sick. I never used to get sick. This is the 3rd sore throat I've had in the last year. Plus fever/aches. On top of all that, I've run out of orange juice (that plus ibuprofen is my miracle cure), and I'm being subjected to my husband's miracle cures (Airborne, zinc, vapo-rub on the throat with a sock wrapped around it).

We're watching Rambo. We agree that, in its time, it was a really good movie. But any movie where Stallone is the star but only has about 10 lines is good in my book.

I think it's time for bed. Tomorrow we take down the Christmas tree.

Introspection

2008-12-30T22:15:00.002-06:00

I don't know why everyone insists on reflecting on their life at New Year's. It seems to me that there is no worse time to decide what needs improvement in your life. You've just finished the most stressful month of the year. It's cold, the days are short. Why not sit down and figure out what's wrong with you? Won't that make you feel better?

I vote for May. Weather gets nicer, spring really gets going. Now that's a better time to sit down and reflect on life. May is a time of renewal. Why not decide to become a new you when everything else is new too?

So, if you make your New Year's resolutions and they don't quite work out, try again in May. You may feel more like becoming a new person then.

*Note: I'm not that in to introspection anyway. I try to leave the past in the past (except when arguing with my husband, of course).

Meme of the day...Thanks, Lindsay!

2008-12-29T19:34:00.003-06:00

1. Link to the person who tagged you. Thanks you Lindsay. :)
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

Okay, here we go...

1. I helped build my house. My favorite job was burning scrap wood, since I was warm and it didn't require a lot of effort, But, I also helped create a tray ceiling, I insulated, I've helped with drywall and drywall finishing, I've painted (walls, trim,etc.), I grouted a crapload of tile, and I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

2. I read a lot...and I gather a lot of useless information from my fiction reading (I can recognize the fact buried in fiction). I usually read 2-3 books a week.

3. I am Irish and Polish and I look like I'm completely Irish. Growing up in Chicago means that if you look Irish, and had my maiden name, anyone you meet will start racking their memory to figure out if they knew my father through the police or fire department (he was an office manager for a trucking company - what a rebel!).

4. I love to watch Judge Judy and Cops and Intervention. This is not because I want to feel better about myself (as my husband surmises). I think it's to keep an eye on my behavior to make sure I'm not inadvertently being an asshole. I also watch Snapped on Oxygen, because I'm looking for pointers (kidding, DH, kidding).

5. I love Mountain Dew. I really don't understand how people who can drink Dr. Pepper can tell me that Mountain Dew is too sweet.

6. I like to cook, but I don't do much of it any more. My husband has no taste buds (slight exaggeration, he notices the taste of some food), and so food is pretty much just fuel for him. So, we might as well eat tacos most nights. I still bake in winter, though, and that is appreciated.

7. I almost let my husband get away with not buying me an engagement ring. I have a lovely diamond ring that I inherited from my aunt, and we were going to use that. Until I decided that I needed something that he picked out for me. He did a fine job. Plus, I like white gold better than yellow gold.

So, since I think I've seen just about everyone tagged with this, I will again say

If you haven't done this yet, consider yourself tagged!

Christmas lessons learned

2008-12-27T22:20:00.002-06:00

Parenting tips for Christmas with a toddler:

1. Don't Waste Your Money. So as not to overwhelm the 2 year old with gifts (from Santa, mom & dad, grannie, aunts, great aunts), opening presents was spread over 3 days. What were the big winners? Crayons from Santa and a package of 14 plastic flower shaped bracelets that I got for $1.

2. Keeping up with the Joneses is a little necessary My husband is so glad I spent all that other money on toys. I say, no one ever buys my daughter toys. Everyone gives her clothes, books, or money. So, she didn't have any Legos (still doesn't, but now she has some sort of stick together blocks), she didn't have a train set or any cars (she had one but I can't find it anywhere). She didn't have any silly noise making toys (they annoy her father). Basically, she didn't have any of the toys I've seen at the houses of other 2 year olds. Now she does. She also has a pair of roller skates, so the noise making toy (a Wubbzy) is going back and she's getting a helmet.

3. Lessons that you don't realize you're teaching. We also got her her own little laptop...which she immediately told me not to touch (I wonder where she learned that from). She's very excited to have her own laptop - and it comes with its very own mouse. Which I also should not touch.

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T21:16:00.002-06:00

I tried to get my daughter interested in Santa, but she isn't familiar with the idea yet. I'm looking forward to seeing her face tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, my husband drove through 600 miles of rain, freezing rain, sleet, accidents and crazy drivers. There were no problems for him, although I did have to call some state police to find out if the stopped traffic was due to weather, accidents, or road closure. He made it home safely, and I'm thankful for that.

Now we are watching A Christmas Story. Just got to the tongue on the flagpole part. Hilarious. Can't help but love this movie.

I still don't know if we'll be going to see my husband's family tomorrow. He said "it's up to you," which is passive aggressive speak for I don't really want to go. I don't care either way for myself, but I like for my daughter to spend time with her cousins. So, we'll see what happens. I braved the grocery store today, in case I need to make some dinner tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

Of course!

2008-12-22T21:55:00.002-06:00

So, after talking to my husband, it turns out I was right. He did know what was going on, but neglected to discuss it with me. Everyone is going to his sister's house. But, since his sister lives 45 minutes away, he doesn't know if he's interested in going, after driving 600 miles home.

I don't fault his reasoning, and it would certainly be fine to spend the day at home just with my little family (most people's dream holiday, from what I can determine), but it would be nice to know about it! But, now I do.

What?

2008-12-21T21:50:00.002-06:00

I had the most unusual conversation with my mother-in-law today. I think we got some wires crossed somewhere. Or maybe she just thinks she talks to me as frequently as she talks to her daughters. More likely, however, she delivered the information I was trying to get to my husband, who will later assure me that he told me.

I like my mother-in-law. She's very sweet and thoughtful and funny. She doesn't interfere, gives advice when you specifically request it, and is more irritated when her son is being a jerk than I am. But, she's kind of flighty and absentminded. Her signature trick is to put a cup of water (for tea) or coffee in the microwave, reheat it, and forget about it. And everyone has the microwave that beeps at you until you go and take the stuff out. That beep is like a dog whistle to her - she doesn't hear it at all.

Since my husband will be driving 600 miles on Christmas Eve, I'm pretty sure he will be against the idea of driving another 300 miles to spend Christmas with my family. Which means we'll be going to wherever his family will be (his mom's or one of his sisters' houses). Since it is now the 21st of December, I thought maybe I should get an idea of what the plans were. So I called my mother-in-law.

I talked to her for about half an hour (with a brief phone pass-off to one of my sisters-in-law) and I really have no idea what the plans are for Christmas. I think she said to come over on Christmas Day around 12:30 or whenever. If we want to come at 6:30, that's fine too. And I can bring some of the cookies I've baked. Or an appetizer, because we're having soup and chicken salad, and appetizers. Or, if I'm too busy don't worry about it. But someone is bringing shrimp, because they went to a Christmas party and there was a shrimp plate there and they really enjoyed it. And my sister-in-law's husband had tickets to a hockey game today, but they couldn't go because pipes were bursting all over and he got called in to work for that. And she wishes she had more toys to send over for my daughter to play with for a little while, so she can get some variety. Huh?

I"m really not sure what the plan is. I guess I'm used to a more formal dinner arrangement. I prefer that, but I guess that means I can wear jeans. Or sweatpants for that matter. This is not what I am used to! Anyway, I'm sure she just thinks that she already told me everything - she has 4 daughters and talks to each of them probably 6 or more times a week, so I'm sure she imagines I made it in the mix somewhere. (In contrast, I make a weekly duty call to my mother, because I just don't have that much to talk about.) Or maybe my husband knows...

In other news, I am having paranoid episodes today. Normally, I revel in having the house (mostly) to myself. But today, I keep hearing weird noises. When I was trying to take a nap this afternoon, the heat was going on and the rattling of the air ducts made it sound like someone was walking through the house. It is also really cold and really windy, which increases the creaks and cracks that normally happen. Plus, my little darling is in a violent sleeping pattern today - she keeps whacking her head on the sides of her crib. Lots of thumping and creaking - it's freaking me out today for some reason.

I have all my cookies baked, now I must devise a delivery system for the neighbors (I am not good at presentation, but my stuff tastes pretty good). I'm sure my neighbor's dog will enjoy the doggie stocking full of toys that S. has been dragging around and trying to break into ever since we got it last week. Now I just have to wrap presents. And clean the house. And put away the laundry. And figure out what the hell is going on for Christmas. Ugh. I should probably just go to bed and not think about it.

Good Samaritan ruling

2008-12-20T16:34:00.002-06:00

Now you can sue someone for helping you? Really? I am amazed by this ruling from California. The story is that coworkers on their way home from a party were in a car accident. One person (from another car) dragged a woman from the car, thinking the car would catch on fire. The person who was dragged from the car is now a paraplegic. The paraplegic now wants to sue the person who dragged her from the car, and says she should have waited for emergency personnel.

I'm not sure who I should be most disgusted with in this case. I understand that being paralyzed is unimaginable and horrible. But, while I might not prefer that to being dead, I certainly would prefer it to being burned - a little, a lot, or to death. So, I can see how one might be bitter about being paralyzed, but why sue someone who was trying to help you?

And the courts - don't they have a duty to protect the Good Samaritan? Aren't there places where it is a crime to stand by without helping (or was that just a Seinfeld episode?). Why would anyone help anyone else, if the possibility of being sued is now real and present?

I'm not really the type to stop and help - because I never feel like I have anything to offer. I'm short, not very strong, and I don't usually react quickly (i.e. pulling over if I see an accident). Also, I am fortunate enough to not see many accidents. But the ones I have seen and could do nothing about stay with me. I want to be ready the next time.

I guess the Good Samaritans must hope for a true jury of their peers if they do get sued. It's unlikely (never say never) that I would vote in favor of punishing someone for trying to help, and I believe most people are like me.

I was going to bake cookies

2008-12-19T08:30:00.002-06:00

Today, I was awakened at 4:30 am by the sounds of crying and the plaintive call of "Mommy." Sometimes, this just passes, but today I got up to check on my daughter. I guess my nose doesn't work too well when I first wake up, because I patted her back, told her she was OK, and was ready to go back to bed. And then I smelled something. So, I turned on the light, and was greeted with a lovely sight. Vomit. Lots of it.

Fortunately, most of it was on the bedding and carpet (YAY!) instead of on S. I took her to sit in the bathroom, in case there was more. Then I cleaned the carpet and stripped her bed. Then I took her to get some crackers and water. Then I got her dressed - her Christmas party at daycare is today. Then we watched the Wiggles. I was just about to conclude that it was just a one-time deal and get her ready to go to school, when I saw her little face change. Then she started throwing up all over the couch. Which was (fortunately) covered with a towel, her afghan, and my afghan.

Now, she's napping, the second load of laundry is running, and I'm not feeling too well myself. I really do not like to vomit, so for the most part, I don't. Up until this past summer, I had a 15 year no-vomiting streak going.

Any way you look at it, though, it's not a good day to bake cookies for my neighbors for Christmas. I don't think they would enjoy that little bonus feature that would probably come with anything I touch today.

A little mythology...Updated! With commentary!

2008-12-17T19:38:00.005-06:00

A friend sent this to me and I got a good laugh out of it...

This is absolutely amazing - and makes perfect sense!! (Amazing, yes. Makes perfect sense? The jury is out.)

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners....
(and that's why life expectancy keeps growing. We've finally learned to eat the foods that have been there all along!)

God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

Yep, my dad fed me this line for my whole life...I guess that's why I'm nearsighted with astigmatism! And my husband, who actually eats carrots voluntarily? Worse vision than me

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

I love tomatoes. I eat them frequently. But my family history says I'm still getting heart disease. Unless, of course, I give up the butter, and that's just not happening.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood-vitalizing food.

They're even better when you let them turn into wine!

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

I have more than one cerebellum? Sweet!

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Well, when googling this phenomenon, I didn't learn anything about the kidney beans + kidney health, but I did learn that when I inhaled all the chemicals at work this week, some of it was good for me! Too bad it was counteracted by the stuff that's not good for me...

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Yep, eat the celery. Don't worry about calcium or Vitamin D. Just consume foods that are 23% sodium. How many Cheetos is that again? They look JUST LIKE finger bones!

Avocados, Eggplants and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Well, crap. If all we need is an avocado a week, why are we wasting research dollars on Gardasil? Did you know you were throwing away your money on infertility treatments, when all you need to do is eat an avocado every week? How much guacamole does that come out to?

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

So, does that mean if you eat dates (they are dried figs, aren't they?), your testicles will shrivel up?

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

White sweet potatoes from Japan contain a compound that lowers blood sugar. But why don't you load up on that Sweet Potato Casserole? Those marshmallows and the brown sugar will do wonders for your glycemic index.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

This is clearly a plant by the classic martini industry. NO MORE APPLE-TINIS!!!

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

All the guys I've ever talked to refer to them as melons. Oranges and grapefruits just don't get big enough, apparently.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Because everyone needs a onion to cry and wash those epithelial cells. Nope, nothing else going on that would cause crying...

What's up DOC?

2008-12-15T21:40:00.002-06:00

When I shared pictures from my trip to Italy, Cara commented "Good thing we aren't on the witness stand." So, since it's related to both parts of the above sentence, I thougth I would share the story of the time that I was almost held in contempt of court.

It was a regular day - a Tuesday, I think. I had gone out to lunch with some of my coworkers, and I had been out for quite a while (an hour and a half, I think). When I came back, someone told me that I had been paged and that there was someone waiting in the lobby for me. My first thought was, "Uh-oh, I took a really long lunch today." My second thought was, "Who would be waiting for me?" So, I went downstairs to find out.

I get to the lobby, and there is a cheesy looking guy sitting on the bench. I asked the receptionist who was waiting for me, and she points him out. I walk over, and he asks my name. I tell him, and he whips out some papers and says, "You will need to appear on December 22 to show cause as to why you should not be held in contempt of court." WTF?!? I said, "Wait, what are you talking about?" He said, "You were supposed to analyze some evidence and you didn't do it, and I filed for contempt of court against you." Then he turned and walked out before I could ask him any more questions.

Of course, at this point, I start freaking out, because I can't be in court on December 22. I will be in Italy on December 22. I took my subpoena upstairs to my supervisor and the other senior examiner in our group. They, with all due concern for my worried self, started rolling on the floor laughing. Ah-ha-ha-ha, the U.S. Marshalls will be meeting your plane - when are you coming back again? Hope you look good in orange (prison jumpsuit color)! What's up DOC (that is, Department of Corrections)? Yes, I provided entertainment for an entire afternoon.

When they finally stopped laughing (I was still freaking out), they told me not to worry about it, they would find out the story. I was actually leaving the next day, so I didn't have time to track down the information. As it turns out, this was a defense attorney. He had requested an essentially useless analysis (it was requested out of order, so any evidence had likely been destroyed by other testing), which I had performed. Our rules say that the results in such cases be delivered to the investigating agency and to the judge handling the case. I had sent my report to both, but the judge had never informed the defense attorney.

I live in hope that the judge would hold himself in contempt, since he was the one who signed the order for me to appear, with the reasoning for it. But, I know that no one ever reads my reports anyway, so I can't completely blame him. The defense attorney could have simply called me, but many of them think that we work exclusively for the prosecution (not true, we will work any evidence in a criminal case, regardless of who requests it). Either way, I still have a record of being charged with contempt of court.

2008-12-14T20:25:00.002-06:00

My sister sent this to me and the beginning sounded familiar. I hope the end will too someday!

Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this?Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a hum an being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ... Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Show and Tell

2008-12-13T21:02:00.005-06:00

10 years ago this week, I was fortunate enough to take a trip to Italy to spend Christmas with my sister, who was stationed there. It was quite a memorable trip, from events occurring before the trip, to my flight being cancelled, to some interesting characters that we encountered, but the best part was midnight mass at the Vatican, when we were mere feet away from Pope John Paul II. OK, actually, I missed the best part. We were walking down the street, looking for a quiet public phone. My sister said, "That was digusting! Did you see that?" I, Captain Oblivious, said, "No, what?" She said, "That guy." I said, "what was he doing?" She said, "He was was waving at us---with other than his hand!" I started laughing, and I don't think I stopped for the rest of the evening. Only I would miss seeing the flasher in Rome.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the top of St. Peter's and from midnight mass, 1998 (which was a 7 hour extravaganza!).

Don't forget to check out the rest of Show and Tell!